Refresh your minds! NOT A POLITICAL THREAD!

Remember the times when you laughed at every silly joke? No? then, this may help u refresh your memory!

Lately, people (like me) have been complaining about the elections and all political stuff (that means you too OverCooked! ).
So now just put that all behind (at least for now), and LOL at these silly kiddie jokes, riddles, tongue twisters and knock-knock jokes!

So revisit your childhood and Laugh Out Loud!!!

1. Why didn't the ocean say hello? Because it waves.
2. Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table? She was on a crash diet.
3. Why didn't the hotdog star in the movies? The rolls weren't good enough.
4. Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
5. What do you call a fairy that hasn't taken a bath? Stinkerbell.
6. What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence? Time to get a new fence.
7. Why do birds fly south? Because it is too far to walk.
8. Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly!
9. What do you call a scared dinosaur? A nervous Rex.
10. Who always steals the soap in the bathroom? The robber ducky!
11. When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients!
12. What has a head and a tail but no body? A coin!
13. What goes zzub, zzub, zzub? A bee flying backwards!
14. Knock, knock. Who's there? Abbey. Abbey who? Abbey Birthday to You!
15. Knock, knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for dinner!
16. What did one elevator say to the other? "I think I'm coming down with something!"
17. How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away its credit card!
18. How do you make an elephant float? Ginger ale, ice cream, and one elephant!
19. Why aren't elephants allowed on the beach? Because they can't keep their trunks up!
20. What did one frog say to the other? "Time's fun when you're having flies!"
21. Why did the frog go to the hospital? To keep from croaking!
22. Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? To see time fly!
23. Did you hear the one about the skunk? It stunk!
24. What do you call a ghost's mistake? A boo-boo.
25. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine!
26. How did the elephant do in the race? He won by a nose.
27. Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
28. Why did the boy eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
29. Tongue Twister: Seven silly sheep slowly shuffled south.
30. Tongue Twister: Eight apes ate eight apples.
31. Tongue Twister: Three tree toads tied together tried to trot to town.
32. Tongue Twister: Sister Sarah shined her silver shoes for Sunday.
33. Tongue Twister: Seven shy sailors salted salmon shoulder to shoulder.
34. Tongue Twister: Shallow ships show some signs of sinking.
35. Tongue Twister: Terrified tomcats in the tops of tall trees.
36. Tongue Twister: Old oily Ollie oils old oily autos.
37. Tongue Twister: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? It would chuck as much as a woodchuck could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
38. Tongue Twister: She sells seashells on the seashore. The shells she sells are seashells, I'm sure. And if she sells sea shells on the seashore, then I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
39. Why do elephants want to be alone? Because two's a crowd!
40. What goes tick-tick, woof-woof? A watch dog.
41. What has two tails, six feet and three trunks? An elephant with spare parts.
42. What did the zookeeper say when she saw four elephants in sunglasses coming over a hill? Nothing. She didn't recognize them.
43. Why did the rabbit go to the barber? To get a hare-cut.
44. What has bread on both sides and frightens easily? A chicken sandwich.
45. What happens if you throw a yellow rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.
46. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter? Either peanut butter with a wonderful memory, or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
47. What do you get when you cross a duck and a cow? Quackers and milk!
48. What did one atom say to the other atom? Nothing. Atoms can't talk!
49. What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? The letter M.
50. What is the tallest building in the world? A library -- it has so many stories!
51. What has teeth but doesn't bite? A Comb!
52. What has many eyes but cannot see? A potato!
53. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because the students were so bright!
54. How do you stop a 2,000 pound hamster from charging? Take away its credit cards.
55. A duck walked into a store. He asked the manager if they had any chap stick. The manager said "yes". The duck said "put it on my bill."
56. What do you get when you cross a comedian and a rabbit? A funny bunny!
57. Where does a Snowman keep his money? In a snowbank.
58. What kind of music do cows like? Country Mooo-sic!!
59. Where do bunnies go to dance? A hare ball.
60. What is as big as an elephant and weighs nothing at all? An elephant’s shadow!
61. What is gray, has a trunk and weighs about 5 pounds? A mouse going on holiday.
62. How can you tell if there's an elephant in your sandwich? You can't pick it up.
63. Who takes longer to get ready for a trip--an elephant or a rooster? The elephant--it has to pack a big trunk, while the rooster takes only a comb.
64. How do you stop a stinky fish from smelling? Hold its nose.
65. How does a crazy chicken tell time? With a cuckoo cluck.
66. Where do owls stay on vacation? At a hoot-tel.
67. Knock-Knock. Who's there? Philip. Philip who? Fill up my glass please.
68. Knock-Knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry it's only a joke!
69. Knock-knock. Who's there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup or you won't win the race!
70. What is the only thing that you can put into a bucket that will make it lighter? A hole.
71. Why is Cinderella no good at soccer? She keeps running away from the ball!
72. Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get a Quarterback!
73. Knock, knock. Who's there? House. House who? House it going?
74. What did the tie say to the hat? "You go on a head, I'll just hang around."
75. Why did the boy throw water out the window? Because he wanted to see a waterfall!
76. Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
77. Which is the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles. Because there is a mile between each s!
