English is a crazy language...!

I love English, and the way it teases with its pronunciations. Can you read these right the first time?

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
   
   
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
   
   
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
   
   
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
   
   
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
   
   
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
   
   
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
   
   
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
   
   
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
   
   
10. I did not object to the object.
    
    
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    
    
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    
    
13. They were too close to the door to close it
    
    
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    
    
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    
    
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    
    
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    
    
18. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    
    
19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    
    
20. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . . . There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP:"

• It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
  
  
• At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
  
  
• Why do we speak UP and why are the ministers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
  
  
• We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
  
  
• At other times the little word has real special meaning: People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
  
  
• And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close i t UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
  
  
• To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost ¼ of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
  
  
• If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
  
  
• When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on, but I'll wrap it UP, so............ Time to shut UP.....!

 

The funny thing is, I could read 1-20 right. Except for #15, that one got me.

It is a crazy language. Then you can get into synonyms (I think, been a while since I took an English class). Mr. Bleu blew out the blue candle.

E

 

Yeah...see what you mean.

 

Yep, English is a somewhat bizarre language at times. "Up" is usually, but not always, applicable to something, or some action that is incremental, or getting 'bigger'. (e.g. "write up"; "wind up", "polish up"; "warm up"). In a lot of cases, "up" is either used in place of a more eloquent term, or could be dropped altogether. (e.g. "write"; "wind"; "polished"; "warmed") would, in most cases, sound/look just as good in a sentence).

The 'weirdness' of English also empowers one of its greatest features - flexibility. (I'm sure there's an allegory of English culture itself there, somewhere. )

Re: Phononyms:- Some of them are fun. I remember this, rather puerile one. ("I am a sex object. Every time I mention sex, women object!" ~ Jackie Chan - 'They Call Him Bruce').

 

roflmao Why on earth would you want to desert your dessert in the desert?? thats crazy talk!

 

Maybe it melted

 

LOL That's good!

 

I looked "up" up in an on-line thesarus and there are only 2506 results for up: http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/up

 

1056 for "down". http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/down.

 

2605 for "up".

http://thesaurus.reference.com/browse/up

E

 

That would make one helluva list

 

Fascinating subject Legalsuit
It makes you wonder how people learn 'english' as a second language actually manage to understand it!
Anyone relate to this?

G

 

Actually, learning it as a first and perhaps the only language can be a bit of a problem at times too

For example:
A common one is how are `effect' or `affect' used? (something I still trip over if not careful rolleyes)
And what about: `further' and `farther'.

Something that can be puzzling for those who have English as a second language I've noticed is when to use "spectator" and how different is it to "audience".

There again, English is a "bastardised" language, ie made up of so many other languages, so no wonder it can get confusing too.

 

More fun items that can be confusing:

Some strange usage of English:

• drive in a parkway and park in a driveway
• people play at a recital and recite at a play
• night falls but never breaks and day breaks but never falls
• when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo
• a man get a hernia and a woman a hysterectomy
• we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase
• privates eat in the general mess and generals eat in the private mess
• people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists
• your nose runs and your feet smell

Paradoxes and vagaries of English:

• hot dogs can be cold,
• darkrooms can be lit
• homework can be done in school
• nightmares can take place in broad daylight
• morning sickness and daydreaming can take place at night
• tomboys are girls
• midwives can be men
• hours -- especially happy hours and rush hours -- often last longer than sixty minutes
• quicksand works very slowly
• boxing rings are square
• silverware and glasses can be made of plastic
• tablecloths made of paper
• a woman can man a station but a man can't woman one

Illogical expressions and phrases:

• The movie kept me literally glued to my seat.
• A non-stop flight
• My idea fell between the cracks
• I want to have my cake and eat it too
• A one-night stand
• to sleep with someone (Who's sleeping?)
• I'll follow you to the ends of the earth
• It's neither here nor there (so where is it?)
• Daylight saving time. (But not a single second of daylight is saved)
• pick up the phone (we pick up the receiver, not the phone)
• Put on your shoes and socks. (difficult to do - Same as trying to follow signs that say "Watch your head")
• They're head over heels in love (? sounds like an unsafe exercise)
• Put your best foot forward (do we have one foot better than the other?)

Plurals:

• wear a pair of pants but not a pair of shirts
• brassiere is singular but panties is plural
• six, seven, eight, and nine change to sixty, seventy, eighty, and ninety, but two, three, four, and five do not become twoty, threety, fourty, and fivety

 

Interesting Legalsuit.

darkrooms can be lit
homework can be done in school
nightmares can take place in broad daylight
morning sickness and daydreaming can take place at night
tomboys are girls
midwives can be men
hours -- especially happy hours and rush hours -- often last longer than sixty minutes

You use a safelight in a darkroom. And I never have understood how happy hour is from 4-7? If I had a bar, I would make happy hour exactly 60 mins just to mess with folks heads.

E

 

Other factors on this subject that North American english is so different to the other english.
Spelling of words ie color - colour, neighbor - neighbour etc
:confused

 

True...kinda strange when we all speak and write English(?!)

 

I think you and Rikky have gotta be related...you are both such teasers

 

Then there are all the local dialects which distort further the language.

So in answer to your title statement LS, it really is a crazy language

 

Local dialects! I won't even go thereLOL

 

The first post contained several very good puns, thank you.