Celibacy, not a trend but an ideal...

It is not uncommon to hear of many youth of today who take on celibacy until marriage. However, it is unusual to hear of those in the limelight with the same ideals as this star:

"Lenny Kravitz Gives Up Sex
(Soundbuzz, Saturday January 26, 12:00 PM)


Rocker Lenny Kravitz has given up sex - and has been celibate for three years as a result.

The 'Are You Gonna Go My Way' star has been linked with some of Hollywood's most beautiful women, including Nicole Kidman, Madonna, and Penelope Cruz, in the past, but now abstains from getting physical until marriage.

'[It's] just a promise I made until I get married. Where I'm at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. It usually trips them out, but that's the way it's going to be. I'm looking at the big picture.' "

Are such youth of today maintaining celibacy as an ideal approach for a future partner, or more as a "health" precaution?

 

More like a grab for public attention. That would be my guess in in Lenny's case.

 

This is nothing new. Cliff Richard did the same decades ago.

Lenny Kravitz has been a Christian since he was 13. Obviously this is part of his 180 turn from his old self. He's only human - he's screwed up (or around) - and now he's working on himself and his relationship with God

 

Very interesting topic! My two cents… I myself am waiting until I get married. That’s not to say I haven’t messed up in the past but its been almost six years since then. People look at me like Im crazy when I tell them that Im waiting its like they cant believe Im still alive but I am! LOL

Aside from the physical consequences, there are also emotional and spiritual ones as well. I've read (several times) a very good book, its called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, that explains this point very well. Now I know a lot of you aren’t going to believe me but its true! I mean why do you think its so hard (for girls mainly because we are more emotional) to leave/break up with someone after you’ve crossed that line?

Hmm, I just wonder how many people are going think Im really crazy now?

 

True. Cliff Richard is a prime example...but he is the only prominent star type person I can actually think about...and he has maintained that stance which I think is great.

But then when moving away from prominent persons, it becomes interesting to see changes over the years. It seems to have done a full cycle and now exercised by today's youth.

 

I find attitudes regarding celibacy interesting, particularly when looking at it from a historical perspective. Personally, I don't believe you are crazy, but rather admire you for your convictions.

Trends and attitudes have a way changing, which includes that for celibacy. For example, in the Western World, the 1960’s brought about many changes to the previous decade, such as the sexual revolution. The feminist movement also brought about many changes, such as recognition of the equality of women in many ways – eg: equal pay, equal rights and it was a generally accepted view for women to be just as and equally promiscuous as men.

But attitudes moving towards and since the start of the 21st Century have changed, where both sexes now seriously consider celibacy. It is highlighted when admitted to by someone prominent in the public's eye.

 

Dunno. My way of thinking, is the risk of unnecessary ridicule and accusations to the contrary, worth it just for attention. Not really knowing the guy, I reckon he is being genuine, because this statement seems to sum up his reasoning: "Where I'm at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. ".

 

I am a fully paid up member of the 60s revolution and enjoyed every moment, it was a great time to be growing up we had it all some of the greatest musicians great clothes sexual freedom and a great economy where we always had money in our pockets (how things have changed).

I understand the celibacy from religious conviction and it is very applaudable but now you have to take into consideration the fact that there are so many sexually transmitted diseases and these can have long term effects even life threatening, in the 60s no one had ever heard of AIDS so the younger members of society today have a lot more to think about before they go that extra step and indulge in sexual activities.

the girls/ladies have so much more to lose than the guys I.E; reputation,unwanted pregnancy,disease and many other associated problems, a guy is considered a stud if he sleeps around but a girl gets called a slut so it's a great thing that they take control of they destiny.

http://bestsmileys.com/banned/1.gif

 

You’ve made some interesting, spot on and controversial points Bill:

As you’ve acted through a benchmark transition of the 60’s revolution, you’ve seen first hand the dramatic changes, (in many ways and areas) of that era…in particular the sexual revolution.

You’ve made some excellent points here in my simple opinion.

Although sexually transmitted diseases were on the rise with so much promiscuity during the 60’s sexual revolution, outbreak of the AIDS epidemy in the early 1980s marked the return of conservative values into society…until the discovery of more effective ways to control AIDS infections.

So although today’s youth have a time line of recent historical references per above, in my simple opinion, I still reckon celibacy is more a well rounded quality choice regardless.

Although in some instances females have “so much more to lose than the guys”, it is interesting how a double standard often still appears to apply for females nowadays.

However, in today’s Western world, males also can be branded with an unsavoury “reputation”, or “disease and many other associated problems”…and yes, can even be considered a “slut” and shunned by females (often those he may have eyed/pursued).

Also, with applicable laws (dependent on jurisdiction/country), males can land up with the result and/or responsibility of an “unwanted pregnancy”…so men don’t always get off "scott free" any more today...maybe such male types should consider celibacy

 

All I know is everyone else is getting it except me, dangit!

 

A few points 1. CLIFF RICHARD IS GAY! him and his boyfriend live together in a vineyard the reason he's says he's celebate is to sell records,70 year old women dream of living in that vineyard with Cliff while they listen to his music.

