Dear Mr. President...

This is called satire. Anyone who does not understand that has a mind the size of a pea. Thank you.

Dear Mr. President,

I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would
propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same-sex
marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a
man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I
can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for
example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18.22 clearly states it
to be an abomination. End of debate.

However, I do need some advice from you regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how best to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus15.19-24). The problem
is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite
them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35.2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Leviticus11.10), it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees
of abomination?

7. Leviticus.21.20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if
I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room
here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Leviticus19.27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn't we just burn
them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who
sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Yours truly,
An Inquiring Supporter

 

Smite away to your hearts content.
Just remember there is to be no smiting on the sabbath.
Even though it is gods work that you do, it is still work.

 

Hmmm, and here I thought smiting was Gods domain.

One thing, when it comes time for him to smite a city, or maybe just a person, I'd rather be several states away. While His aim is impeccible, He tends to leave rather big holes (deep too) that can cover from a city block to the whole city when He is feeling really riled.

Personally I've always thought God has a terrific sense of humor. I mean, just look around...

That brings up another issue, does the President sign bills with his right hand or his left?

 

That Leviticus runs a tight ship.

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/lev/intro.html

Steve

 

Galatians 6:7

Don't be deceived. God is not mocked, for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

 

God does have a great sense of humor for sure....just tell Him your plans

Behind every satirical message there is an element of truth. Great posting Wenchie But just to get back to the truth a second - all those quotations from the Bible are from the Old Testament. Things kinda changed when Jesus showed up here on earth and set a few things straight, hence why the New Testament was written - to encourage us to walk that walk, not those who went before Him.

And for those of you who are sceptical, maybe a geek-related example will help you. Ever had that hard drive crash and you lost some if not all of your data and files? Well, Jesus saves...it's all in the New Testament

 

Great link, Thanks Steve

 

Yes, but I always thought that example applied to the hard drive of my Xbox 360... confused

 

I'm sorry Mimsy......Jesus never had an Xbox 360....

 

Of course, I should have known better. In his divine wisdom, he played all his games on a PC!

 

nice site. interesting.

 

Jesus can't save you when you've sold your soul to bill gates.

 

No, no, Jesus plays Nintendo. The PC is the realm of satan. On the other hand:

Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes.

 

It may be true that jesus saves but Beckam scores.

http://bestsmileys.com/sports2/19.gif

 

That was random......

 

He's a no nonsense type of guy

Steve

 

Does anyone even read Leviticus anymore that isn't a 'something' power wanna be? I seem to recall them skipping it in Catholic school...

 

Hehe... I was raised Roman Catholic. I'm therefore now an atheist. Same reason.

 

I'm not taking this all personally...honest...my middle name isn't Iticus

 

I don't believe Leviticus would approve of that

 

Good thing he's dead huh?

 

I disagree with all of this making fun of the Christian religion. Anywaygang I
signed up to ask a serious question. I have a spam blocker that parks itself in front of my email and I can't find a way to get rid of it. I uninstalled AVG thinking it might have been a part of it, but it's still there. It does not show up in my add or remove programs and all I find to identify it is that it is rectangular with a shield on the left side and the word SPAM BLOCKER on the right. Below that it shows the number of unopened emails and states that none of them contain a virus. Hope you can help. betty c

 

<is smitten>

 

Make a post in Software please. This is hardly the place for a technical question.

 

I suppose. When a religion exists long enough to be considered ancient, they do tend to become lost in the translation.

There's a place for humour, and even satire, in matters of religion. Of course, if this kind of thing annoys you, any of you, that's understandable; but I wouldn't take it personally. I've had to take worse than this for my beliefs. The funny thing about it is that what Wenchie appears to be making fun of is an existing problem in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. There are social laws so old that they are unpracticable in the modern world. Unquestionably, there are places on earth that would put someone to death over less. The law of God has come to mean nothing in the East and the West, so it's natural, to me at least, that there are people who poke fun at those who claim to defend it.

 

Ok, time for my two cents LOL

There is a very hugh misconception about Christianity and religion. The two aren't even similar - religion is what people do to make them selves feel better when they were out saturday night drinking and foolin around and then going to church on sunday, religion is just a way to apease one's conscience. Thats why there IS so much hypocrisy.

Christianity, however is based on having a relationship with God/Jesus Christ. Yes, Christians follow the bible but the whole thing not just parts of it.

Another mis-conception: Catholics are Christians. They are in fact not.

If you want to see who is a christan person, watch thier life - how they, dress, talk, react.

(this is not to bash anyone, so please dont get offended )

 

I hope you meant that is the mis-conception and not the truth.
Many people who don't know about a particular religion tend to knock it.

Myself, I tend to frown on churches who speak in tounges and all the related things that go with it. That's just me. I don't really care how one's church work's. The important thing is the relationship of the individual with God.

