You Might Be A Redneck --(for those who never heard these)

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

If you walk your third grader to school because your in the same class

If you mow you lawn and find major appliances.

If you keep track of your relatives from a police scanner.




OK, someone else's turn, there's a million of em

 

Your house still has WIDE LOAD on it.

You have been married 3 times and still got same in laws.

You have never thrown away a 5 gallon bucket

You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.

You think a Volvo is part of a womans anatomy.

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.

 

you and your two year old have the same amount of teeth

 

Is this racism? rolleyes

 

kinda, refers to hillbillys, mountian people, white trash


aw now I'm ashamed

 

Guess if Jeff Dunham can do, so can we. It's all just a joke.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iMd8Pm-2EE&feature=related

 

Think this is from the 80's, this guy got me through rush hour traffic, sitting at a stand still lmao, people in the other cars probably thought I was having a breakdown

Jeff Foxworthy - Redneck Comedy Roundup

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCIYHVWt_DA

 

this is sooo funny, explains some
The Late Late Show - "Jeff Foxworthy", 6.05 (2008)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRlZvylt2wM

 

ok on a more serious note (yeah moose and squirrel)

The Scotch Irish came over 17?? didn't fit in so went inland to the Appalachian mountains and were totally self sufficient. Until the railroad came through, they worked laying rail and distinguishing themselves the wore red bandannas around their neck.

Still today they are solely reliable on themselves, probably why their teeth are bad, no modern dentistry or medicine. Think they were the first moonshiners too.

 

What in the world is Scotch Irish? It's SCOTTISH, scotch is a drink. ( My dad was from Glasgow and that's what he said if he caught anyone saying Scotch.)
But he swore a lot when he said it, as is the wont of the SCOTTISH.

 

OK, I admit I live in West Virginia. Once I cut my back yard and found a small block chevy...

 

Oh, dear. Just went back to look at the three reels by Oma And Darlene.
Must admit I wasn't expecting much, never been a huge fan of American or Canadian humour. Apart from Bill Hicks and Dennis Leary, I didn't get it.
I knew of Craig Ferguson from his earlier stuff over here. He is an outstanding stand-up comedian.
Just as good as a chat show host by the looks of it.
I digress. Jeff Dunham was pretty good, but this gadge Foxworthy had me coughing with laughing so much. I enjoy obsevational comedy much more than quick fire gags.
Must google more. Oh, and Bobcat Goldthwaite.

 

Hmm, I live in the south, in a trailer, on a hill, with trees all around. I have a dog, love guns, used to hunt, and drive a beat up old pick up truck. I reckon I might be offended, if'n I knowed what 'offended' meant! :-D

Foxworthy, not funny.

 

No worries, I'm a Redneck and proud of it. Besides, we're wise enough to laugh at ourselves.

If you think Jeff is funny, look up Bill Engvall. Ron White is a take or leave but is NSFW. He's barely SFH. Let's not even go near Larry the Cable Guy. He's definitely NSFW as well, and... crude. Very much so. But funny if you can get over that.

 

Nope. We sent her off to Texas.

 

roflmaoroflmao