2.I agree Lenny Kravitz is pulling a publicity stunt.

3.Use a rubber thats why god invented latex,life's too short to abstain from sex for any length of time its one of the few pleasures in life,you could get trapped in an industrial microwave tomorrow.

 

There is a difference between celibacy and not being sexually active. The latter may be an involuntary state, which is not the type of celibacy I initially referred to.

But I don't believe that celibacy only falls under being a religious ideal. Some people hold back as a personal choice, because in their way of thinking, they seek more substance of a partner rather than limiting to the physical.

And yes, sex is one of the most natural things in the world, and those adults who choose to be celibate as an ideal for their type of partner, being celibate can be a natural thing and not necessarily the type of celibate approach taken by those characters portrayed in "Sex and the City"LOL

I agree on your points regarding sexual activity and teenage mental maturity. For teenagers, "involuntary celibacy" often applies, and again, this is not the type of celibacy I initially referred to.

 

Good point, if you want safe sex and avoid being in an involuntary state of celibacy, which isn't the type of celibacy being referred to here.

Some people voluntarily choose to be celibate simply because they seek substance in a partner rather than limiting a relationship to only being physical. And when their ideal partner is found, they probably begin with the use of "a rubber" for initial health safety until medically cleared and precautions against pregnancy are in place

But then, like is commonly said: "different folk, different strokes"LOL


*I didn't know God invented latex!*

 

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b214/Rikky_/rolf.gifbwahahaha
"a rubber"

You make me feel like I'm having a conversation about sex with one of my highschool teachers I wasn't tryna reduce your thread into childishness if thats how its seemed

Right so as a relationship ideal should people wait until they are married before having sex to make sure the relationship isn't based on sex?No I think thats disproportionate to its effect on how truthful people are when in a relationship,if you've known someone for a few weeks or months and you both feel your the greatest people in the world I think the only next logical step is to know each other more intimately I don't think by waiting another year or longer you can prove anything more to each other.

If a couple has proved to each other they are in love and don't need sex to maintain the relationship I don't see how adding sex post marriage can improve their situation,it seems to me like your adding something that can cause a whole heap of incompatibility problems.

EDIT as a reply to your original question I think most pre marital celibacy,90% is religion based and the other 10% do it as way of giving their partner a gift and romantic notions,I think its only a very small percentage who don't have sex pre maritally after they have fallen for someone through fear of catching a disease.

 

i find that hard to believe as he has had long lasting relationships with two famous women i know of Una Stubbs and Sue Barker

 

My apologies Rikky, it wasn't my intention to come across in that manner. I had taken your comments as valid points.

For those who take on celibacy until marriage, it becomes a personal choice. And those that I've personally seen take this stance have had successful relationships that continued into a beautiful and loving marriage and family.

Somehow, incompatibility from (personal observation) doesn't seem to come into, because, development of open communication between the couple, when issues arise, the couples have reached mutually viable and amicable resolution.

I'm open on the question of celibacy. Having been on "both sides of the fence", I've been happy to have an intimate relationship with someone that I felt was mutually emotionally and mentally involved with me.

However, I have also taken on voluntary celibacy (and once again not like those characters from "Sex and the City" when not in a relationship). It is something I am comfortable with, because personally, I can't get "turned on" unless there is more substance to a man than just a physical aspect. So voluntary celibacy for me is easy to slip into when not in a relationship (plus I normally tend to lead a pretty active life...which helpsLOL)

Valid points imho which I agree with.

Thanks Rikky!

Cheers

LS

 

It is a noble gesture whether the reason be religious, health or moral.
On the other side of the coin given todays gender confusion one might end up with one in the same

 

Bah

 

i feel really sorry for them they have the mammeries of the female and the genitals of the male (how freaky)

 

@Rikky
i can see the frustration with you as your a young healthy male and your instinks are to procreate but we must also give respect to those who choose to remain celebate

 

You earlier noted "Celibacy is a religious ideal." Accepted, there are those who abstain until marriage for religious reasons. But I don't believe it is only confined to being a religious ideal. So in this respect, imo, the definitions of celibacy will differ.

Earlier, I noted my attitude as being a personal choice for personal reasons whenever on a voluntary basis which differs to those who make a personal choice to abstain completely for chastity reasons until marriage. Those were my personal opinions and of a totally different context to those who abstain for chastity reasons.

Some abstain until marriage to maintain a purity as a religious ideal, whereas others seek that purity on higher level to the physical because they seek substance, and it doesn't need to be religious.

In my view, celibacy can't be looked at in a black/white context...it needs perspective, reasonings, history as a minimum. That's why I find the topic interesting when viewing it from different perspectives, which is already occurring in this thread.

 

I think I see a hangup between terms here in the conversation = "Celibacy" and "Abstinence"............... might be the actual difference of opinion/wording that y'all are getting at.
I had an 8 year period of intentional abstinence once - it was, indeed, transcendental. Have also had genuinely transcendental sexual experiences = there is value in both - both nourish the soul.

