Jokes

Spiders on Drugs

 

I guy walks into a bar. He hears someone say "You look nice". They guy says to the bartender "Who said that" and the bartender says "It was the peanuts, they're complimentary " HAHA!:-D

 

This isn't a joker, per se... but it's funny as hell. I would LOVE to see that photo album.

http://www.kptv.com/news/16875794/detail.html

 

Good one Darlene! I guess Canada is good for a laugh every once in a while!

E

 

That is too funy, think I'll sit in my front yard :-D

 

People are going on dates now to coffee bars.

This is the worst idea.

Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn't look any better.

 

Now going to a bar, one may improve their looks to someone else after that someone else drinks 6 beers. Turn you monitor 180 degrees...and look

 

The IRS decides to audit Ralph , and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph . 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph 's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph 's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it..

 

Redneck wedding photo

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb187/Darlene1029/wedding.jpg

 

SAN FRANCISCO (KGO) -- A man accused of commandeering the city of San Francisco's computer network for himself

Best Quote EVER by a Lawyer:

Reporters asked Jacobs if he thinks calling Childs a threat to public safety is an exaggeration.

"I'm a defense attorney. Of course I'm going to say it's an exaggeration. Of course he's not a threat to society. He loves kittens. I mean, what do you want me to say?"

 

Redneck Horseshoes

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb187/Darlene1029/redneckhorseshoes.jpg

 

just these then I'm done :-D

Redneck Wedding Cake

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb187/Darlene1029/weddingcake.jpg

article

http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb187/Darlene1029/dressingup.jpg

 

http://sendables.jibjab.com/

 

Thats so funny, I love jibjab

 

There were more but I think most have been seen before, these were too funny to pass up, MK would love em

 

I was reading Catch 22. Great book- the writing style is a more mellow version of Douglas Adam's. Anyways...

Doc: "The newlyweds? Did I ever tell you about the newlyweds?

They barge into my office one day without an apointment. Their problem? Dispite months of trying, they were unable to have a baby. After chatting with them, I took the woman into the back room for an examination. I was amazed to find that she was still a virgin. I asked the man if they had ever had sex- the man replied, yes every night, sometimes i put it in her in the morning too... I fetched some rubber dolls I kept on hand for this sort of thing, and showed them . They were quite embarrassed I must say.

 

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people
from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but
a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't
it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences
of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?

16. Why do they display photographs of criminals in Post Offices?
What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put
their photos on postage stamps so the postmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It' s only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags'
and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what
does that make the Tennessee Titans?

23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean
that one enjoys it?

 

Picture of the Perfect Man





















http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb187/Darlene1029/ScreenHunter_01Jul171118.gif

 

Re-Runs but still funny roflmao



'You know you're a redneck when.....



1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.


2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.


3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.


4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.


5. You think 'The Nutcracker' is a vice on the work bench

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.


7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.


8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.


9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.


10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.


11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.


12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.


13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.


14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.


15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.


17. You have a rag for a gas cap.


18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean?


20. You can spit without opening your mouth.


21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.


22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.


23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.


24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.


25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV


26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.


27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.


28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.


29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.


30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

 

I've never seen the re-runs, so they're new to me. roflmao

 

Oh OK, good funny huh?

 

Oh yep... too funny.... rflmao

 

Hey it takes a redneck to know a redneck


You might be a redneck if your truck has the same tires as your tractor.

You might be a redneck in you driven a old Dodge Colt through a mud bog. (Done it)

You might be a redneck if you can get stuck in your driveway. (Done that too)

You might be a redneck if your trucks gas tank is a boat tank in the toolbox on the bed. (Done it!!)

You might be a redneck if you know the difference between a Pickup and a Truck.

You might be a redneck if you use a sheet of plywood for a tailgate. (Yep thats me)

You might be a redneck if you can do 75mph around a 35mph turn sideways on a clay road. (Everyday)

You might be a redneck if you can do 75mph on a slick muddy road spinning wheels and stay on the road. (2days ago)

should i go on? I live the redneck life

 

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!' 'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?' 'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?' 'No problem,' replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,'That's a pretty nice car , all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!' Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly...WHOOOOSSSHHH!Something whips by him going much faster! 'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do ! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably,the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?' The old man whispers,......'Unhook my braces from your side view mirror. :-D

 

speeding

Why did I find this link now I’m going to get booted for scamming? I’ll try keep it to 1 a week.

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
===============================================

Older Woman:
Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer:
Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman:
Oh, I see.

Officer:
May I see your license please?

Older Woman:
I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer:
Don't have one?

Older Woman:
I lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer:
I see.
May I see your vehicle registration papers please?

Older Woman:
I can't do that.

