Looking for Opinions

I'll try to give you as much information as you need in order to answer this to the best of your abilities. I need opinions from both sides on this.

Side 1: You begin having symptoms such as tired all the time, unexplained pains, discomfort and puffiness. You suspect that maybe you might have a serious situation on your hands. You don't want to worry the person you care about whom lives several hours via air plane flight away, so you really don't come out with your concerns. A month or so later you discover you have a lump. Do you tell the person you are involved with and if so how much detail do you give them? After you have a medical doctor check it out and you discover that it is very serious should you tell or spare the other person all the worry and concern that comes with knowing? Would it be a bad thing to kind of force a break up till all medical things have been dealt with so that the other person didn't have to suffer along side of you during the whole situation and if you didn't pull through, then he or she would never have to know and feel the loss?

Side 2: You are the person that has strong feelings for someone you find out is ill. Should you be upset that he or she tried to protect you from knowing what was going on? Should you consider it to be deception?


Last question: If a person tries to hide it as an act of love, is it really so wrong?

Kay peeps, please give me some opinions.

 

Not being told hurts,one that the person had to go through it alone and two they didn't think you cared enough to want to know,by hurt I don't mean angry like you'll fall out with them, emotonally hurt.

Friends and family members should all know IMO.

http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/styles/thumbnail/hash/bc/78/dr-phil_9.jpg

 

Side 1: I would find out for sure exactly what is wrong and how to fix it before telling the one I care about. I would tell them because, if they truly love/care for me, I would want/need their support and they would want to be there to support me. I wouldn't force a break up because it will hurt the person unnecessarily. Instead of spending time supporting you, they will be focused on what happened and why the break-up. Especially if its completely from no where.

Side 2: I would be upset. I would feel as though they don't need me. That's the beauty of relationships, you share your ups, your downs, your happiness, & your sadness. Our loved ones are always the ones to help us through a rough time, a sad time, and to help us celebrate joyful times. To try to take it all on your own (while how noble it is to try and protect someone from getting hurt, it never really works) it will be viewed as somewhat selfish because more than likely, they will find out and will be hurt and will feel it's because you didn't need or trust them enough of comfort to you (despite your true intentions).

Last question: is it really so wrong? well, I guess that depends on who's perspective you're looking though. On the sick person's side, they see themselves as trying to be helpful and considerate and on the loved person's side, they see themselves as being unneeded and pushed away. There have been times when I've said or done something to someone, thinking I was being considerate of the other person and they viewed it as a rejection.

If I personally where in this situation, I would want to know. I mean how lonely would life be if we had to face our bad times (and good times) alone?

 

[+1 Dy!].....
Sorry that you are still having medical issues. (Ya, I still have mine). I sincerely hope that it can be successfully resolved.
I basically agree 100% with Dy and the others above.

1) Yep, find out for sure what your medical status is, then inform your significant other. He will want to be there for you, (albeit emotionally, or whatever), just as you would want to be there for him if the situation were reversed.
2) I would be upset if someone cared, but not enough to fully share their own life with, too. (I have had a few people get mad at me because I've ended up in and out of hospital without telling them). Sometimes it wasn't in my control anyway, (sudden and unexpected), other times, I shouldn't have underestimated how much others care.

3) True love, (okay, this is just i.m.h.o.) is sharing everything, the good, bad and sometimes ugly. (Friends that are just "fair weather friends - and there are many), aren't true friends at all, i.m.o.

I rally hope that things start looking up for ya real soon. You deserve it.

 

I really appreciate all these opinions. I use to have a dearest friend that was like a sister to me. She never told me she was dying and I know it was just that she wanted to protect me. When she died I was angry at her. After I discovered I had a medical issue, I kind of lost my anger at her and understood why she did it. Mag00 has always been supportive and caring. I truly did want to spare him much like my friend tried to spare me. We are many miles apart and I didn't want him to feel helpless or sad.