78. What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil? "Stop going in circles and get to the point!"
79. What did one penny say to the other? "Together we make cents."
80. Did you hear about what happened at the laundromat last night? Three clothespins held up two shirts!
81. What is orange and keeps on falling off walls? Humpty Pumpkin!
82. Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow? So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.
83. How did the elephant hide on the pool table? He was wearing a green hat.
84. How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in your bathtub? You can smell the peanuts on his breath.
85. Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.
86. Why did the elephant paint himself all-different colors? So he could hide in the crayon box.
87. Why do elephants wear green tennis shoes? To hide in the tall, tall grass.
88. How do you catch an elephant? Hide in the grass and make a noise like a peanut.
89. Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.
90. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut.
91. What do you call a missing parrot? A polygon.
92. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
93. Knock, knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go MOO!
94. How did the praying mantis uncover the caterpillar's secret plans? She bugged his phone.
95. What would happen if a ladybug ever got scared? Her eyes would bug out.
96. Why did it take the monster ten months to finish a book? Because he wasn't very hungry.
97. What does the dog say when he sits on sandpaper? Ruff! Ruff!
98. What gets wetter while it dries? A towel!
99. Why did the police go to the baseball game? Somebody stole second base!
100. What is a bow that is impossible to tie? A rainbow.
101. What do you throw out when you need it and take in when you don't need it? An anchor.
102. What do you get when you put a turtle and a helicopter together? A Shellacopter.
103. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they have honey combs!
104. Why did the ostrich put a net over his head? Because he wanted to catch his breath.
105. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words.
106. What does a baby snake play with? A rattlesnake.
107. What do you call a rooster with a bad sunburn? A fried chicken.
108. What do you say when you bounce a clock on a trampoline? Time's up!
109. How do sheep keep their feet warm? They wear wool socks.
110. What do you call a train made out of bubble gum? A Choo-Choo (chew-chew) Train!
111. Why did Cinderella get kicked off of the baseball team? Because she ran away from the ball!
112. Which room can you not enter? Mushroom!
113. Why are people so tired on April 1? Because they just had a March of 31 days!
114. What gets smaller when you put more stuff in it? A Hole!
115. A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be? His horse's name was Friday.
116. Where does a bird go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
117. What five letters do you say when you look into the refrigerator and are disappointed? "Why are you empty?"
118. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.
119. What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
120. How many animals did Moses bring on the Ark? NOAH built the Ark not Moses!
121. What did a man find in his pocket that only had a head and a tail? A Penny!
122. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy!
123. Name a five letter word that has three consonants all the same and two different vowels. ERROR!
124. What is always said to happen but never really does? Tomorrow!
125. What do you call a happy mushroom? A Fun-Guy!
126. Why can’t you tell a joke on ice? Because the ice will crack-up!
127. What is useful when it is broken? An Egg!
128. Why did the basketball player bring a suitcase with him to a ball game? Just in case he travels!
129. What is the best snake to take into a math class? An adder!
130. What is a history teacher's favorite fruit? Dates!
131. Did you hear about the teacher that had to wear sunglasses in the classroom? She had extremely bright pupils!
132. What do you call a goat who robs banks? Billy the kid!
133. If a house mouse sleeps in a house and a field mouse sleeps in a field do dormice sleep in dorms?
134. Why is the sky so high? So birds don't bump their heads!
135. How do you stop rabbits digging up your garden? Easy - take their spades away!
136. Waiter, bring me a crocodile sandwich...and make it snappy!
137. Did you hear about the Shetland Pony who was asked to leave the animal choir? He was a little horse!
138. What's gray and zooms through the jungle at 10 miles per hour? An elephant on a motor bike!
139. What sort of paintings did fish prefer? Watercolors!
140. What sort of music was invented by cavemen? Rock music!
141. How do you tell which end of a worm is the head? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
142. Why couldn't the butterfly get into the dance? Because it was a moth-ball!
143. How do you know when there's an elephant hiding under your bed? Your nose touches the ceiling!
144. Here on Earth it's always true that a day follows a day. But there is a place where yesterday always follows today. In a Dictionary!
145. What kind of can never needs a can-opener? A Pelican.
146. What is the difference between a healthy rabbit and a sick joke? One is a fit bunny, the other is a bit funny.

 

Kolya's going to love this one. I'll have to share a bunch of them with her in the morning.

Her 3 favorite jokes are:

1. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut
2. How do you catch a unique rabbit? U-nique up on it
3. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, u-nique up on it

 

Those are funny HT. I'll have to share them.

 

Anyone have more knock knock jokes? Kolya's just started to get into those, and I'd love to have a bunch for her.

 

Knock knock!
Felix.
Felix who?
Felix my ice cream I'll lick his.

 

Knock Knock-Who's there? Bannana
Bannana Who?
Knock Knock-Who's there?Bannana
Bannana Who?
Knock Knock-Who's there?Orange
Orange Who?
Orange you glad I didn't say bannana?

 

-Knock-Knock.
-Who's there?
-Control Freak. Now u say "control freak who?"

 

LOL. r those jokes in this thread? Der r so many, i can't tell if those 3 r in there.

 

-Knock-knock.
-Who's there?
-Alabama.
-Alabama who?
-No, Alabama self.