Top 10 Ways to Get Fired

bigbazza · May 27, 2011

Top 10 Ways to Get Fired
By Beverly West, Monster Contributing Writer
http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/10-ways-to-get-fired/article.aspx

Most people start their jobs with the best of intentions, never thinking they could be fired. After all, that's a fate reserved primarily for incompetents and workers caught with their hand in the company till, right? Wrong. You might not realize just how slippery the slope out the door can be.

To guard your job security, be sure to avoid the 10 common pitfalls on this checklist from Jennifer Star, a New York City-based corporate recruiter and trainer:

1. Lying on Your Job Application or Resume

Tell the truth from the start, because you will be held responsible for the information you provide -- and your employer will check it. Generally, educational background checks can take up to a month after hire. "I recently had a candidate fired from a large financial company after being there for a month, because she lied about her educational background," Star says. "This woman did not need a degree for her editorial assistant position but said that she has one anyway -- and one month later when the cat was out of the bag, she was immediately let go."

2. Being Indiscreet About Your Job Hunt

If you are in the market for a new job, don't send your resume from your office computer, which most likely is monitored by IT. Assume your instant messages (IMs) and emails are fair game as well.

3. Gossiping

You never know who is listening, and in cubeland, walls really do have ears. The safest bet? Keep gossip to yourself, and never repeat anything you hear. Winding up on the wrong side of the rumor mill can cost you more than somebody's trust; it can mean your job.

4. Taking Too Many Personal Calls

Spending much of your work time orchestrating your own personal business usually results in being given an opportunity to spend all of your time on the phone on personal business -- looking for a new job, Star warns.

5. Drinking at Work

One of the quickest ways to be shown the door is drinking too much at lunch and walking into a wall. Maintaining your own clarity is extremely important. Staying on top of the mountain of details that go into making a business run smoothly requires focus -- and sobriety.

6. Surfing the Web Excessively

Spending much of your workday cruising around cyberspace puts you just a point-and-click away from unemployment. And checking adult-oriented Web sites on the job is a definite no-no.

7. Becoming Romantically Involved with the Boss

While it may make for great water-cooler discussion, a boss/direct-report romance can easily end with someone out of a job. (Hint: It's usually not the boss.)

8. Forgetting to Double-Check Your Figures

When working with numbers, scrutinize your work carefully. One stray zero could make the difference between being employed and unemployed, advises Star.

9. Alienating Your Coworkers

To do your job effectively, you'll need the cooperation, support and good will of those around you. Becoming detached from those you work with could get you replaced with someone who can work well with others.

10. Pointing the Finger at Everyone but Yourself

Take ownership of your job. If you make a mistake, own up to it. Don't try to sweep your mistakes under the carpet -- or worse yet, blame somebody else -- because the truth will usually come back to bite you on the bottom line. And nobody wants to trust or employ a liar, says Star.
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FYI :-D

Bazza

DavidGP · May 27, 2011

Damn it I do all of them, BUT they love me in work anyways

Dunno but I have to say in seriousness and having been an interviewer, some of those points should have been picked up before interview selection so more fool the company for not checking and a lot of companies these days will (and the UK Gov is one) will try and help the employee first in all of those scenarios, maybe drinking at work may gain a final warning and searching for porn of the Gov network is a NO NO so near instant dismissal.

Maybe there is a top ten for getting banned from a forum?

Wenchie · May 27, 2011

Ask and ye shall receive.

Top 10 ways to get banned from a forum or other online community
So, you want to get banned and don't know where to start. You've come to the right place! I'm going to lay out my top secret never before seen top 10 ways to get banned from a forum or other online community.

#10 - Repeat Repeat Every Every Post Post

This is an easy but tried and true method to get kicked out of an online community. Surely when growing up you've played the game where you simple repeat everything a person says, right? Well, use it online to great effect!

#9 - Don't listen

Rules are for pansies! Why should you listen to some other person's idea of how to behave in a virtual public place.

#8 - Be Stubborn

If the website administrator or a moderator tell you to cool it off, stand your ground and continue the argument. Let's face it. You're always right, so why should you have to bend your will to someone else's point of view?

#7 - Use Profanity

Original Poster: Did anyone watch [television show] last night?
Your Post: You $#%$ing $#%# @#$@#@%@ $@%$@!

When they ask you to stop, tell them to $%#@ off.

#6 - Become a Troll

Most people hate forum trolls, but you're not most people. Becoming a troll online and causing mischief just to cause mischief is a great, fun way to get banned from a forum.

#5 - TYPE IN ALL CAPS!!

AND WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU TO STOP AND THAT IT'S RUDE, IGNORE THEM AND CONTINUE WRITING IN CAPS. IT WILL BE LIKE YOU SHOW UP AT A BOOK CLUB AT THE COFFEE SHOP AND STARTED YELLING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! GREAT STUFF! (As an added bonus, try to randomly use one or two lower case letters at the beginning of your sentences.)

