Cold calls

Unsolicited telephone calls.
Some of the replies my wife gives are quite good.
1 Sorry their not in at the moment, I’m the baby sitter.
2 We’re pensioners love and can’t afford double glazing.
3 Sorry I’m on the way to a antenatal clinic.
4 Sorry I haven’t got time right now I’m ironing my grandmothers shroud.
Best of all, she grins, say’s my husband deals with that sort of thing and tosses the phone to me.

 

To get them to hang up on me is what I enjoy the most. These can occasionally back-fire, so you need to be more persistent than they are.

Some of my personal favorites, that I have actually tried from time to time:
(1) I like your accent, where are you from?
(2) You sound cute, are you single? (works best on other dudes)
(3) Can you speak up, my phone sucks. Then keep asking them to repeat themselves.
(4) No seriously, do you have a real job?

You may have to resort to a combination. :-D

 

Before I bought an answering machine I would gently lay the phone down and let them continue with their spiel. Find something else to do for five minutes, come back and replace the handset in the cradle. I do wonder how long they talked before they realised their audience had gone AWOL.

 

I always liked the whistle, or to threaten them with the police for harrassment. Of course this was back before they had the Do Not Call list.

 

I say "May I ask what its concerning" If its none important I say "No thanks." and hang up before they can reply

I've probably answered more cold calls in the last 6 months 'I'd say around 5' than I've had spam emails in my entire life.

That reply flowchart Dave posted is awesome

 

I once told some gal calling for a window company that I didn't have any windows. She paused and asked, "You have no windows?" I said, yes - that I had boarded them all up. I went on to tell her that I also did the doors, which made it a problem going in and out 'cause now I had to climb on the roof and use an attic hatch. But it was worth it cause it made it harder for me "to be seen."

She didn't ask by whom . . . just paused and said, "Thank you, then. Bye!" :-D

Actually, a real good way to get rid of these cold sales calls it to tell them you rent, not own, your house or whatever . . . usually gets rid of most of them.

 

As soon as I know it's spam or sales and not any legitimate business, they get instant disconnection - end of call. Can't be bothered with polite excuses or refusals, as many take that as an excuse for some other spiel to get their hand in my pocket. May be considered rude by some, but I really don't care if some con-person thinks I'm rude. Go ahead and be offended and never ring me again - suits me.rolleyes
The caller ID filters out most of them, the hidden number wise guys just get disconnected as well. Don't want me to know who you are - fine don't ring me.

 

FTW! That's me 100% cannot be arsed.

 

I almost feel sorry for telemarketers. NOT!!

They are probably the most hated profession out there. That and those that make collection calls.

I have had some really crappy jobs, but never did I have to resort to that. I would rather collect aluminum cans by the roadside.

But for those who choose to or have to do such a job. My sympathies. :-D

 

I once had a guy call my job and ask me if we had doors. I burst out laughing in his ear. I mean who DOESN'T have doors??

I had a convo like this.. it was quite hilarious.

Cold Caller: Hi, may I speak with someone who controls the toner?
Me: There is no one, it controls itself.
CC: Huh?
Me: The toner controls itself.
CC: (really confused, so he just repeats himself) Can I speak with someone who controls the toner in the office?
Me: I told you, there is no one. The toner controls itself.
CC: (beyond confused) No one is there?
Me: No, the toner controls itself.. it does what it wants.

At this point I guess he figured out I was messing with him and he laughed. The he tried to be all serious and I told him I wasn’t interested and hung up. :-D

 

One of my friends came up with a beauty, whenever he gets a cold call he shouts “paranoid schizophrenic society, would you like to speak to us” they invariably hang up

 

Also good: Hello, Tourette's support line how may I help [expletive of choice] you?

They go away fairly quickly.

 

I have called both Personal side and Professional side in the past. I enjoyed calling into LARGE companies and finding out what pain IT was having. Sometimes the product I was promoting solved the pain, sometimes it did not. I think the comments here are over the edge and rude. If you do not want the call, simply hang up or tell the caller you do not want the call. If the caller is not civil, no need to shout or ridicule them.

 

I don't think I've ever been nasty to a cold caller but I have had cold callers be nasty to me,I remember one guy who asked the question

"Do you want to save money on your gas and electric?" a hook/lead question that you have to answer 'yes' like 'do you have windows and doors?'

"No"

"No?You don't want to save money on your gas and electric,you must be an idiot then!" And hung up:-D