Am i too old fashioned

It is vacation time here so the grand kids are staying with us for a couple of days, the oldest one Britt is 12 and is all grown up in here mannerisms.
We do not hear much out of her because she is on her own PC most of the day with her friends.
She has her own telephone and if you can believe it a credit card with a $200 per month limit (what can a 12 year old need to buy for herself) because it is vacation we let them stay up late but last night she spent 4 1/2 hours sending texts on her mobile, this was non stop about every 30 seconds or so we would hear a beep which was another incoming text then she would proceed to reply, when it got to around 10.45 we decided it was time for them to go to bed and you can not believe the tantrum i got when i asked her to leave her mobile in the living room as i suspected the texts would go on into the night.
Now these are not just texts to another friend but on face-book and after all the horror stories we hear about children being groomed in chat rooms i thought i was doing the right thing but it would seem for a 12 year old that was an invasion of privacy and the reply was "you are not my father" so as i explained "you are right but your father trusts us to make sure you are safe and that is what i intend to do" then this all grown up 12 year old resorted too tears and tantrums.
Needless to say i am the bully and the phone stayed in the living room until this morning but now i am getting the silent treatment.

Have i missed something about caring for kids or am i just a dinosaur???

 

I don't have any kids, but that sounds fairly common to me.
So Grandpa is the Meanie :guns and she's mad at you. :mad

I know that's hard but I'd say just show her love and affection, reconnect and let her know that you care.

Feel bad for the kids that don't have someone to care for and nurture them.

Poor kid.
I know it's tough on both of you.

Might be a good thing in the end, when the bad stuff and the urgency of the moment blows over.

 

Usually, with age comes more chances of looking down to other generations and seeing how everyone has changed. I'm non-conformist so I cannot stand my peers. All I know is: hard work pays off...so does a good family.

 

Nope, not old-fashioned, Bill, or if you are, then you need to be. When I was young, we didn't even have a telephone in the house. About a half-mile walk to nearest pay-phone, in the snow, in winter.
One reason why I never gave my kids a cell-phone until later on, ( teenager-hood,etc.). My son didn't care much, but the daughter tried the pester Dad, "everyone else has got one" tactics - until she realized it was futile.:crybaby

 

Well...let's start with the fact that you have to be 13 in order to join Facebook... (not that they in any remote way monitor that, all you have to do is lie about your age when you sign up).

My niece and nephew (14 and 12) each have smartphones, and they're on them constantly. But my sister sets rules for them, and they are responsible for paying for their portion of the family share plan. Sounds like the problem might lie with the parents here moreso than the kids. Overindulgence is what leapt to mind (and I'm sorry, because I know I'm talking about one of your kids), especially when you mentioned the credit card. I'm guessing she doesn't have to pay off the credit card herself, either.

All you can do is make sure she knows the rules at your house, and plays by them whether she likes it or not. It shouldn't be that hard to handle, although 12 is the perfect age for sulking and silent treatments from girls. Hang in there, it's gonna be a bumpy few years, even without the phone issues!

 

Heh...with a new Facebook initiative, this may change. Worth reading: http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/story/2012-06-04/facebook-kids-13/55379430/1

 

Must be a girl thing. My sister texts, I only do so rarely, if I know it will use less minutes (Tracfone), than getting caught with someone who won't quit yapping once I get them started.

 

I saw that, but it's not in effect now. So if she is on Facebook at 12 right now, then she's breaking the rules.

 

Bill,

Relax and tell your grandkids it's OK to get text messages and calls any time. Tell them this is great practice for when they grow up and their clients/customers/boss will be texting, e-mailing and calling them at all hours of the day and night, requesting immediate answers to stupid questions that could easily wait until business hours the following day.

Hitting them with this type of reverse psychology will be fun. :-D

 

Wow. Back in my days of being 12, when I spent time with relatives, they were given authorization to beat my rear end if I did not behave. I was not into getting 'beaten' by my relatives, and then by my parents. So, I behaved.

:yum:-D

 

I know us old fogeys are always saying "things were different when we were young" but that is not to say they were always better.
We all try to give our kids a better start in life than we had,i was a war baby so naturally things were in short supply and we had to make do with what we had and now 60 years on the world is a different place that is unrecognizable to us as we try to adapt to the speed at which things happen now.
Instant communication is common place and a computer does the thinking for us so educational standards have fallen to a point where kids have difficulty doing maths and speaking proper english but i find the ME ME ME society that has developed a very bitter pill to swallow, when children think that being a pop star or sports star their only goal in life.
As a child we did not interrupt when someone was speaking but that small courtesy no longer exists,now the mobile telephone means we can no longer hide from the world for even a few minutes.
I truly fear for the next generation in a world that moves at warp factor speed.
I do not know how much longer i have left to live but undoubtedly things will change at phenomenal speed and my addled brain reacts too slowly to keep up.

