I need help. I am miserable and I don't know why.

Ever been at that state of mind where you are genuinely unhappy and you really don't know why? Well, I am. If anyone can help me figure out why I am this miserable, I'd really appreciate it.

I have a good job. I have a great marriage, with an absolutely wonderful man, and I have loyal good friends. There is no reason for me to be unhappy, yet I am. I wish I knew why.

 

Mimsy, have you looked into depression? Look into it. Honestly, I think I need to as well.

 

No, I haven't. I assumed if that was the problem I'd have a lot more symptoms than just being unhappy... and that it would need more than a week to hit me But I might as well... right?

And don't you dare mention PMS. For one, it's the wrong time of month

 

Mimsy, I am just down overall. My energy is down, and I just want to sleep on my day off. Something is off. Maybe the shift to Spring will wake me up. Who knows.

 

Sorry to hear that, Mims, Fred. I think we all get like that sometimes, though if it's long term you maybe should see your GP. The human brain is an amazing organ, but just a slight shift of chemicals could cause an imbalance leading to irrational feelings. If you have both got no reason to be unhappy, get medical advice. Now.

 

I feel for you Mimsy.
I have periods when i just feel that i have no purpose in life any more.
I like you have most things that should make me happy but still i get these black moods occasionally.
After a visit to a therapist they suggested anti depressants and for me they worked but it is not the best way for everybody.
I sincerely hope you soon feel better and the sun shines on your life.
http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/MSN_Emoticons/MSN-Emoticon-181.gif

 

Middle-age? It could be boredom? It could be that your current situation offers little challenge to you as you already know the stuff. Maybe it's seasonal, clocks going forward/backward an hour affects a lot of people. I just guessing here without more knowledge of your background and emotional make-up it's a little difficult to say. Is there a counsellor you could talk to?

 

I don't think any of us are experts in this field but I have allways held onto those little gems of life that we all come across from time to time _ not the so called gems that get thrown around the internet as though they were lollies; but the things that really impact on life.

However first of all have a look at this guy, it may not make you feel better, but it will certainly give you something to think about. http://www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html

I am only a "newbie" on this site but it is immediately obvious that you have helped many people and put some considerable effort into it all. So depression doesn't sound right to me.

Please watch the vid' and I shall be back online tommorrow.

Denn

 

All I can talk about is my situation. Since I was a teen, there has always been this feeling that I'm "missing something" from life that continues to this day, Most days I don't even notice it and I'm my usual jovial self, but some days are really black with a lack of direction or purpose.

There's also a lot of people experiencing SAD(Seasonal Affective Disorder) due to lack of sun and thereby Vitamin D and light.

 

Yup, sure have. Times when no matter what happens, you are just in a funk. You can't get enthused about anything. Even if the solution to your most vexing problem just dropped into your lap, you'd just shrug.

I view these times as the inevitable price we [man kind {not you, ManKind, but all us'ns}] must pay for happiness. Unfortunately, the only way we can really feel happy, is when we have something to compare it to that isn't happiness. If we were happy alll the time, then happy wouldn't really be happy, it would be normal. If we had only three sets of feelings happy; very happy; and ecstatically happy, then after a while very happy would be the norm, being merely happy would equate to being sad or depressed and being ecstatically happy would equate to happiness. Confused yet (i am, but that's my normal, i have to be unbelievably confused to actually feel confused - although i still have nothing on Speculant)? If not, read on! I regard times when i have these feelings as a recalibration, sort of a mental tuneup, re-establishing the base line, so i have a better perspective (as distinguished from The Total Perspective Vortex). That's just my take on what is going on when i encounter the type of situation you're describing.

As for a solution, i would suggest doing something (how's that for specific? rolleyes ). No, really do anything, take a walk, brew a mug of coffee (tea, chocolate cake, whatever); clean the house; go to the zoo; but don't do stuff that normally makes you happy, because then if it doesn't change your mood, you'll just re-enforce the negative feelings. Do stuff that's OK, not amazing, because if it doesn't work, well, it's no big deal. You just need to to feel better, not best.