Y'all have fun,
Port-O-San

 

I wasn't gonna comment on this but with all due respect Bill there isn't a single thing right with this statement

I'm not frustrated,I'm not particularly young or healthy,I don't stinkAnd I don't think I've been disrespectful to people who choose to abstain,I'm approaching the subject as a hypothetical Ideal situation,what is the most logical path for a healthy relationship or marriage.

I'm open to other people's views and as usual hoping to learn something, then when I decide to leave the house I'll test it on some of these girl things I keeps hearing so much about

 

...Nearly six years for me, (without "it"). Partly circumstances, partly my choice. Any longer, and I may as well join a Monastery . ~ Then again, I'm not exactly adverse to it, by any means. Wife decided to split on me, in case you're wondering - 25 years well wasted.rolleyes

 

I was on the whole "no sex until marriage" bus but then I ended up with a girl who was to me, perfect. For me it wasn't just recreation or just for fun but as has been previously stated, a way to build intimacy in a relationship. But i really do respect those who can seriously manage to remain celibate until marriage. I would've gone insane probably haha, even with all of the other fun stuff there is to do

Ha rikky i remember when we had that big argument a long while back in that one "I've Turned" thread. I see where u were coming from now haha.

yay i love discussion threads like this

LMAO @ Phantom. it's been 2 months here and im about ready to pop! (sucks about the wifey though )

 

I wanna be clear on my opinion of this,I know in that last thread I said we should all have as much sex as possible because we could be dead tomorrow but I don't agree with going out every night drinking and seeing who we can get in the sack I don't think sex should be that trivial

EDIT But I'm bias because I don't like clubbing and drunk girls don't float my boat

 

LMAO good point...

and yeah, im the same way about drunk girls lol. But when you are also intoxicated then one has a tendency to not think with your head (well, not the normal one lol)

 

The trouble with teens who make a celibacy pledge is that they think if they refrain from male-female vaginal sex they are still celibate even if they do everything else under the sun. Many of them think they are celibate (or practicing abstinence, whichever phrase makes you happier) when in fact they are more sexually active than people who have "actual" sex.

Not to say that everyone is that way, but it's entirely too common. Somehow kids have become convinced that having oral sex doesn't count. Thus the increase in sexually transmitted diseases over the last few years when they had been going down. Simply not having traditional sex does NOT make you a virgin, nor does it keep you safe from disease. They're actually doing more harm than good.

 

QFT, that is spot on. I was the same way actually lol

 

"The worst sex I ever had was still pretty damn good"...........Woody Allen.

I'm with Woody on this one!

 

Sadly Sgt. Tibbs, you have touched on a modern truth of the misconceived thinking and what is commonly occurring in teenage circles now. Statistics of such teenage practices have shocked parents.

That type of deluded thinking is not celibacy/abstinence in any manner or form. It often boils down to teenagers not understanding or being taught morals and/or different methods of sexually transmitted diseases.

 

I agree it is special, but there are several reasons as to why someone would wait: be it a gift to your husband/wife your wedding day, to retain a little bit of mystery in your relationship, I could go on and on. If you want to have any understanding of my point of view, read the book I suggested - its really good and you just might learn something LOL

Alot reasons have been listed here as to why they have, havent or wont. It is a personal decision some of have to make sometime in our lives.

I used to think so too! LOL but its been quite awhile and Im not insane am I? (nobody answer that)


@Sgt. Tibbs - you are point on! Its sad to see so many people try to see just how far they can push the line.

 

He married his stepdaughter who he'd raised from childhood,great example :confused

 

no, I didnt forget it but I dont think you really want to hear what I think regarding that statement

 

I feel bad for those who are celibate. Really.

Sucks to be you!

Mwahahahaha

 

roflmao I beg to differ!

Actually, you could only dream to be as cool as me

 

Anyone who thinks they aren't missing anything with sex, isn't doing it right.

'nuff said.

 

I was going to stay out of this but now I have one thing to say!

Troublemaker!

 

Exactly couldn't agree more they are such bad examples for anything like this and for anyone who missed it Cliff Richard isn't Gay I was wrong I apologize.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060908054616AAX5QVU

 

I feel bad for those who haven't got the discipline to be celibate if they so choose. Really.

Sucks to be you!

Mwahahahaha

 

Being that I am married, that wouldnt be discipline, that would be sheer idiocy.

So there.

 

I think if u can make it through your teens and early 20's you're somewhat in the clear lol. I did manage to make it through high school though! only by a month but hey, at least it's something

@ dyamond: After experiencing what I have with my now ex-girlfriend cry), I can definitely see why it would be so special to share for the first time with your spouse. But on the other hand, if you've had practice then it will just make it that much better! lol. One of my friends was talking to me about something and said, "that was almost as good as the second time I had sex!" to which I replied, "...the second time...?" "Yeah, because the first time I had no idea what the hell I was doing" but if you're both "noobs" then it wont be nearly as awkward haha

 

I hear Shania Twain and her husband have decided to abstain and it was HIS idea,thats control