Technical Night Before Christmas

Technical Night Before Christmas

'Twas the Night Before Christmas' as written by a technical
writer for a firm that does Gov't contracting...

'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding
the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of
residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of this potential, including that species of
domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was
meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood
burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the
honorific title of St. Nicholas.

The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing
subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit
confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the
hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion
of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place
of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.

Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a
recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival
that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my
incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature
airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive
specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became
instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated
caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what
may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than
patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled
breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed
each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the
uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which
structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of
each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.

As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and
was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished
visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward
leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad
entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on
the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I
attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings
which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.

His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while
his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of
engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions
and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which
suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating
the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of
the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop
knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared
like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.

Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece
whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his
occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of
holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he
waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor
less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical
perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite
every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering
and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly
to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was
groundless.

Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling
the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth
receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an
abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral
juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected
his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his
conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of
burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto
observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a
common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation,
audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the
limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary
constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest
wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly
pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."

 

:-D:-D:-D

Surprisingly funny... At least I understand it

 

Pretty cute, my kids used to bring home things like that from their English classes

 

Hey BOOM to sit and write all of that you must be Bored out of your mind LOL !

 

GCFL.net joke of the day in my inbox.... I have started using BoredOOMM as it is shorter to type....

 

BoredOOMM LOLLOLLOL !