You need to realize that you're dealing with an emotion here, not a conclusion based on reasoning. And i have found that emotions tend to be extremely resistant to logical assault. Reasoning your way out of sadness or depression has a very low probablity of success, in my experience, so you need to do something allogical (not necessarily illogical, but if that works for you - go for it). Just change your setting, your circumstance, and or your actions, even in small ways, and you will eventually stumble onto that change that is pushing you (incrementally at least) in the right emotional direction.

Well, i hope that helps. Then again, since you posted this last night, and have probably (and i hope you have!) hit that great reset button that is sleep. You may find the problem resolved. Good luck!

"You cannot reason a person out of a position
he did not reason himself into in the first place."
-Jonathan Swift

 

Mimsy, it could be anything from hormonal imbalance to hypothyroidism to boredom. I agree ---- get out and do something TOTALLY different from your usual and see if that doesn't reinvigorate you.
If it is depression, it won't go away without some help. Not necessarily meds, but talk with your doc about it.
If it is only S.A.D. or temporary downinthedumps, it will pass without you having to do anything.

Best wishes

 

Being they always lump depression and anxiety together I can comment on the anxiety part. It's the scariest thing to experience being there is no conscious reason for feeling ( fearful, panicked, sweaty) it's truly horrible how you can loose control of your own body. Not knowing for sure what your going through if it were me I would have a physical to be sure everything is operating as it should.

 

Hi Mims,

Think it might be SAD(Seasonal Affective Disorder) between the snow or torrential downpours every weekend I've got the blahs too. Didn't help that everyone has been passing around some nasty virus for two months now. Finally went to dr. and starting to feel better.

Think in winter here we all get into a funk when a tough one. How about a long weekend trip to a B&B, go antique window shopping, don't have to buy them, just appreciate the craftsmanship or whatever you two find interesting, just get away for a few days.

Hope you feel more chipper soon.

 

Hi Mims,

I know we had a slight disagreement several weeks ago and I would like to appoligize to you and send you a little something. Hope this Helps.

 

True. However, emotions don't just show up out of nowhere, they are a reaction to something around us, and if I can reason out what triggered it, then I'm halfway there. After all, if I'm miserable because I'm lonely, taking a long bath while listening to my favorite music might not help. If I'm miserable because I'm stressed on the other hand, a relaxing bath would work great.

I hadn't thought about it just being a spring depression, mainly because I never get those. Never. Then again, I suppose there is a first time for everything, and if it is just spring blues, then it will at least pass. Eventually.

Thank you everyone for nice words and for suggestions. I'm planning to try and do something unusual every day for the next week or so, and see if I can find out what was missing, that made me unhappy.

I've already started: This morning I went to a coffee shop with a friend I haven't seen in several months, and we had a great time just catching up, drinking cappuccinos and lattes, and venting about our jobs and weasel coworkers together. We're going to try and get together again, and a bit sooner than six months from now this time.

With any luck, my mooched book will arrive this week too, and I'm really looking forward to that.

 

Hello Mimsy..... I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time... Several years ago, I had the same feelings as you had.... I tried everything to help alleviate my problem. I decided to go to the doctor. They diagnosed me with an illness. I'm okay now, illness healed.

Sometimes, when the body is ill, the chemistry in your brain changes and it is trying to alert you of something wrong before it's too late.... Now I'm not saying that you have something wrong, but it would be a good thing for you to just go for a check-up. At least, when the doctor says that you are in good health, your mood will lift ten-fold.

I hope you feel better soon....

Shelagh

 

roflmao Apparently laughing is also good.

You're welcome over... I won't be here though, I'll be at the gym. :strong Touch the scotch, and I'll kill you.

 

Hey save some for me too :-D

A little nip or two is just what the doctor ordered ! :yum


Shelagh...

 

Always

Dream on. I work out in sweat pants and a huge baggy t-shirt. Comfort first. The gym is not a place to be sexy. The gym is a place that makes me more sexy when I go other places. :strong

Have as much of the brandy as you want. I hate that stuff

:wine <- Glenlivet

 

I'm a bit more alive now that I have had a good nights sleep.

Now I have no intentions of trying to be diplomatic or nice; Iwould rather say as I think.