 

:wave Amen, dyamond.

It's good to see someone smiling here, and with a sincerely Christian response. And that's what's called a gem, btw, not two cents. LOL

 

haha.. you caught my mistake before i edited it LOL

 

Perhaps I may read the bible one of these days, I didn't realise it contained fashion tips - I could always use some; Retro is still in, isn't it ?

 

Thanks, chipper.

And Shane - the bible has great tips... I suggest you should read it some time

 

There are two subjects I try not to discuss in a public forum, those are religion and politics. You hit on both. My orientation is also a private matter, unless circumstances require me to make it public.
Bug

 

Catholicism is an offshoot of Christianity. Its roots are from the very thing you say it is not

As for christianity not being a religion, I think we all know better.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion

1.a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.


As in all religions there are those who exploit it, and those who truely follow it. That doesnt make it any less of a religion though

 

This quote was part of the service at a friend's wedding. If anything sums up reality better, I have not read it. Although I believe change is an inevitable part of life, I have yet to see anything change this:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection in the mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as now I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13

The Bible quote above is not a statement of 'religion' if one takes 'religion' to mean a formal attendance of ritual and ceremony. That quote relates spirituality in its truest sense, which is the means of returning to God. That particular path is open to anyone, whether they call themselves Christian or not.

 

Good points, Adryn.

However, Maybe its just the roots.. because Catholicism has drifted very far from Christianity.

Catholics - follow the pope, have confessions every week, and pray to statues (aka idolatry).

Christians - Do none of those.



I see I didnt explain my self well enough here

Christianity per se is a religion - to the outside world. To Christians that couldnt be farther from the truth, Christianity is a way of life, not just something to do on sunday


__________________

 

Religion IS defined as a way of life, but as I mentioned, there are those who follow, and those who exploit.

Yes, Catholicism has drifted far from its roots, but looking at the bigger picture, you cannot say with any certainty (and be correct) that Christianity is the only way to salvation. Look at the larger picture of history.

As for idolatry--thats subjective, is it not? Crosses adorn Christian churches, paintings, portraits, and decorations relating to the 'likeness' of Christ adorn churches.

That, in its most basic definition, idolatry. You dont specifically have to pray 'to' an object. Now, if they were just decorations, thats different yes. But christians hold them as holy, and it is symbolic of their faith.

Its all semantics. All religions have their problems.

 

That pretty much sums up all religions and faiths right there.

The only thing that matters is actions.

 

Most be a different catholic church than I go to....
We listen to the Pope's advice on how we should act as Christian's ...just like a member of any other church does with it's leaders. We do not follow him as one would a political leader.
We do confess, why is that a problem? The Bible says we should. Our confession follows an introspective search of our sins. Another good thing. If we don't realize that we are sinning we will continue to live in them. This is before we take communion. Another thing that was told for us to do in the Bible. Jesus left us examples of what we should do and he did this. (Many people say What would Jesus do without thinking what it really means)
The statue thing....yes like all religions, there are some who don't understand and come up with weird interpetations, ie; some Baptists and holding of poisonous snakes. Catholics (true Catholics) do NOT pray to statues, we pray to God through Jesus.

 

Never said Christianity that is the way to salvation ,its not, Jesus is.

And not all people or churches who claim to be Christians, really are. Like I said you need to watch one’s life or what a church preaches to determine whether they are “Christians” or not


Musk, I didnt say all Catholics. The Catholic church I went DID do that... its why I left.

 

It never fails to amaze me how a JOKE post can turn into a religious debate.

Well, whatever...

 

LOL, at least it's a well mannered debate.

 

:neenerI'm pretty sure Jesus did this.

I understand what you are saying, dyamond. There are alot of misconceptions about what Catholic is, even within the Church itself. Actually, that goes for any religion. Most just go to mass or sermons and never study the basics of their religion. I have because I was bothered by some of the things you mentioned. I found out that a lot of the things that are supposed to be Catholic are rumours, made up add-ons, and just plain innovations that should have never been.
But Jesus once said to his Apostles (don't qoute me and don't make me look it up) Something in the effect that those who are with Him shouldn't be counted as enemies. His Apostles had reported to him about some others who weren't Apostles were preaching good things about Him and what they should do about them.
What I am trying to say is, if someone is trying to do right and worship GOD, let them and don't criticize them. Help them if they are erring.
And those that refuse to believe in GOD......they'll learn someday

 

aye I didnt mean to start a controversy LOL sorry guys

edit: I demand you look it up right now!! I was exact wording musk… just kidding

 

@dyamond...No prob. I probably have had WAY too much caffiene and didn't have anything better to do but preach. :hyper

 

It's threads like this I really miss Insomniac. He would have a field day with it.

Steve

 

That IS how it got started. Religion isn't a joke to some.