 

I personally think there are too many variables to the questions.
You have to take into account how serious the relationship is and how long it has been active.
Also what is the person whi is or isn't finding out like? if they are a worrier and have issues with this kind of thing then telling them could exacerbate the situation turning the one who is ill into the one who has to comfort the other, which can be a good thing as it could take his/her mind off it, by the same token it could also put more pressure on making it harder to fight said illness.

IMO, it breaks down like this, if the 2 people love and care about each other then all problems and issues should be shared.

But.... as has been said, find out for sure what it is before scaring people unnecessarily.

Whatever the outcome, I wish both the best of luck

 

My wife says that i am cold because i do not share my pain with her.
When i am having a bad day i try to hide the fact from her because i don't see a reason for her to feel bad as well.
If there was a life threatening situation i would hope she would tell me and i her but until you are in that place your never sure how you would react.

 

Oh my! I can understand your concern. In my opinion I think that a partner should be informed in the event that a serious illness develops. When you both know about an illness you can support each other as the issue is treated.
I know exactly how you feel. My Mother is gravely ill with cancer and has less than six months to live. I am happy that I know about her illness as it allows us to have time to bond and to come to terms with mortality.
Best wishes to you!

 

Mag00 and I have been exploring our relationship for approximately five to six years. We try to get together at least once a year. He lives in the Southern States and I in Ontario Canada. Our long term goal was to settle in together and finish out our lives as life long partners. I have two children, one which is seriously ill which causes us to delay our plans for moving in together. I know he cares about me very much as I do him. I also know what it is like to see someone you love suffer and feel helpless (my son) while watching. Should the results come back as cancer, I just didn't want to put someone I care so much about through it all. I was suppose to join Mag00 in May for a few weeks however things have changed due to this medical problem. I feel so bad that he spent a lot of money on the tickets which adds disappointment to the whole emotional ordeal. I know he was just as excited about my visit as I was.

 

I would rather be hurt with the truth than comforted with a lie.

 

weve dealt with serious to top serious problems. some dont tell us and we find out after they have past. id for telling truth.

 

Update: Took a lot of time to get my results but it was fairly good news. I don't have cancer, they are benign.

Mag00 was wonderful. Very caring and understanding. Will be heading his way in next few weeks. I think after I get there, we'll have to set aside some time to celebrate.

 

Hi, Shiver Me Timbers! I went through the whole story. You are very strong and I admire you for that. I am glad that you have good news. You definitely have to celebrate.

 

Thank you for your kind reply. Seen a surgeon on friday and he feels that the lumps have decreased in size, yippee. Now I am packing to spend twenty days with BF. Again thank you.

 

Congrats on a great update.
Hope it continues in your favor.

 

Yeah, as ya know, I'm another survivor of the big-C club. Good news on the positive med results, Glo. Enjoy your holidays with McG.

 

Thanks everyone. I am so looking forward to this upcoming trip. Been under so much stress lately and this time away would be a much needed break.

 

Personally, if there is genuine caring on both sides, then I would see it as important that such knowledge is shared. I see dual benefits in doing this:

1. The person who is ill has a support person that one knows genuinely cares about them enough to want to be there.
   
   
2. Being on the positive receiving end of some one who cares I see as aiding towards any possible speedy recovery of an illness.
   
   
3. In turn, the support person providing that level of care and love (which could also be done from a distance), would be crucial during such times. They can also be given the opportunity towards contributing whichever way possible towards recovery - making it a win/win situation for support/ill person.
   
   
4. I think it best if the support person be active towards positive ends rather than left in the dark and possibly shocked at a later stage - particulary if given a negative outcome of the illness.

Again on a personal basis, I would be angered if such knowledge was hidden from me.


Bottom line...such thoughts and decision of whether or not to share ultimately lie with the person who is ill...because they would know the strength of the person they care about; and know first hand how that person would react and whether the person they care about has the capabilities to manage the possible change(s) brought about by an illness.

That's my two cents worth!

Best to you for everything going smoothly and positively on all fronts.

Cheers

LS

 

In the end the love you give is equal to the love you take.