I. Read your first post in the thread and am thinking "hey! surely you must have been there before? and surely it passed in time? because if not you would have been "put away"

By the tone of your last few posts to me it allready is starting to lift; is it?

At the risk of saying the wrong thing I reckon that most of this thread seems to concentrate on why? or "when I was there it was because of this or that" - yet all are different. Come on let's get realistic and accept the fact that there are some things in life too deep for us to understand. As an outsider it seems that Americans seem to have a need to get to the bottom or analyse everything, whereas I believe that sometimes blind acceptance is more productive. What is important is to realise that we may be in a momentary "down" and what is important is to get us back on track.

I could continue raving for ever but no. I can't do any more and I don't think any one else can either - You have to do it yourself. You are obviously an intelligent person so come on get yourself going. Maybe a break from that keyboard, a walk in the fresh air - you know what does you good.

Regards from west Oz

Denn

 

Yes, but I always knew why, silly. Now I have no idea what caused it, and that makes a difference. And don't jump to conclusions from the tones of posts on an online forum...

 

Our situations are different, but I have these feelings as well. I felt I had to speak up to let you know that you're not alone, k?
Sending hugs to you.

 

Don't worry about what caused it!

Not too sure wether I was guilty of jumping to a conclusion or that I hold some sort of conceptual image of you guys; either way I hope it didn't upset anyone.

Stay on that upward trend

Denn

 

Thanks Oooops.

Denn: I can't speak for anyone else, but if you'd upset me, I'd have told you.

 

Good

 

I think the most important step is the one you have just taken , the acknowledgment that there is a problem. Most people just hold on to it and let it fester until it reaches a breaking point. Some don't like to talk to professionals but you have to talk to someone. Family is ok, friends are a little better but sometimes a perfect stranger who doesn't know the background can provide in site that you never thought of before. Some of us who've gone through this needed an outlet, as said before do something new not familiar to you, it will take your mind off of it for a little while. Then once you have a clear head seek the advice of a professional, sit down with them and tell them how you felt during that time and see what suggestions they have for combating it when or if it starts to return.
Most of us only see a Dr. when there is something obviously wrong. Jump ahead of the game, if changing your routine makes you feel better and you stop feeling down. Keep the appointment and go see them anyway.

 

So far I have talked to my husband, and to a friend I hadn't seen in six months. If it keeps getting worse I will make an effort to get in touch with my family back in Sweden, but I'm hoping it won't come to that. The way I see it, I'm very lucky to be married. I can't imagine going through this on my own.

 

Hope you figure it out!

I've been in my own little funk for a while (Insert big boring story here) but I know the cause and a change of attitude towards the situation helped alot.

 

See if there is anything helpful in the list here

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/SEARCH/Search



PS
#3 even has an evaluation test

 

Reminds me of a episode of Northern Exposure I used to love that show,Dr Flashman diagnosed an old guy with something similar and he gave him a set of glasses with two little flashlights on either side that shined directly into his eyes,he was supposed to wear then for two hours a day but he left them on all the time and became really happy,high as a kite and eventually OD'd:-D

I can't offer any advice at all Mimsy,hope things pick up

 

I loved that show too Rikky, can't even find reruns for it any more.

Everyone gets the blues, the blahs, I think the difference between a medical condition is that it doesn't pass. Plus people who have thoughts of suicide.
I guess any condition that goes on and on will cause thoughts of suicide. I was ready to check out with my emphysima, no life, in the hosp all the time.
Then one of my daughters cried on the phone over nothing significant and snapped me out of it. Good thing because then I came across the surgery.

 

I don't know how deep your feelings are, but this is a writing that I've come across and wanted to share with you, with any one, who may be going through difficult times...


"It Happened To Me
When You Feel You Can't Go On"

I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are. I understand how very hard hanging on is, and how much courage it takes.

I ask though that you hold onto one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass. The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.

Just let one tiny cell in your body continue to believe in the promise of healing. Just one. You can surrender every other cell to your despair. Just that one little cell of faith that you can heal and be whole again is enough to keep you going, is enough to lead you through the darkness. Although it can't banish your suffering, it can sustain you until the time comes for you to let your pain go. And the letting go can only occur in it's own time, as much as we would like to push the pain away forever.

