Marrying young....how young?

News story on 14 year old running away to marry a 15 year old. Legal marrying ages vary in different countries. To be married in Australia you must be at least 18 years of age.

Would you approve of your child marrying at 14 or 15 years of age?

 

Hell, legalsuit, I didn't approve of my son getting married at 20! We love his wife and they are very happy and expecting their first child soon. I just thought they both were too young at the time and not sure they were ready for the stresses such a step can bring.

I got married at 22 the first time, and I know now I didn't have any clue as to what a serious relationship involved . . . but at 14 or 15? No way in hell would I allow that to happen.

 

on the Indian continent they are betrothed as young as 6 year old any where else that would be paedophilia.

i was married at 21 i was in the military and dragged my wife and young daughter around the world not realizing how difficult it was for them (rather selfish really)

 

Really would have to depend on the kids, but I can see myself saying yes.

 

I don't think people should marry before 25... Definitely wouldn't let my son get married at that age...

 

the problem is after 21 it's difficult to stop them

 

Oh I wouldn't try to stop them after they were 18. I just don't think someone should make that kind of commitment when they haven't even lived a 1/3 of their life.

 

I'm tempted to throw a "cat amongst the pidgeons" by giving circumstances for consideration towards children getting married young but I won't.

I'm inclined to agree with Cochese's comment: "I just don't think someone should make that kind of commitment when they haven't even lived a 1/3 of their life."

Juices are really flowing at that age and it's a great growing/learning time to be stifled by such a commitment.

 

i don't know the exact rules in US or OZ but here the age of consent to sex for a girl is 12 as long as the boy is not older than 16 it's supposed to stop older men preying on young girls,the schools do give good sex education and it is a very open society but although they begin so early they tend not to marry until they have lived together for 2 or 3 years they seem to wait until 25 or so.

my daughter is 35 and still living with the same guy 12 years

 

They'll be on welfare in a week if they can figure out how to apply for it.

 

Australian laws are complex for "Age of Consent and ages vary dependent on what State in Australia (Consent=16yrs for all States except two, where age of consent is 17yrs).

The rules also change if the person moves from one State to another; and dependent on the sexes of persons.

Personally I think 16yrs is too young for "Age of Consent" (because of certain legal implications).

 

@Kodo

In Australia, 18yrs is the legal marrying age. Persons between the age of 16 years and 18 years may marry with parental or guardian consent and an order for a judge or magistrate. Any two persons under the age of 18 years may not marry each other.

Young people aged under 18 years are considered NOT to have reached the minimum age for the definition of an Australian resident for Social Security purposes.

However, Minimum age for Youth Allowance is 16 years from Social Security.
Exception:
Where the young person is above school leaving age in their State or Territory, and is considered independent, then the minimum age for Youth Allowance is 15 years.

Special rules for 15 year olds who can be considered independent if:

• they have, or have had a dependent child,
• they are married, or have been in a de facto relationship for at least 12 months

Regardless, I still think it is scary stuff for kids to marry as young as 14yrs.

 

It depends on the culture, that's obvious. Although I don't think having children in your mid to late forties or afterward is a good idea either. Do it while your young (and foolish?) and can keep up with all the demands child rearing entails.
Bug
djb

 

@ Bugballou


So you would approve your children getting married at 14yrs or 15yrs?!

 

I kinda agree with Kodo. Marrying young inevitably puts stresses on the welfare system in the long (or not so long) run. Very few couple are mature enough to marry so young, even if one of them appears to be. Heck, just look at the marriage statistics and divorce statistics of those OLD enough (in the eyes of the law) to marry to see how easy it is to get it wrong.

Marriage isn't about age, it's about everything else but. At a young age you don't have the commitment to work through the really tough times every marriage has at some point. It's much easier to walk away, especially when so many "adults" are setting that very example.

 

Totally agree with everything from your post...but try making these teenagers understand. (Presently there's a 14year old who has run away from home, living with her boyfriend's family with a desire to marryrolleyes.)

 

heck no!! i would never allow my 14 year old CHILD to marry... I mean marriage is hard work and at 14 what could she possibly know about getting married? She may be infatuated by living with her boyfriend and say that shes "married" by by the time that six months (maybe less) she will realize how tough it really it. You not only have to think about yourself but now you have to think about someone else.