Officer:
Why not?

Older Woman:
I stole this car.

Officer:
Stole it?

Older Woman:
Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:
You what?

Older Woman:
His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk,
if you would like to see them
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:
Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older Woman:
Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2:
One of my officers told me that
you have stolen this car and murdered its owner.

Older Woman:
Murdered the owner?

Officer 2:
Yes. Could you please open the trunk of your car?

The woman opens the trunk,
revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2:
Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman:
Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:
One of my officers claims
that you do not have a drivers license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2:
Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman:
Bet the liar also told you I was speeding, too!!!!!
Lesson:
If you know whats good for you,
DONT Mess With Older Ladies.
http://xs329.xs.to/xs329/08304/olderwomen588.gif

 

Sunday morning sex


I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...



Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
Grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died,
her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love
on
Sunday Morning.' Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. 'Oh no, my
dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we
figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to
ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...Nothing too
strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong' She paused to wipe
away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck
hadn't come along !!

 

you maybe a geek redneck if..
* If yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.
* Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.
* Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bail money.
* Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.
* Ya think a hard drive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.
* Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spit can.
* Ya think a surge suppressor is a pill for diarrhea.
* Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radio calls.
* Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.
* Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.
* Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.

* Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin.
* Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.
* Ya try to figure out how yer floppy disk got hard.
* Ya play Frisbee with yer CD Rom's.
* Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.
* When birds fly across yer screen ya reach for yer shotgun.
* Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.
* Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.
* Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.
* Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.
* Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.
* Ya give directions to a website that include a person, animal, or old barn.
* Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.
* Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.
* Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.
* Ya see the word "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.
* Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.
* Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.
* Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awnNYDwIOfM

 

Q: What is the Inuit phrase for a Peeping Tom?

A. Tom Tookalook

 

More of a story (funny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSlPJOfnJZk

 

Acting Your Age...
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

 

Important New Information on Aging
















oh crap I forgot

 

Good jokes!!:-D

 

Re: Jokes GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have
to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

 

Re: Jokes GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

Sorry about that nightstand...

E

 

A couple of redneck hunters are out in
the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing
and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other redneck starts to panic, then
whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He frantically blurts out to the operator,
"O my gawd! Help! My friend just died.
He's Dead! What can I do?"

The operator, trying to calm him says,
"Take it easy. I can help.
Just listen to me and follow my instructions.
First, lets make sure he's dead."
There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!

The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"

 

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house.
I watch house.
He come to house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go in hotel. I climb tree.
I look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss hi.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall off tree.
I not see.

No fee, Chen Lee. :-D

 

The revised list of Universal Truths


Wise words indeed!



1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.

17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice c ontrast to the real world.

23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

24. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

26. You should not confuse your career with your life.

27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

28. Never lick a steak knife.

29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

33. Your friends love you anyway.

34. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

35. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

 

A doctor who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman patient for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told the woman to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee.

"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks.................................. And believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

http://smileydatabase.com/s/927.gif

 

Loved your last one BILLMCC66 roflmao here is mine for today

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.

"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously, "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"

 

i can relate to all these

25 Signs That You Have Grown Up

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.



Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.



You keep more food than beer in the fridge.



6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.



You hear your favorite song in an elevator.



You watch the Weather Channel.



Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."



You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.



Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."



You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door

won't turn down the stereo.



Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.



You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.



Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.



You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.



Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.



You take naps from noon to 6 PM



Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.



Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,

rather than settle, your stomach.



If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid,

not condoms and pregnancy tests.



A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."



You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.



"I just can't drink the way I used to"

replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."



90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.



You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.



You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to

you and can't find one to save your sorry old ***.

 

:-d:-d:-d:-d:-d

 

Don't you just hate it when you send a text message on your cell phone and , due to 160 character limit, and your message gets cut off in the middle of a sentan

 

Two Little Boys

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.

Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.

'We were just playing 'church' mommy, ' he said.

'And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.'

 

Supposed to be Capital d's :-D

Guy walks into a bar. He sits down and hears someone say "you smell nice"
So he said to the bartender "Who said that"
And the bartender says "It was the peanuts. They're complimentary"
The reason why my jokes aren't funny? See my rank.

 

I liked it, made me lol :-D

 

It's just a joke girlshttp://www.clipartof.com/images/emoticons/xsmall2/2391_boy_with_flowers.gif

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.



Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?









Answer:

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man!



**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.








So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.



**** Men Keep scrolling








By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this
illustrates another point: Women never listen!

 

Rlly? Thnx.
@ billmcc66 LOL that was hilarious.

 

@ Bill:- Q: What do Santa Clause; the perfect woman; and the perfect man have in common?





A: All three only exist in mind(s) of the beholder, but are as real as you want them to be.