Hold on. Hold on to appreciate the beauty of the earth, to feel the songs of the birds in your heart, to learn and to teach, to laugh a genuine laugh, to dance on the beach, to rest peacefully, to experience contentment, to want to be no other place but in the here and now, to trust in yourself, and to trust your life.

Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting. Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses. Hold on because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your journey - a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though. Please hold on.

So much in life can be difficult, even impossible to understand. I know, I know... So many of us have cried in despair, why? why? why? and still the answers and the comfort failed to show. Survival can be a long and lonely road, in spite of all those who've stumbled down the path before you. And it can be a treacherous, torturous journey - so easy to get lost, and yet impossible to avoid even one painful step.

And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its' warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief. Keep looking forward please. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guide ropes, although when you close your fingers around them, your hands feel empty, they are there. Please trust me, they are there.

When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith, hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on.

Tammie Byram Fowles, LISW, Ph.D
http://survive.org.uk/stories3.html
:grouphug

 

I know exactly why I am miserable, and yet totally lack the ability to correct the problem at this time.

I hope you start to feel/are feeling better Mimsy.

 

I think I know what made me unhappy. It's definitely a start.

 

That's good, Mims. Hope you can conquer your blues. That goes for everyone who is is feeling down at present.

@Fred. Where you at?

 

I am around Joey.

 

IMHO,I think everyone is a little down right now with the winter blues,changing to daylight savings time and the doom and gloom you read in the news. :cry I think all of us look to spring as a new begining every year.:-D

 

Glad to hear it.

Another I ain't seen for a while is G C Wesq. Hope G C is OK. They coming into they're autumn blues.

 

So as it turns out, I was lonely.

I left Sweden to move to the US in 2004, and left everyone I knew behind. I do not make friends easily, it takes me time to let people close, so it took a couple of years to find new ones. Then college ended and they all moved to other cities. My closest friend was still in town, but about a year ago she too moved (her husband got the sort of job offer you normally only dream of, in another state), and I haven't made any new friends since. Apparently one year without any friends at all is my pain threshold. This is good to know.

Reconnecting with one of my old friends made everything click... my marriage is great, but I need friends too. I am now working on finding more than one, and since The Guy says he thinks I need to get out of the house more, I went out for drinks with some co-workers after closing today. Tons of fun, and we are absolutely doing it again next pay day. :wine <--- Stoli Martini

That said, if the depression-like feelings come back though, my next phone call is definitely to my doctor. If nothing else, The Guy will make the call for me. Silly men and their hero tendencies... rolleyes

Everyone else who posted and who are feeling the way I still do (these things do NOT change over-night), I really hope you make it through it. If there is anything at all I can do to help you I will, because you tried to help me. Just let me know what you need. None of us is an island, after all.

 

Glad you are feeling better Mimsy! :dancer I have a few issues I have been dealing with, and that has been bringing me down. Got started taking care of some overdue things today, and it does not look as bad as I thought it would be. Looks like I will be spending a lot of time and $ at my new dentist, but hell, he gives out Hydrocodone scripts! :cool

Life goes on! Now I need to find out if my bank makes $2-$3K loans!


LOL, my freaking UPS battery just died.... Oh well. Fooking high tech stuff!

 

A hydrocodone prescription is pretty much the only thing that makes major dental work bearable. :eek

For the record, high tech stuff is teh suxx0rs, and banks are evil, and nothing that you are able to face head on is ever even half as bad as expected. And at least a battery should be reasonably easy to replace.

In seriousness, I hope that whatever it is you are dealing with gets sorted out soon. For what it's worth, I have found in the past that when I need short-term loans, dealing with my bank was a lot easier than dealing with anyone else. The bank already knew me, and they were very accommodating as long as I made clear that I had no intention of taking my business elsewhere, I just wanted them to help me to stay afloat.

Good luck! We all know you're not the type to get knocked down easily. I know it's hard to remember sometimes, but then that is what friends are for: To take a hit for you when you can't take it anymore.