How To Say It...

This may very well be so off topic, but i'm holding on to the benefit that this is online and you can't see me - i can't see you. so here goes...

my girlfriend may be cheating on me and just using me to buy her stuff, that's what my mom said. i personally think she is wrong but i do spend a lot on her with her bags and those jimmy shoes. for me, if she's happy, i'm happy and i really am. i don't know. my mom has always had my best interests and she would never ruin a good relationship for me. how can i really know? how do i get to the bottom of this?

 

Place a keylogger on her smart device (phone, tablet etc) which will tell you all.... remotely.

It may cost you $$$, but can you put a price on love?
And it beats being caught checking her phone out on premises!

https://ikeymonitor.com/features

 

Im guessing you wont accept my dinner invite then plodr?

Good advice there though!

 

I like plodr's advice. Other than the fact that your girlfriend likes expensive things do you have any other evidence that she's cheating on you? Best of luck in sorting this out.

 

Remember...

A Mom may not always be right. But she's never wrong...

 

My opinion is if there is lack of trust in any relationship that relationship is in trouble.
I agree with the advice given to limit your buying of things and see if it changes the relationship. If it does then you will have your answer.

 

I'm going to be very blunt and brutal:

Personally, my thoughts, based on what you've said, it appears she is probably a shallow, selfish, money grabbing user, fulfilling her own needs and regards herself as a special prize. Make her happy and she is yours. I doubt it's about her being unfaithful - why risk losing a good thing?

How would you score yourself here:

1. Are you both in a committed relationship - i.e. you are recognised as her boyfriend? Yes / No

2. Or are you really just acquaintances? (in which case you have no "claim" on her) Yes / No

If you really have a committed relationship - both recognising you are boyfriend/girlfriend, then:

3. Does she surprise you with gifts at any time? Even on occasion for no reason? Yes / No

4. Is she happy just to be with you and seeks your company - without expecting any gifts? Yes / No
5. Does she make you feel special only if/when you give her gifts? Yes / No

6. Is she only around you if she knows she is going to be given a gift? Yes / No

If your responses show your relationship as being one sided, that is, all about making her happy, then it's a WIN/WIN - she gets what she wants and you get her.

In my view, if that's the case, I reckon you deserve better. Much better. Someone who is there just for you, not what they can benefit from you.

But then, it's your life, your choice. Good Luck.

Cheers

LS

 

those without answers i believe are a NO for me
thank you for this

 

ok, i think i'll try this one. thanks a lot.

 

i hope im not too shallow for asking

 

Not at all.
If you don't ask, you'll never know.

 

There you go...and that's a guy's input for you.

You sound like a very caring, generous, gentle soul. Don't let your life and your time be sucked out of you by anyone unworthy.

You've also had the girls' views, mine purposely blunt and brutal because I know those who care for you wouldn't want to say anything that may hurt you while you are feeling vulnerable. Take care and all the best.

Cheers

LS

 

And she stayed... Didn't go to restaurants, hanged out at my place/her place. Didn't buy her anything. She was hinting this new origami wallets from vuitton and I said that they're nice. that's it. i took control.

 

i feel stupid

 

No you're not stupid. And at least now you know if something happens, say your bankcard gets cracked and the machine won't take it, or you left your wallet at the office and can't get to it till Monday morning... it's not going to be the end of the world.
I always said a true friend is a friend who doesn't care if I have a dollar or not.

 

Bravo! Don't fold. This is still short term, so it is early days with you "testing the waters". You need to continue in this manner because the relationship should be based on her loving you, not loving what she can get out of you. If she is really desperate for an origami wallet from Vuitton let her pay for one with her own money! (Have you priced them? Very expensive.)

Don't. All the above Posts urge you to take care and not allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It takes strength to do what you did...so Bravo! Keep it up.

Cheers

LS

 

I have been taken advantage of in the past.

But trust is trust.

This can be my advice as well.

If at first site the trust is gone.Don't go back to the self righteous,Money grubbing twats.Some people keep getting scammed and it's there fault for taking a fool.Don't be one of them Fool's.

It's all about trust.Not spending money on the one person you love and than the other bounces out a year later.

All ways think be for you buy some thing.

Think to your self.

every time

Do i really need this item?? Most likely not

Do i want??

Most people chose over want instead of need's.

Do i want this item or need this item.

It's all about how to choose in life.

Would i rather keep my house and car or end up in a ally some where.

Just need to think a little about this type of stuff.

 

FYI most young kids these days just spend spend and spend with out thinking.

And most of them will not be able to retire when they are flat broke.

 

1. I am slightly weirded out by the ads about "how to tell if your partner is cheating" ads displaying at the bottom of my screen.

2. @ownthree, have you considered talking to your girlfriend about this? It is great that you took control and change your behavior towards her, that is very difficult to do. But at some point, if you two never talk to each other about what worries you, you're not going to have a chance. I don't know how old you are and where you want this relationship to go (though I feel safe in assuming you haven't been together 15+ years), but if you want to have a realistic change with this girl, talking honestly and respectfully with each other is critical.

Seriously, give it a chance.

 

On this pc I have ghostery and adblock plus in ie and ublock orgin in opera and I get none of those ads. On my company setup IPhone I get the whole long list @ the bottom of the page!

 

When I remember, I turn off my ad blocker on MGs. There's revenue in those things.

 

Yeah, they get my revenue input from the iPhone usage. And I really have to watch that account as its monitored for 2 gig use each month. Mg and news and tech manuals about uses it up. So at least Mg gets the most from one of my devices.

 

I know, I tried the Asian Singles site but my Russian wife says its a no no!

 

We're still together!

 

Would you believe that she showed me an article about couples therapy retreats and wanted to try it out? I'm seriously considering this though.

 

Im just so happy.

 

I don't know how long you've been into this relationship. Personally, I've always viewed the first 6 months as "The Honeymoon Period" - kinda getting to know each other and everything is beautiful. Time is always a decider as one moves forward in a relationship and really starts to see their partner for whatever they really are and what they are ready to accept in a partner.

Couples Therapy certainly would be an eye opener and an interesting discovery experience with your relationship.

Cheers

LS

 

Yeh I agree with legal......not sure if anyone can help you to build a long and lasting relationship as a third party if the both of you aren't already committed to making it happen. If you are, it should be something you both can sort out within yourselves after the honeymoon period has elapsed.
How much do they want for joining?

I wish you both the best, but sometimes rehab can be an expensive failure!
Ask Charlie Sheen

Best of luck!

 

Some say it's not about the money but.. it's always about the money. What does your gut tell you. If you don't know a key logger will answer that question fairly quickly and regardless of the outcome be aware invading her privacy will undeniably kill the relationship regardless. I was married my gut said she was cheating key logger confirmed and two weeks later I moved into another place.

 

I agree with tim Putting a ket logger or spy stuff on another persons phone is betrayal.People need to stop thinking this way.

It's hard to learn how to think in different ways some times.Like for instants is it you are is it them that caused the betrayal.