SPECIFIC solution:Game controller driver issue of player walking ULTRA SLOW

Okay guys!

[PROBLEM:]
While playing two different first person shooters on my PC, my player starts to walk ULTRA SLOW!! I mean, WAAAAY slower than when you barely budge the thumbstick. The only way that I can get out of this, is to pump my jump button about a half-dozen times, and then I can move normal again...
[END of PROBLEM]

[DESPERATE PLEA:]
Has ANY human life form on this PLANET ever experienced this problem??
[END of PLEA]

[PREVIOUS FAILURES:]
I can't "Google" this agonizing problem, because ALL of the keywords to the problem, are the sort of words that are generic in MOST computer problems. When I use the quotes in the search queue, to specify EXACT phrase, I get ONE result; a result that is not remotely tied to my problem!!
[END of PREVIOUS FAILURES]

[RANT OF ANGER:]
I search YouTube, and see the "dead zone" problem, and it's solution being a video where you have to CRACK OPEN your controller and do all kind of modifications with duct tape and cardboard!! I have a REVOLUTIONARY concept!! MAKE THE (insert one million curse words HERE) controllers actually WORK when you PURCHASE them! WOW! What a concept!!

I want to find the people (writers of the drivers for the controller, or whatever the root cause is) who have NOT resolved this problem and CRUCIFY them. I want to convert to SATANISM, just so I can SACRIFICE them on a Satanic Altar.
[END of RANT]

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[MY RIG:]

(OS
Windows 7 Enterprise 64 bit

(Motherboard & CPU
ASUS Sabertooth X79 LGA 2011 Intel X79 SATA 6Gb/s USB 3.0 ATX Intel Motherboard

Intel i7 2011 3.6 GHz Quadcore

(Video Card
EVGA GeForce GTX 660 SIGNATURE2 2048MB GDDR5 DVI mHDMI DP Graphics Card 02G-P4-2663-KR

(Controllers
Microsoft XBOX 360 controller USB

Also tried, but same junk happened...
Steel Series 3GC

8 Gigs of RAM