As my dad used to say... when you get married its two selfish people becoming one.

 

You can only advise and with that advice encourage them to understand the consequences of their options and choices. The ultimate decision and choice is theirs. We all made mistakes, and continue to do so. The only really big mistake is the one that isn't learnt from. Life's curves is what makes us who we are today

 

If they wanted to get married at that age I think I'd feel like a faliure as a parent,I'd hope the values I'd have instilled up until that point would have stuck more and that my kids would have more sense than that,I mean just basic common sense confused

 

Thats defiantly a big aspect Rikky. my mom was only too glad to get me off her hands after living with her for a couple years, raised by grandparents. Once I was turned loose no turning back. I used to look at my girls who would have been my age when I married and cringe. As for the welfare part I did apply while my husband went to prison, stayed on a couple years. No help from family, what there was of them, not fit to raise their own kids let alone help me with mine. My mother used to tell me stay well for your children, anything happened to you and they would be orphans. I got through they are all grown productive people with their own families. I credit my grandmother for instilling goodness when i was very small, it does come back even if you loose your way for a bit. Amen

 

My arse got kicked out right when I turned 19.
Two weeks later, I had a girlfriend.
Two weeks after that, I had her move in.

We've been married since '97. We graduated in '95.

*shrug*

14, 15? No. 18+? Why not. If you arent mature enough to make your own decision by then, your parents failed. What is the alternative? Teenagers fornicating like rabbits, spreading STDs and leaving single parent children. Which happens now, but why make it worse

 

b

Well you are pretty exceptional. Your survival and your kids being productive with own families says it all.

These 14yr and 16yr kids are really testing the system. Re legal age and welfare parts, Australian laws are complex:

• Persons between the age of 16 years and 18 years may marry with parental or guardian consent and with an order from a judge or magistrate.
  
• Under 18's are considered NOT to have reached the minimum age for the definition of an Australian resident for Social Security purposes.
  
• But, minimum age for Youth Allowance is 16 ybrs from Social Security.
  
• Exception:
• Where the young person is above school leaving age in their State or Territory, and is considered independent, then the minimum age for Youth Allowance is 15 years.
  
• Special rules for 15 year olds who can be considered independent if:
  • they have, or have had a dependent child,
  • they are married, or have been in a de facto relationship for at least 12 months

 

It may be the same here now also, I was talking 1959

 

I don't know, really. Society world wide is becoming less free all the time.

Back when 40 was the average life span 14 is around 1/3 of your life. It's only with longer lifespans that this issue has been an issue. The trend is relatively new, the old way was for thousands and thousands of years, depending on how you define human, even longer. This is politically incorrect, but the best time for a female body to have a child is somewhere around 16, mental preparidness nonwithstanding.

Here's one definition of freedom, the right to make personal mistakes without having a government bureaucrat becoming involved.

I'm pretty ambivilant otherwise.

 

I know of a few young people who used to be in big trouble with crime, drug abuse, heavy involvement in nazi organisations and so on. The ones I know of ended up parents at very young ages, 14, 15, 15 and it literally saved their lives because they pulled themselves together and made something good out of their lives instead. They admit they were young, maybe even too young, but they realise it was the right thing for them.

I did not get married, but I started living with a man when I was 18 and still in school. It didn't last more than 1½ years, but I'm so happy I did this, even though my mom nearly killed me. My teenage years were not happy at home, there was a lot of bickering, resentment and bitterness in our family. Moving in with this guy gave me a home with stability and comfort, something I felt I had not had before. I finished school with near top marks and a steadier foundation and more confidence than I would have had if I not done this.

So easy to judge. He is too young, she is too young, he is 20 years older than her, that will never last, she is 20 years older than him, that is outrageous, they are from different cultures, they will never manage to overcome their differences...

What might not be right for most people may still be right for some!

 

I believe that's true and culture is changing all the time. Although LS seems to think teenagers aren't able to appreciate the seriousness of the commitment, a lot of them do. We were married at 19 and 17, had our kids by age 21 and after 38 years still going strong. It wasn,t out of the ordinary back then. Not so common now. By the way, none of us has ever been on the dole(welfare).