 

Indeed true!

I know this. I've had it happen when I was much younger. I behaved too.

 

I fix that with this

 

How many of you said at some point, I'll never be like my parents, and are now precisely like your parents? Of course the younger generation has different things to deal with. After all, mine no longer had to worry about rampaging hordes of Indians, or not being able to go out at night for fear of being eaten by dinosaurs.

Really, you're just watching a slow slide into... *checks thermometer* never mind we're here!

 

T.B.H., although I work with high-tech for a living, I tend to be a bit old-fashioned, too, in some ways. I still like paying with things with real money, for example. Some of my friends don't 'get it' as to why I do this - but then, when the E.F.T. or C/C computers or whatever are FUBAR, then the logic of it comes apparent, when I can go straight through while they are spewing, putting groceries back. :-D

 

Part2:- Missed the edit time-out, LoL. That's what happens when you make a cup of coffee and let the cat in before finishing editing, eh.rolleyes

...I am fortunate in that I am, (just) old enough to experience the 'old' systems of relatively low-tech and doing various tasks manually, (math, cooking, mending stuff, etc.), but am also comfortable with 21st Century tech.
The 'attitudes' and life-views, I tend to be what some young folk regard as old-fashioned, but hey sometimes old and tried is good. I don't care one bit for the gadget dependency mentality that abounds thee days. Use the gadgets, sure, but use ya noggin as well, i.m.o .;.) ~ Sad thing thing is, most under 35's or so don't even know that they have become tech-dependent, lazy, unhealthy, (I include 'socially unhealthy in this), zombies, i.m.h.o.

 

I just want to say that while some here are getting quite analytical and philosophical, we are in fact talking about a twelve year old girl.

That can be a difficult time for a child, especially girls, and kids do tend to sometimes get caught up in somewhat fanatical behavior.

We all know that computers and such can be habit forming, even addicting, so when you add that to the usual turmoil of adolescence,
interpersonal relationships, personal identity, peer acceptance, etc. it shouldn't be surprising that some kids get very attached
emotionally to these devices and the instant interaction and gratification that they can provide.

I don't like a lot of the social changes that I've been seeing for the last twenty years or so, and the older I get, the more
annoyed, irritated and angry I get.

But that happened to the generation before mine and the generation before that.

It's a sure sign that I'm getting old(er).

 

All that is true, but the fact remains that social/family values have taken a nose-dive for the worst in last three decades or so. I have seen it, and I have experienced it, firstly as a child/adolescent myself, then later as a parent, as well as observation of countless families.
No, the spoiled 'techno-brat', must have junk, must "talk to friends", most of which is neither conversation, or friends - often at the expense of genuine relationships, both with parents/siblings and the real world.
It is NOT a generational thing that has existed throughout the ages, but a new, materialistic, utilitarian, selfish mentality that only serves to bring up a child that will probably turn into very mal-adjusted adult and parent themselves - ergo:- the severe decline in social values, law and order and divorce rate of > 50%.
Yeah sure, children/adolescents usually have social, peer-group, so-called 'independence' and conformity issues - we all went through that ourselves. The salient question is - what are they being molded and conforming to? If it's meaningless and at times, dangerous "chat" with people they don't even know at the expense of family and real-life friendships, then yes, I do disagree with the unrestricted use of such things, when it's just a lazy parent's idea of entertaining their offspring, i.m.h.o.
Hi-tech gadgets are great - I have a house full of them, but anti-social kids with no real perspective of forming family/friendship relationships in NOT good., i.m.o.
To be mad at parents or grandparents because typing rubbish on a cellphone all night is more important, is a clear warning sign of distorted priorities and values in my experience.

 

We have deviated a little from the original post but have definitely throw up some interesting points.
In my lifetime the evolution of things we now take for granted have developed.
As kid we were not short of money but i think i was 10 year old before there was a TV in the house and the BBC only broadcast for 3 hours per day,we had no inside toilet and mobile telephones had not even been invented,we had a refrigerator but no such thing as a deep freeze,microwaves were still in the future and computers were for science fiction movies.
Now all these items are a necessary to our everyday lives.

Dear God i feel old.

 

Yes Bill, you are old fashioned, you are stuck in your ways and do not understand the need for a child to grow up faster than they used to.
You do not understand the "Need" for cell phones and text messages, nor do you understand the need for a 12 year old to feel like and adult.

It's a shame more parents don't think like you.

Personally I hate cell phones with a passion, especially with youngsters, the art of conversation is dying without the use of smilies and lol's
Respect is dying and children are ceasing to be.

