cat people??

anyone owned by cat(s)? i have a funny that i found (cat rules) i didn't post it because max might take exception (i still think max is innocent).. but would share it by pm or post by popular demand. i just didn't want to spam anyone.

 

sure post it up.

 

Here kitty, kitty, kitty!

 

I have two cats sharing my house. They're great

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/10845259/

 

I've always been owned by cats

But they can be a handful...

 

goldfish your cats are beautiful, what kind are they?

 

Tonkineese.. part siaemees, part burmeese.

They're really smart too

 

Tonkinese? EDIT: you beat me to it, Goldfish (I can't type fast)

 

A Cat's Guide to Human Beings


Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?

So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: They Have Opposable Thumbs Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

How And When to Get Your Human's Attention...

Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

Punishing Your Human Being

Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives: Use the cat box during an important formal dinner. Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude. Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack. After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling. While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?

The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented. After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

How Long Should You Keep Your Human?

You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.

 

Nice one!

 

>Mew great post,have to forward it to all the cat lovers I know.

>Nitowing, tsk tsk, now that was not nice. Was funny though.


> Love this poem by T.S.Eliot
http://www.iwaynet.net/~bracegirdle/adcat.htm

>Also like the naming of cats.

 

I have 4 cats which follow that to a T....

 

I like the quotes


Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
Mark Twain


The other is from Robert A. Heinlein

"Never try to outstubborn a cat."

 

Oh my -- that picture is so funny. I think Dr. James Dobson of "Focus on the Family" would even laugh at the one!

 

My sister would love this thread, she is one of those cat rescue people and that is how I got the one I have now.

A great big white one that's 11 years old now, her name is Kitty and she loves shrimp, electric blankets, my feet, and lazy bloodhounds that frieghten easily.

Steve

 

All of our cats, started out belonging to someone else…..my girlfriend has a mixed cat that gray and black tiger stripe’s, with some short hair, and some long…..step-daughter 2, has a mostly black cat, that never did grow to full size….what ever that might be………and my daughter’s cat, is a Hemingway breed, she has seven toes on the front feet, and six on the back……in that story, it tell’s that cats don’t have Opposable Thumbs, well this cat has em….her only problem, is her toe nail, that one has a claw going both ways…….when she hooks something, she can’t turn it loose……wobbles…….o and what do I have, but a long tail rat……and the cats are sacred it him…….

 

...he is the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to him.

http://www.petrescue.com/library/cat-walked.htm

 

MMMMMmmmmmmmmM Cats, Rosemary, Garlic & Thyme, it's a symphony.



me admire cats, anything that won't snap to attention is alright with me

It's Frankly Zappa time

 

I have more cats than I care to admit.

They all have apparently heard that post before, as they seem to do each and everything listed.

Cats are great. I wouldn't be without one, or two, or ten, or ............

BTW: I haven't been seeing anything posted by dog lovers. Is it safe to assume that only smart people are cat owners?

LAIGo

 

Thanks, mew2! That explains a lot!

My kitty is now pushing 15, she is getting old and lazy and prefers to sleep on my desk next to the mouse, or in my bed snuggled up under my arm. When she was a kitty though, she was a handful and more!

 

I would love to have one. Have had siamese. Great talkers and retreivers the siamese.

 

Oh yes... burnie (the brown one) likes to retrive a little jingley ball thing. They have a big vocabulary of sounds.... they have a sound for "i want food" for "i want a cuddle" or "i'm really excited!" or "im confused!" and also "i give up" hehehe.

 

Sounds great goldfish, now I really want one.

 

i love my babies. one day, one of my cats was calling out.. just meowing for noise sake or she lost me (LOL) and i answered her. my friend was amazed i knew which cat had called. i know each one of their voices. (they all have some siamese in them) just call me the crazy cat woman it is nice to know there are so many who care about cats.

 

I don't think you are crazy. I know crazy, and caring about animals (cats, dogs, whatever)
is not crazy. Just my .02 cents.

 

thanks..

 

where can i order one of them cat carriers i have 2 toms cats that are always fighting and i need something to keep them apart

 

I had a Russian Blue once.

Talk about a smart cat!

She had really bad skin allergies, though. One flea bite and she would go insane.

LAIGo

 

They are so pretty, when I need an addition to the household, I think it will be a Russian Blue!

 

She was great.

Not unlike the siamese that were mentioned before, Russian blues have quite the vocabulary.

Hindsight being 20/20, I wish I had gotten 2. It seems the more intelligent an animal is, the more attention it needs.

If you are able to give your cat a ton of attention, you might be able to get away with one. But like most things, it's always better in pairs .

Hefty price tag though.

LAIGo

 

I have been adopted by two cats.....

And to add to the merriment:

Wrapping a gift with a cat in the house.

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to closet, collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cabinet and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cabinet.
6. Go to drawer and collect tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.
16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.
17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.
18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while getting tape.
19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of scissors.
20. Seal paper down with tape, making corners as neat as possible.
21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.
22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.
24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.
25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.
26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.
29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.
30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.
31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in a bathroom, but try your best!)
32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.
33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.
34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.
36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.
38. Pretend you included cat as a joke when it jumps out after recipient unwraps present.

 

http://members.chello.se/solange/smileys/lol.gif

That reminded me of this old but good one:

How to give your cat and dog a pill:

The cat:
# Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and apply gentle pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

# Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

# Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

# Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

# Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

# Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

# Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

# Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

# Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

# Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

# Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.

# Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to miss cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

# Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

# Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

# Call RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

The dog:
# Wrap the pill in some bacon.

Done.

 

my dog suggested this...


How To Wash The Cat!

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.




Sincerely, The DOG

 

http://www.unsolvedmysteries.com/usm171775.html another version, the real way to wash a cat.. (still has funny bites er bits) http://www.evileyemonster.com/how_to_wash_a_cat.htm

 

All these have been too funny.

Thanks for the laughs.

We're definitely owned by cats .

LAIGo