 

In our culture marriage should be acceptable after the 16th birthday. Most labor laws allow limited work after 14 years of age. If a child starts working full time at age 12, (not legal in our state) and assumes all of the responsibilities of an adult, as is the case in some cultures, than I would not be against the possibility of marriage at an earlier age. Jerry Lee Lewis comes to mind immediately. We have also raised the minimum drinking age nationally to 21. I couldn't tell anyone who spent their day killing enemy combatants that they couldn't have a drink when it was over, I guess that's why the crowd goes to Aruba or the Bahamas for spring break, liquor laws are different there. Everyone is different, and that should be taken into account, to set an arbitrary age limit is ludicrous. But you have to draw lines, and the rest of us have to live with it. If they are already sharing themselves intimately at an earlier age that is preferable to them trying to take responsibility for their actions and getting married? Kind of sounds like what we do to the elderly in our country, you can live in "sin" if you want, but if you get married we will cut your social security benefits.
Bug

 

In Scotland the law says you can legally get married at 16; this is why Gretna Green is so popular. In England,Wales and Northern Ireland the law is 18. The young couples under 18 would just 'pop' over the border into Scotland and become legally married.
I am all for marriage even if the young adults are 14 or 15; only if there is a baby involved.

 

You've used the term "young adults" which infers maturity.

The 14yr and 15yr that I initially referred to I personally could not class as "young adults", whereas I know of other young people of same age whom I greatly respect as young adults because of their maturity.

Interesting that you have placed a condition of "only if here is a baby involved", to young adults getting married .

 

Culture is a prime factor as many responses have indicated.

Everyone is different. Some people more mature at 14yrs, 15yrs than others. As a matter of fact, I know a very mature 6 year old who takes care of his parent. That young man is more mature in my eyes than those 14-15yr people I put up front in starting this post. My main concern is the maturity level of young people wanting to get married/live together.

As for government entitlements. That is another factor.

 

Western culture is changing all the time.

Thankfully we have progressed from child labour and developed some protection for youth through laws. Hence the age limit on consent (as in sexual consent) and marriage (per my earlier posts here). These laws are there for the protection of our youth, not to constrict them.

In contradiction to your comment, "LS seems to think teenagers aren't able to appreciate the seriousness of the commitment", I deal a lot of teenagers and hold many in high respect based on their maturity levels.

However, in the matter of these particular two youths, I know that they do not appreciate the seriousness of the commitment.

As "Dyamond said above "by the time that six months (maybe less) she will realize how tough it really is"

"Lev", "Darlene" and "Kodo" highlighted factors of "Social Security" issues and general hardship factors of starting so young.

At such a young age, there's also the lack of not having the skills/education for a position to allow them to be financially independent.

Personally I think 14-15 yrs is too young for marriage/de factor simply because I believe they should give themselves a chance to enjoy their youth, become financially independent, get an education for a fuller life. If anything, wait until at least 18yrs.

 

Not to mention people mature at different rates, and maturity and age not always go hand in hand. I could never have gotten married at the age of 19, I was far too immature for it. However, that doesn't mean that everyone else is as well, and that everyone else should be prevented from marrying at that age, just because I personally wasn't ready for it. As Lev pointed out, if you forcibly keep your children from making mistakes, they will never mature.

 

Thanks all for your responses which have been varied, with a majority disagreeing with 14-15 years being too young. Interestingly, responses touched on conditions and circumstances I purposely avoided to include in my initial post but came up in responses such as:

• Social security issues
  
• Hardships that can be encountered (eg ability for financial independence; managing children so young)
  
• Cultural differences (eg Non-Western countries where the young can be betrothed at 6 years)
  
• Legal aspects in different countries such as
  • age of consent (for sexual activity)
  • marrying age
  • mininum working age
• Conditions and circumstances for marrying young (eg if pregnant; method for survival)
  

The main theme in many responses was the need for maturity which can vary dependent upon the individual while still stressing the age factor.

 

My mom and dad got married when Mom was 16, that was in 1952 and they are still together. I know there were some tough times early on, but my Dad overcome this by shear force of will and determination to provide for a family he wanted. There was no going to Government agencies to provide for his family. He did it on his own.

PS. The marriage was not forced. I was the first born and didn't come along until two years later.

 

Muskysnipe - wonderful story. I bet their 50th anniversary 5 years ago was a great celebration.

 

Anything to get them out of the house

 

Yes, it was a big thing. All of the family had a hand in it. Haven't seen Mom cry in years, but she did then. Had us all wiping our eyes.