The way I see it, is generation after generation strived to break humans of short childhoods, way back when a 12 year old would have to work 50 hours+ per week and help feed the family, we got to the point where children were allowed to be children and stay innocent and care free until mid teens.

One of the main reasons I would not allow my boy to watch certain movies was because I didn't see the need for him to "Know" or "See" certain things that remove innocence and childhood.

Now it seems every child wants to be an adult yet does not want to work or have responsibilities.
In my opinion, choose, childhood or adulthood.
When my boy wanted his first cell phone at 13/14, I told him he could have any cell phone he wanted, all he had to do was pay for it, nothing would be going in my or his mothers name so if he wanted a plan he would have to put it in his name.
His argument was "But I'm not old enough to get a plan in my name"
To which my response was "Well I guess if you're not old enough then you're not old enough"
So he bought a cell, pay as you go, had time on it for a month and then no time for 6 months and then time for a month. This cycle continued for several years, why?... because he didn't want a job, he wanted to be a child, he wanted to have fun when not in school, he didn't want to spend his spare time doing something he doesn't enjoy just to get a few bucks, he would rather us give him some spending money or maybe do some housework for $10, unfortunately this was not enough money to keep an adult item such as a Cell phone in operation.

Sorry if this offends, it's not meant to, simply my opinion, but anyone who buys and pays for their child to have a cell phone on a monthly plan so their child can text and chat and send receive pictures and such on a heavily private piece of equipment is wrong, also the ones who then complain about their child doing things they shouldn't be doing.

People argue that with "But it's good my kid has a cell, then they can call me if they need me or I can call them"
Once again I reply with the same reply I give to many statements like that.... "huh, yet it's funny how we managed just fine and in many cases more efficiently and safely for the last 2 million years without them"
I never had a cell phone, there are pay phones everywhere, reverse the charges if you need to, make proper plans ahead of time, be prepared.
I still don't have a cell phone, you know how many times in the past 7 years I have wished I had one?... Once, when I broke down, it would have saved me the 4 minute walk I had to perform in the rain, but hey, even without the almighty cell phone, I managed to survive, I didn't starve, nor did I die of exposure, nor did I get kidknapped... the worst that has happend because I didn't have a cell phone?... I got wet.

Handy, yes, Necessary... No.

As for the credit card... at 12?... Sorry Bill, no offense to your offspring but... No, teaching a child they can buy things they do not have money to buy is a terrible idea, I tried my hardest to teach my boy to pay for things upfront whenever possible, he still has not applied for a credit card, he still lives on what money he has and occasionally borrows $20 from someone when needed.

Bottom line, let children be children for as long as possible, we don't need to turn them into adults as soon as we can, at 12/13 a child should be learning the fundamentals of life, get a part time job, 5-10 hours per week, save a little bit and spend the rest, enjoy it while you can, childhood comes round only once, don't take it away from your children and as hard as it can be, don't let your children take it away from themselves.

I wish upon wish I could have been a child longer, unfortunately like so many others, my childhood ended abruptly at the age of 12 and it saddens me to see kids wishing it away when they don't understand how important it really is to be a child while you are a child.

 

Bill, times change; after all that's the only constant. I'm prolly as old fashioned as yourself. I dislike mobiles, period. I only accept calls from contacts- Ok I have 500 odd. ( mostly business)

Back to to the kids. I'm guilty in indulging my now almost 14yrs old brat. I get all the hand me down phones!! Blackberrys' and iPhones, not to mention laptops!! But this non stop SMS/BBM/ facbook chat/whats app/skype is irritating.

I think it next to impossible to police. She is not in front of me 24x7. Either I cancel the data plans on the phone as well block her computers Mac ID's from connecting to the router. :-D The grief I'll receive....will not be worth it.

They'll find a hotspot or a willing friend for sharing WiFi in a second. Phewww..

But I agree with you, as to how irritating it can be. She knows not to try her stunts in front of me at least.

Cheers..

 

"As kid we were not short of money but i think i was 10 year old before there was a TV in the house and the BBC only broadcast for 3 hours per day,we had no inside toilet and mobile telephones had not even been invented,we had a refrigerator but no such thing as a deep freeze,microwaves were still in the future and computers were for science fiction movies."

Dang Bill, you are old! :-D:-D


"By 1930, telephone customers in the United States could be connected by radio to a passenger on an ocean liner in the Atlantic Ocean. The service was expensive, costing $7 per minute, equivalent to about $92.50/minute in 2011 dollars.[1]

The first mobile telephone call was placed in St. Louis, Missouri on June 17, 1946 from a telephone set installed in an automobile. This first mobile telephone call was the end result of more than 10 years of work by Bell Labs scientists Alton Dickieson, D. Mitchell and H.I. Romnes."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_mobile_phones

Just joking Bill, was just talking about the invention of mobile phones the other day, guy told me they were invented in the '40's, I was not sure he was right, so googled it.

