Everything I know about computers, I learned from Hollywood

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the space bar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. (See #7, above)

11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

16. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.

17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labeled.

20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

22. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

 

Don't forget, Monitors are projectors. How many times have you seen the display from a monitor projected on the actors face. Funny, I couldn't mine to do it though.

 

My personal favourite:

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English

 

* When shooting the monitor, all data is lost from the computer...

 

You can laugh, but I'd wager that the majority of people (who don't visit this site regularly) have never and would never even THINK of those possibilities.

LOL

 

Hmm, it's guess the movie, this is from "Clear and Present Danger" starring Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clear_and_Present_Danger_(film)

 

What about the computers that have AI programs and start to do things THEIR way? :eek
Hal in 2001: Space Odyssey
The computer in War Games and others.

 

Cummon now, you mean you haven't had programs do something similar?

I have, especially when I've been doing 20 hour sessions.

 

roflmao seen that in two films i watched reacently

 

Hmm, yeah. And they blow up - like they were packed with explosives. http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g309/Zobor/yikes.gif rolleyes

 

This my my personal favorite I get down on my knee's and watch for the space bar to be hit and if I can't tell I rewind it forty times to check or until someone says "I hate watching DVD's with you"

JUST TAP THE DAMN THING FEW TIMES SO I CAN GET SOME SLEEP!

 

And here are a few more.....
1. The internet connects to everything in the movies. You can edit credit records, search hotel registries, lookup police criminal files, search (and edit) drivers license databases, edit social security files and more just using the internet!

2. One can issue any complex set of commands in a few keystokes

3. The internet connects to everything in the movies. You can edit credit records, search hotel registries, lookup police criminal files, search (and edit) drivers license databases, edit social security files and more just using the internet!

4. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

5. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access them.

6. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems (especially the wireless ones they must be using when they're in the car) usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

7. The most relevant information is displayed in a separate window right in the middle of the screen, but there's never an Ok button to other way to close it.