 

had to post real quick as my friend literally just emailed me ummm 2 hours ago to tell me she is engaged...(she leaves in paris - reason she didn't call)...she is my best friend has been since 2nd grade...is it wrong im not completely happy for her?? def. wouldn't want any of my friends marrying at 14yrs.

 

And.......?

 

Getting married young back in the 50's was pretty common. Not sure what the legal age (in Aussie) was back then...(I think it was 15yrs around early 50's). I think in USA in some states it was 15yrs also.

Western culture changed dramatically since the 1950's. Here, age of consent influences marrying age also (mainly as protection for youth against predators).

 

Like I've always said, you can't legislate maturity, or good sense into people, but you can legislate according to chronological age. It's about the only criteria the law that can apply to people in this area (besides whether you're male or female). Same goes for legal driving, drinking, smoking, voting, ages, etc.

 

I got married when I was 18 and my wife was 18, and we have been married almost 20 years, we kind of grew up together and have changed a lot since then but we have just learned to accept each other.

I think it just varies from person to person, I was in the military and my wife was in college, now i look at my 17 year old son and i can't imagine him getting married, he's so immature.

I wish I had waited a little longer to get married though because your not done growing up until your about 25-30, all those changes make marriage harder than they have to be when you get married young.

but 14-15 years old your hormones control your body and your mind hasn't developed all the way-i think it's doomed to failure.

 

Those of you who married young and had a life long relationship together are so lucky. Beside the fact it took a tremendous amount of effort on both parts, thats what marriage should be.
From my experience it was incredibly hard. No matter how mature you are others don't see it as such. Well in my case for good reason also, my husband if not in jail was in the hospital. We had 3 children by the time I was 20. Wages were at best minimum plus it was an era where the wife stayed home. I can remember asking my child one birthday if he wanted a gift or a cake. Every day for a child should be joyous not stressful. No matter how hard you try to shelter them, they pick up on it. My oldest daughter at a very young age would lean over and whisper if we could afford something for her. I thank god daily for each and every one of them. I told one daughter, " I thank god he gave you to me otherwise I would have never gotten to know you". They are what made all the hunger, heartache and suffering well worth it.

 

There's good reason for legislating age wise. Given the exposure I've had to sexual assault matters, I can see the reasoning for the age factor, in particular to age of consent which acts as a protection against predators (personally I think age of consent minimum should be 17yr nationally).

As mentioned earlier, age of consent (for sexual activity) has some influence on legal marrying age.

Deviate, street smart crims and those educated to the letter of the law can understand the reasoning on laws for marrying young. I can also understand the many comments posted saying under 18yrs not being too young by "the average person" who do not fit into either of the two above categories.

Laws here do allow marriages by approval from guardians and court orders for under 18yrs, but still dependent on how young. Those wanting to take that step need to understand the consequences already pointed out by others' posts (eg: Lev, Kodo, Darlene, etc and my own on legal complexities).

Personally, in my own opinion, I still hold a minimum legal marrying age of 18yrs as appropriate (as I outlined earlier).

On a legal basis, at 18yrs it cuts out legal complexities brought about if younger than 18yrs.

Cheers

LS

 

I agree. Actually, some will vehemently disagree with me, but I'd go back to 21 for minimum age for most things. I suppose I'm old fashioned like that. As for sex offenders, I'd give them "Rule .303", (as in .303 Rifle), but that's not exactly legal nowadays either, unfortunately. :major

 

I'm inclined to agree with you re a 21yr minimum for most things. But given past history, when spreading the net so wide, conflicts arise.

EG legal drinking age vs conscription. In this instance, it is rightfully arguable that if one is young enough to be conscripted at 18yrs and go to war, then one is young enough to drink. (Vietnam is a prime example in Aussie history.)

Re sex offenders - my blood boils on this also. The age limits/legislation on consent/marriage presents some difficulties on charged defendents in proving their case. In this instance I would like to see a 21yr limit, but given many other factors, 18yrs minimum is more reasonable and appropriate - just so long as they know and accept what's ahead - which few do.

Although there are many mature, sensible, sincere young adults out there wanting to marry, the law isn't there to oppose them, (hence the guardian/court approval as an added protection and scrutiny - particularly in some cases where predators have married a young person for non-love reasons - I don't think I need to expand on this....).