Remember when you had to actually get out of your house, and go to the library to look up such things? Now, just google it. Can't remember how to put something together, YouTube probably has a video...

These kids and their apps, texting, I tell 'ya they are just going to hell in a handbasket! :-D

 

Re: The "I don't miss LauraR" Thread

Naa, I know that not a generic response. It all depends on parental upbringing.
Cheers..

 

You are so right Fred,many of these things were invented in the 30s and 40s but they did not reach the masses until many years later, plus in the UK the re-building after the destruction Adolf and his mates did took a priority.
The US was way ahead of the UK in technology so tended to get better service earlier.

 

No Bill, you're not old fashioned. You've got the right to make the rules in your own house.

If the so-called technical advantage is carried any further, the young ones will loose their ability to talk to each other verbally due to way too much texting. Some even texting while in the same room. Ugh!

 

Bill, GOOD FOR YOU! Your 12 yr old grandaughter is not behaving properly and if she wants to spend her vacation giving you the silent treatment that is HER PROBLEM!

Credit card? Is that even legal? I thought you had to be 18 to have your own card and no adult could sign for one...Does your grandchildren live in Siberia or the NWT that she would have to carry a card???

It's not just your grandchildren...it's today's society. It's a throw away entitlement society. I don't have to work so I'll go on welfare. I want the biggest and better cell phone, ipad, ipod, and if it breaks, get me a new one. A rare few kids do know how to work for their stuff and have great work ethics. Others are lazy asses that would not lift a finger to work!

Maybe Columbine put the fear into Parents to get their child cell phones but it has gotten out of hand. I believe cell phones are great for emergencies but for talking while driving, eating, shopping and doing whatever is absolutely ridiculous.

We had rotary phones when growing up. The Bell phone company came out with this phone called the princess phone. We just had to have it. It was a piece of crap and my dad threw it across the room more than once when he tried to use it.

When JFK's funeral was on TV, the neighbors came to our house to watch the funeral on our RCA black and white TV, because most didn't own a tv. Our living room was turned into a wake with aunts and my mom crying and sobbing all through the funeral and procession.

I was given a transistor radio when I made my first communion. I had that for years and that was my special gift.

Santa only brought us one gift each christmas. We had to say please and thank you and only speak when spoken too. "I'm going to tell your father" was all we needed to hear...

We had to finish our food, and help with house work. We had to wear nice clothes to school and church. Had play clothes to change into, and when we played, we used sticks, garbage cans, dirt hills, cardboard boxes...(I remember playing "Combat" all summer)

Kids go to school and tell the teachers you can't yell at us or you can't hit us or my parents will sue!!! Everyone's middle name is sue and people are afraid to help others for fear of being sue, even if they want to help the others.

We were afraid of God. We respected all religions. Men would take their hats off before walking into a public building. Shirt and ties were on men when there were family gatherings...which usually included a game of horse shoes for hours and hours.

I have 4 kids. I see what they want; what they have; and their choices they have made. One is on a great path while the other 3 are struggling. All are loved and were raised the same. I shake my head and wonder what happened?

So do not feel bad or sad. The 12 yr old could use a kick in the butt too but she'd probably call CPS and hire a lawyer.

I wish you the best and ENJOY YOUR RETIREMENT!

 

Can you imagine 100 years from now? The future generations will have thumbs that have evolved into the size of bowling balls

 

May not have been her father, but it WAS your house.
Your house, your rules.

 

@ captjacksparrow
Your upbringing sound very similar to mine so i guess we are about the same age?
I had to laugh at the "Princess phone", i remember that particular piece of junk, it arrived on our side of the pond in the late 50s or early 60s and the damn thing would not keep still and let you dial the number.

Back on the main point, i understand we have to move forward but should it be at cost of common decency to each other?

 

Never. Common courtesy should be paramount. Unfortunately simple civic sense seems to be declining- at least in India. Not only with kids but adults included.
Sitting in a train or an airport lounge here, one knows the travel plans and ongoing business deals of people sitting twenty feet away.

Cheers..

 

I am sure we are close in age and wisdom

 

No, you're not old, you're somebody who cares - and she'll realise that one day (2 years on - maybe she has by now).

As a kid my family were always the first on our street to have these things, but none of them mattered to me. I didn't realise this at the time, but now I'm older I know that I appreciated my parents for who they were and not what they gave (or didn't give) me.

I'm sure one day she'll do the same.

Hope all is okay with you x