Jokes

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.

You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake."

Passenger: "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And, he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his damn widow."

 

Close your credit card account before you die!!!!

*A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card,
And added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance had been $0.00, now was somewhere around $60.00.
?
A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:
*Family Member:* "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
?
*Citibank:* "The account was never closed and
The late fees and charges still apply."
?
*Family Member:* "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
?
*Citibank:* "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
?
*Family Member:* So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
?
*Citibank:* "Either report her account to frauds division or
Report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
?
*Family Member:* "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
(I really liked this part!!!!)
?
*Citibank:* "Excuse me?"
?
*Family Member:* "Did you just get what I was telling you?
The part about her being dead?"
?
*Citibank:* "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
(Duh!)
?
*Supervisor gets on the phone:*
?
*Family Member:* "I'm calling to tell you she died in January."
?
*Citibank:* "The account was never closed
And late fees and charges still apply."
(This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
?
*Family Member:* "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
?
*Citibank:* (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"
?
*Family Member:* "No, I'm her great nephew."?
(Lawyer info given)
?
*Citibank: *"Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
?
*Family Member:* "Sure."
(Fax number is given)
?
*After they get the fax:
Citibank:* "Our system just isn't setup for death.
I don't know what more I can do to help."
?
*Family Member:* "Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her.
I don't think she will care."
?
*Citibank:* "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
?
*Family Member:* "Would you like her new billing address?"
?
*Citibank:* "That might help."
?
*Family Member:* " Odessa Memorial Cemetery ,
Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
?
*Citibank:* "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
?
*Family Member:* "What do you do with dead people on your planet?

 

! WORLD'S SHORTEST JOKE
>
> A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
>
>
> The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."

 

Close your credit card account before you die!!!!

@ musksnipe, thats to stupid not to be true. Happened to me once on an account that had been closed for months, kept accruing late fees though.
I would like to comment on your short joke but don't want to get in trouble that's a job for Mankind or TimW rolleyes

 

I'll take that bet and raise you a-

How does Bob marley like his doughnuts?

Wi jam in!

 

Short jokes? I know a bunch of them. They're a bit sick such as....

-Why little Mary can't ride a bike?

-She has no legs.

 

I fold :cool

 

OMG, that was so funny, dumbazz, think he called 911? LOL

 

I went back to the supermarket this morning to complain that the vinegar that I had just bought had got lumps in it....The manager said "Madam, those are picked onions"

 

Idle Thoughts Of A Wandering Mind

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
*****
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
*****
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
*****
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*****
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*****
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
*****
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
*****
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
*****
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
******
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone
*****
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
*****
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
*****
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
*****
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*****
How can there be self-help "groups"?
*****
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
*****
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
*****
Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

 

Yep, that was one of G.T.'s old sigs.

 

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!".

 

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

 

Aww, I was dumbstruck reading he was back in the hosp. haven't been able to respond.

 

I certainly liked them

 

LOL I'm an alpha male liberal

 

Or was it the other way round?LMAOThe one that like girls and cooking

 

the next one - not so much -:crap

 

Q: What did the blind man say when he mistakenly wondered into the fish market?
A: HELLLO LADIES!

 

Ugh!!!...uke

 

A FARMER NAMED CLYDE

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..... "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?" Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie". Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I
knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?" "Now what the hell would you say?

 

A conversation between Moses and God...

(I think you will find this story just as sweet and non-offensive as I did when I got it years ago...)

“Excuse me, Sir…”
“Is that you again, Moses?”
“I’m afraid it is, Sir.”
“What is it this time, Moses? More computer problems?”
“How did You guess?”
“I don’t have to guess, Moses. Remember??”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot…”
“Tell me what you want, Moses.”
“But You already know. Remember?”
”Moses!!”
“Sorry, Sir.”
“Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!”
“Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten things You sent me?”
“You mean the Commandments, Moses?”
“That’s it. I was wondering whether they were important.”
“What do you mean ‘were important’, Moses? Of course they are important, otherwise I wouldn’t have sent them to you.”
“Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course You would see right through that.”
“What do you mean you lost them? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t save them, Moses?”
“No, Sir, I forgot.”
“Well, My Son always saves, Moses.”
“Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them, though.”
“And did you hear from any of them?”
“You already know I did. What about the one guy who said he never uses ‘shalt not’. Can he change the words a little bit?”
“Yes, Moses, as long as he doesn’t change the meaning.”
“And what about the guy who thought Your stance was a little bit harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions, or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?”
“Moses, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”
“I think that means ‘no’. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?”
“I think that is spamming, Moses.”
“Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don’t even eat that stuff and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.”
“And what did he say?”
“You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don’t think he might have sent me one of those plagues and that’s the reason I lost those things, do You?”
“They’re called viruses, Moses.”
“Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can’t we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back, taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them!”
“We’ll do it the new way, Moses.”
“I was afraid You’d say that, Sir.”
“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”
“You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out towards the computer.”
“It’s a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?”
“No. I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff that You, and I really like Your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice in the ark?”
“No, Moses.”
“One other thing. Why didn’t You name them frogs instead of mice, because You didn’t tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?”
“I didn’t name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to.”
“Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, Sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn’t it a woman who named one of the computers ‘Apple?’”
“Say goodnight, Moses.”
“Wait a minute, Sir. I am stretching out the mouse and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back!”
“Which ones, Moses?”
“Let’s see. ‘Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image’ and ‘Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbour’s wife.’”
“Turn the computer off, Moses. I’m sending you another set of stone tablets.”
“How does ‘Same Day Air’ sound?”
“Goodnight, Moses!”