#4 - Throw the First Punch

Forum Francine might possibly someday be rude to you on the website. Why wait for that to happen?! Yes, the preemptive forum pounding is a sure fire way to get banned from a website. Go out in a blaze of glory.

#3 - Fun With Links

An old standby for getting kicked off forums is to label a link one thing and link to something else entirely different. When people complain, simply use one of the ideas above for a combo one-two punch. You'll show that forum who's boss!

#2 - No One Expects the Spanish Inguisition

Whenever you possibly can, start to question people. While you can begin with simple questions about their day, their work life, etc., you'll quickly want to get into more serious and personal questions. When they refuse to answer, ask why they're so afraid of the truth!

#1 - The Real World

When all of the above methods fail, there's only one thing left to do - take the fight to the real world. Do a little digging online and try to come up with information to harass people in the real world - aka not online. If none of your other methods have worked, this is sure to get you booted from any website you want.

Note: This is satire! An attempt to tell you behavior to stay away from to stop from getting banned. Being banned from a forum or online community is not a good thing. In all seriousness, the biggest thing to remember about not getting banned from a website is to treat other members of the community like you want to be treated.
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DavidGP · May 27, 2011

Well I have to say Renate, you never disappoint and a forum mark of A++ (a better credit rating than Portugal) to you for that list, and all true and #10, 8 and 6 are spot on.

Burning_Monkey · May 27, 2011

What is funny is this is also a list of behaviors that will get you promoted too.

DavidGP · May 27, 2011

Burning_Monkey said: ↑

What is funny is this is also a list of behaviors that will get you promoted too.
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I see #7 ticking that box BM

Burning_Monkey · May 27, 2011

DavidGP said: ↑

I see #7 ticking that box BM
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Amongst others in all seriousness.

I think the only one there that I haven't seen done by high level people just before promotion is the browsing for porn.

They do that after the promotion.

Wenchie · May 27, 2011

That's what the internet is for...

[youtube]cNARJPNz2CA[/youtube]

DavidGP · May 27, 2011

yay cookieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee monster, my best hero on TV!

Nedlamar · May 27, 2011

10. Pointing the Finger at Everyone but Yourself

Take ownership of your job. If you make a mistake, own up to it. Don't try to sweep your mistakes under the carpet -- or worse yet, blame somebody else -- because the truth will usually come back to bite you on the bottom line. And nobody wants to trust or employ a liar, says Star.
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OMG I have a co-worker who does this, it's so annoying. Not just because it's crap to stand there and say "He didn't tell me it needed doing" or "I didn't even know" or "I never get any help and everyone else gets this and that etc" that stuff is annoying but I make fun of it, but what is really getting me is the confusion and extra work involved when someone KNOWS the answer but doesn't say anything because they might get in trouble, mean while someone else has to try and figure it out, which has a knock on effect because that person has to be covered, staff spread thinner etc and on a busy day that can lead to chaos.

It's funny this should be posted today since the above mentioned situation reachined boiling point today and we may well be 1 more down.... sad things is... the wrong one.

Gregoryno6 · May 28, 2011

#1 - Lying on your resume - should be an automatic disqualifier. IF the prospective hirer checks.
IF. Before they make the offer and not six months later when the new employee has proven him/herself a total cretin.
Also requires referees to be honest if they are contacted. Many employers will say only that X worked here for this many years. Especially in the case of someone they were happy to lose!

BILLMCC66 · May 28, 2011

Punching the boss in the nose usually works.

http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/12/en2005050160336980.jpg

hrlow2 · May 28, 2011

Then pounded.

Spad · Jun 1, 2011

Well, first - there's porn on the internet?! Why wasn't I informed? All the wasted years . . . :cry

Seriously, I'm surprised that drinking on the job actually has to be listed. Really? Even for high-power white collar jobs, I would think that drinking at all would be frowned upon except on special occasions (high profile business lunches, etc.).

Maybe just me, but I found that odd . . . and I'm a man that likes his adult beverages.

tracyw · Jun 6, 2011

DavidGP said: ↑

Damn it I do all of them, BUT they love me in work anyways

Dunno but I have to say in seriousness and having been an interviewer, some of those points should have been picked up before interview selection so more fool the company for not checking and a lot of companies these days will (and the UK Gov is one) will try and help the employee first in all of those scenarios, maybe drinking at work may gain a final warning and searching for porn of the Gov network is a NO NO so near instant dismissal.

Maybe there is a top ten for getting banned from a forum?
Click to expand...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTLwiccIOxI

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Top 10 Ways to Get Fired

bigbazza R.I.P. 14/12/2011 - Good Onya Geek

DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

Wenchie I R teh brat

DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

Burning_Monkey MajorGeek

DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

Burning_Monkey MajorGeek

Wenchie I R teh brat

DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

Nedlamar MajorGeek

Gregoryno6 Specialist

BILLMCC66 Bionic Belgian

hrlow2 MajorGeek

Spad MajorGeek

tracyw Private E-2