I Have Not Fallen Off The Face Of The Earth

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by dyamond, Jul 14, 2017.

  1. dyamond

    dyamond Imelda Marcos of Majorgeeks

    I know it's been a while since I stopped by but life has really gotten away from me.I am on the move about 12 hours a day. I am tired.
    I hope everyone is doing well. Aside from perpetual busyness, I've been looking for a new job, one that doesn't make me want to pull my hair out strand by strand. The upside is he says some pretty (unintentionally) hilarious things. I'll leave with a small sampling of some of the things he's said, then you can see what I'm working with. :rolleyes:

    Boss: What's a browser? I have this Google thing..

    Boss (walks over to me and hands me one of those squeeze bottles of mayo): How do you work this mayonnaise?

    Boss: *Hands me $100* Merry Christmas
    Me: Thanks, I appreciate that.
    Boss: You should.

    Boss: What's this? *picks up potato chip off the ground and shows it to me.*
    me: It's a chip, don't eat it.
    Boss: *eats it*
    me: Ewww why did you eat that?
    Boss: I was hungry.

    Boss: *out of the blue* I was constipated, now I'm not!
    Me: Thanks for sharing..
    Boss: Anything for you!

    Boss: *In a slight panic* This (email from our EHR company) says we need to update our iPad app! What do we do?
    Me: You don't have an iPad.....

    Boss: Why is this computer so slow? It must be that new laptop you bought.
    Me: That's not how it works, besides, that thing older than I am..
    Boss: It's not old!!
    Me: It's the same Win XP computer you bought when XP first came out.... In 2002..

    Boss: This patient would like a pair of prescription sunglasses.
    Me: okay. (we pick out pair and discussed lens options. The patient then walks behind him to look at other glasses but is half facing me)
    Boss: Make sure to add A/R (anti-reflection coating most commonly used for night time driving).
    Me: What for?
    Boss: For night time driving.
    Me: .......
    Boss: ……
    Me (realizing I'm going to need to elaborate): She's not going to be wearing sunglasses..... at night....
    Boss: oh…
    (I look over towards the patient, she's completely facing me now and we lock eyes, and she's laughing silently)

    (Take note how many times Verizon is mentioned before calling)
    Boss: I got an email from Verizon telling me my payment is due. I need to set up this payment plan with Verizon.
    Me: Well, You can call Verizon and do it or you can do it at Verizon.com
    Boss: I'll call. What's the number?
    Me: 1800 Verizon..
    Boss: After couple seconds, 1800 what?
    Me:.... Verizon
    He calls and hangs up after reaching wrong dept.
    Boss: It was 1800 what again?
    Me: Seriously?.. Verizon.

    My boss's daughter needed a cd he just burned a song on to. He's just started playing it on a old school stereo/cd player.
    Me: She said she needs the song now, she has to leave.
    Boss: I know, I'll give it when this song is over.
    Me: Yea, but she needs it now, not when the song is over (it's a really long song, like 7 minutes)
    Boss: I'll wait until the song is over, I don't want to ruin it.
    Daughter's husband (who came in the room looking for the cd and over heard): How is it going to ruin it?
    Boss: I don't know how to make it stop and I don't want to scratch it.
    Me: Press stop?......
     
  2. TimW

    TimW MajorGeeks Administrator - Jedi Malware Expert Staff Member

    Hey dyamond....good to know you are OK. Don't know if you will find that kind of humor in a different job, but good luck!
     
    dyamond and katkat like this.
  3. Fred_G

    Fred_G Heat packin' geek

    Your boss sounds like a very 'special' person. Hope everything works out for you!
     
    dyamond likes this.
  4. joffa

    joffa Major Geek's Official Birthday Announcer

    Plenty to laugh about with your boss.... I hope he gets the joke ;)
    Good luck finding somewhere with less stress and doing something you enjoy :cool:
     
    dyamond likes this.
  5. DavidGP

    DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

    Jen, caio great to hear from you as always and OMG you must be having such a fun time where you are working from those lines!?
     
  6. LauraR

    LauraR MajorGeeks Super-Duper Administrator Staff Member

    Hey dy!

    Good to hear from you, girl. :)

    Pop in any time and posts your boss stories! They are always funny.
     
    DavidGP likes this.
  7. Spad

    Spad MajorGeek

    Yay! Nice to see you here Dyamond! :)
     
  8. Anon-9aee479f8f

    Anon-9aee479f8f Anonymized

    Some of his remarks look like a lack of common sense, some might be absent mindedness, the rest is just laughable! :confused:o_O:rolleyes::p:D
     
  9. Anon-469e6fb48c

    Anon-469e6fb48c Anonymized

    Kat just like the people i work for.No common sense.:oops::oops::oops::oops:
     
  10. Anon-469e6fb48c

    Anon-469e6fb48c Anonymized

    There is a few others that have not been on in a while.

    But nice to see you back.
     
  11. dyamond

    dyamond Imelda Marcos of Majorgeeks

    I'd rather a job that would help me preserve any sanity I have left than to have this type of humor. lol
     
  12. dyamond

    dyamond Imelda Marcos of Majorgeeks

    Fun is not what I would call it... head bashing on the wall is more like it. Someone rescue me!! lol
     
    DavidGP likes this.
  13. Anon-469e6fb48c

    Anon-469e6fb48c Anonymized

    I had a job that had nothing but drama and i hate them type of jobs.
     
    DavidGP likes this.
  14. DavidGP

    DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

    Hahahahaha I get those days at times, just glad mine are few and far between and only appear when I deal with IT, Procurement and Accounts, luckily I try not do delve into those murky waters alot if I can help it. I find smile (folks dont know what your upto) and deflect asshat questions and discussions with a random comment, I've in the middle of a boring as hell IT discussion just said "do you like salmon" and left the room leaving them puzzled.
     
    baklogic likes this.
  15. the mekanic

    the mekanic Major Mekanical Geek


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