An Open Letter - Seeking Criticism

Preferably of the constructive variety

There is a coalition of ISPs in Canada calling themselves the Canadian Association of Internet Providers (CAIP) who have been filing for a cease-and-desist order from the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC - the Canadian equivalent of the US' FCC) against Bell Canada's bandwidth throttling practices. The case is currently in the investigative stages, and during this time (ending June 12th, 2008) the CRTC has opened themselves up for comments from interested parties.

Well, I'm a wildly interested party :-D. I'm currently composing an open letter to the CRTC, and distributing it under the GNU Free Documentation License. Now, this is the first time I've ever done anything of the sort, so I thought it might be best to get some opinions on my work. Below is what I've done so far:

Some questions I have include:

-Should I be more technical? ie. Should I be citing specific clauses of any of these party's arguments?

-Should I personalize with my background? Would it be beneficial to include details of my I.T. employment history?

-Should I include thoughts on a better alternative?

I'm sure there's more, but I'll leave it at that for now. Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to read this boring stuff, and a special thanks to anyone with input.

Cheers,

Milty

 

'I write' should be 'I'm writing'. That's about all that I'm qualified to comment on.rolleyes

 

hehe.... those little things DO count though, Augie! I don't often pay attention to the consistency of the tense I'm writing in. I was amazed at my first spell/grammar check.

Thanks much for catching that!

 

I don't want you coming off sounding like a Nigerian spammer eh? I'll be watching this thread as it develops.

 

Mada_Milty

Are you with bell sympatico ?

I am with Teksavvy ( 3 years )

Since last week i am being throttle from 4:30 PM to 2:00 AM. 30/30 kb/s

Teksavvy has made a complain to the CRTC is this the same thing ?

 

The only other thing I can really see is that you are addressing it to "Mr Traversy" and sign off as Yours Sincerely. This implies you have had previous communication with the said gentleman. So if you haven't, it should really be "Dear Sir" to start and a Yours faithfully to finish. Maybe something like "Thank you for your attention. Yours faithfully,....."

But whatever the vagaries of the English language I totally agree with your sentiments.

 

I'm errr... off the grid as it were.

However, I've SEEN some concerning behaviour from ISPs firsthand. My girlfriend was using Azureus on Cogeco, and I guess she must've been downloading something she shouldn't have been, but within minutes she was receiving phonecalls from them with the exact file name, threatening to cut her off.

Granted, she was in the wrong, but the situation smacked of Big Brother to me! Scary to think that they are continuously monitoring the connection right down to the level of personally identifiable information, and the content! Whatever happened to unwarranted search and seizure?!?!?

Teksavvy is part of the CAIP, IIRC.
http://imaddicted.ca/telephony/bell-and-throttling/

Link seems to confirm.

 

*thinks*

Poor wording on my part, perhaps. I'm really most interested in preserving the internet how it is! Not sure what my alternative would be other than "LEAVE IT ALONE!!" :-D

 

I think I agree with your suggestion on the opening, but I don't think I've signed off as you are describing. It could do without the sincerely part, I suppose. Seems like a bit of a mouthful when I look at it.

 

Mada,

You said

all I really meant was that if you change the starting line to Dear Sir then the letter should end with "faithfully"rather than "sincerely".

 

Slightly off topic, but I asked my ISP (in Australia) if they were throttling my speeds.

Their reply "We'd advise you, if that was the case"

Different company ethics, I guess.

And I'd take out the "Dear". That'll get his attention and leave the "sincerely" in, if you go this route.

Bazza

 

Hey Mada....

I don't know for sure, but I have been writing a lot of letters lately, mostly cover letters, but my understanding is that if you address the letter to a particular individual, then the opening should be "Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs. Whomever;" and I usually close with "Sincerely,"

While I don't claim to be an expert on letter writing, I do work on resumes, and when look over cover letters, that is how I usually advise people to write them.

The key is that if you are sending it to a particular person, which you seem to be, it is a matter of appropriate follow through to open the letter to them.

As to the closing, this may be a matter of international semantics, but I find that down here, Sincerely tends to lead a more formal tone to the letter. I would reserve Faithfully for a close friend, relative or spiritual leader type. (And no, the internet is not a recognized religion yet...lol)

Those are my thoughts on the matter.... best of luck to you in this matter.

~C

 

Thank you much, CT. I believe you've intuited onto a lot of what I was intending. I appreciate that you've offered suggestions on the application of both options.

I do believe that yargwel has a point on the implication of previous contact, and that's probably something to keep in mind when anticipating extended correspondence, but I don't really expect a reply and, I'm just not able to reconcile the sign off. rolleyes

 

Okay, so I'll just add another way you can slant correspondence. In this version, you are being very hard-nosed, without verging on nasty.

First opening of letter, apart from the usual from/to header, starts with:- ATTENTION: *John Doe. (*Where 'John Doe is whomever you're addressing.) And the rather curt, but official sounding letter end in:- 'I/We await your prompt response.'

I've had to use this kind of thing when dealing in legal matters, and the said party has seriously ticked me off, (Usually accompanied by letters from Barristers and Ministers of Parliament). :mad

 

Just want to confirm I'm interpreting your post correctly, Phantom. By "in this version" you mean your hypothetical version that includes the intro and outro you've described?

I ask because I'm concerned that my tone might suggest that I haven't given due consideration to Bell's position, and I can see your post as either attempting to blunt or sharpen that edge.

 

Yes, purely hypothetical in the above version. Using the my above wording would probably be a bit too curt in your particular circumstance, and would tend to 'blunt' the addressee’s position somewhat if one wishes to use that term. Depends really on how much 'attention' one wishes to demand, or otherwise.

Stating qualification/data results usually makes for a stronger case, but up to you, of course.

 

Thanks for clearing that up, Phantom.

I would like to increase my chances of getting a response, and I think your salutations are probably a good way of communicating that desire.

I think I might include that in my own personal submission, but alongside my understanding of Bell's position, so as to work towards BOTH objectives. (due consideration, and obtaining a response)

Cheers!

 

Because 'officials' that are in the 'limelight' most of the time, they receive a large part of their mail from whiny, complaining, and disrespectful sources. Most of this mail is automatically tuned out, and will be replied to after the proverbial hellfires freeze over.
Summing up with 'Respectfully yours' or 'My best regards' before your signature, is sometimes enough ego stroking to warrant additional attention.