 

Re: A conversation between Moses and God...

(And here's another one to lighten your day...)

NEW SOFTWARE

Dear Tech Support,

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday Rugby 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help.

Joe

Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ I APOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc- key.

It may be necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.

Best of luck

Tech Support

 

Re: A conversation between Moses and God...

Both are good Kim . However there's already a joke thread. Here's a link. If you have more of these better post them in that thread.

 

Not really a joke, but amusing..., so posted here.


Pilots & Control Towers
**************************

Actual Exchanges Between Pilots and Control Towers

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

************************************************

Tower:"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower:"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

***********************************************

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm ....ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was ....ing bored, not ....ing stupid!"

***************************************

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:
"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

*******************************************

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."


*********************************************

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off
Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

**********************************************

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked".
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

**************************************************

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

*********************************************

Tower:"Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure.
By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower:"Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. !
Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

**********************************************

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.

The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

*********************************************

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha one-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

********************************************

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

 

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for
his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an
acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,
do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like
you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's right,"Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about
my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to
say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure
that what you are about to tell me is true?"

No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's
true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of
Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student
something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad
about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there
is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want
to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is
neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at
all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates
was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also
explains why he never found out that Plato was dating his wife.

PS

that's mean... funny, but mean

 

Yeah she was going out with all of the guys in our class...:clap

 

Sailor - Kinda sounds like Trump and O'Donnell

 

now on a darker note -

http://dangerjason.com/funny/flash/splish_splash2.swf

 

has something similar already been posted? Oh, sorry but I can't keep in mind all 70 pages . Then I guess it's alright to remove it.

 

Re: A conversation between Moses and God...

Thanks, Sailor - and apologies for posting in the wrong place! I promise I won't make that mistake again!

:cry

 

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have
About Humans

1. Blaming your farts on me...
not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking..
I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT
3. Taking me for a walk,
then not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...
Stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo
what a proud moment for the top of the
food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip",
then acting surprised when I freak out
every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9.Dog sweaters.
Hello ???,
Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted
when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth,
you're just jealous.

 

Here's my favorite joke..................GEORGE W. BUSH!

Jack

 

:clap

 

Now that is a joke that just gets dumber and dumber with time, and we poke fun at "Blonde's" :banghead

 

I would have thought that was more of a national disaster than a joke. A lot of people aint laughing. Then again, what do I know? rolleyes

 

When it's cold and/or raining, you bet

 

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

"Y'know," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. "Why, in Glasgow, there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth drink for you."

"Well," said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nothin'" said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately poured scorn on the Irishman's claims - but he swore every word was true. "Well" said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"No, not me self, personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to me sister."

 

(WHY) didn't you use your mail stripper? rolleyes

 

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.

She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.

It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.

The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"

"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.

"Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...

"Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

=
here you can use mine MK - LOL
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm

 

ooooooh, toblerone

 

Staying Subscribed to this thread is one of my better ideas

 

I was just giving you a bad time, if you remember your the one who turned me onto the stripper
ooh, that congers up some memories, :drool
anyway, was JK

 

I think it was the money you were going to give me or was it candy
Hey your stripper is different then mine, didn't I get mine from you?? confused

 

I was at the Mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an elderly man watching a teenager who was sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors, green, red, orange and blue. The old man just kept staring at him. Every time the teenager would glance to the side, he would find the old man still looking at him.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?"

The old gentleman didn't bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."

 

No I meant the gossip and fighting going on between Donald Trump and Rosie O"Donnell, in public, on national tv, should have kept it to themselves.

 

Resume .....

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually
I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT, AND FOUND THAT.............
I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

 

Very nice and interesting joke

 

Hey me too Meandog:clap :drink :celebrate