Favorite Simpsons Quotes!

Google em, copy em, and post them here!! Let 's have some fun!

Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

And, while you're at it, check out this lamo site...see how many quotes it has! LOL!

 

what lamo site? i didn't see a link lol.

 

Bart: "What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

 

D'oh!!!

Here's the link! http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/

 

Theres no quotes on that website. It doesn't have anything.

 

I have one thing to say.


Happy Birthday MR. Smithers..... eeeeeeeh.

 

"Two bucks, and it only transports matter...?

"Hey Bart, wanna see my new chainsaw and hockey mask?"

 

Here ya go!

 

I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.

 

Which reminds me; I haven't eaten dinner yet. I'd better go grab something before it's bedtime.

 

Homer: "Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."

 

LOL! That's a good one. Or this:

Homer: What do you have to drink?
Peddler in NYC: Only Mountain Dew, and Crab Juice.
Homer: UUUUUGGGGHHH. That's sick! I'll take the Crab Juice!

 

Guidance consular " So Homer do you have any plans for after graduation?"
Homer " Yeah im going to drink a lot of beer, and stay up all night."



cooked

 

Skinner's Mom upon hearing that her Son is about to wed.

"Oh great, three in a bed!"

...shudder...

 

EEEEWWWWWW! I remember that one! (pokes out minds eye with ice pick)

 

Homer: "We're going where there's no one for miles...Disney's California Adventure!"

 

I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such Do-It-Yourself home videos such as "The half-assed approach to foundation repair"
ok try this one
sinur ding dong: (turns engine over) can someone give me a jump (turns engine over tell battery dies) stinkin chevy

i was trying to paint you a image in your mind for that last one

 

LOL!!!! i saw that one!

 

Otto: "They call 'em fingers, but I've never seen 'em fing...... Oh, there they go"

 

Again, Otto : "Stoner's Pot Palace!... (goes inside and comes back out)... Dude, that is Flagrant false advertising!"

I like Otto

 

• Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.
• Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and
when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
• Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.
• Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
• It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of
TV a day.
• Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: He he he... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
• Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?
• Homer: But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home
wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!
• Operator! Give me the number for 911!
• Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten
minutes!
• Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?

• Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I
can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
• Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner!
Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?
• Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother
just to get one! (chugs beer)
• Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frozen yogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer: (confused look)
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
• Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
• Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
• Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany,
like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.
• Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.
• Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.
• Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...
• (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If
you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy bidding will be done (munch munch
munch).
• What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

 

It's 6 am and I'm having my morning coffee trying to keep from splooging the monitor and waking CIndy up! Thanks for all the quotes, g1lgam3sh! That was a great way to start out my day!

 

My pleasure


I've got literally hundreds more, no life, but hundreds of Simpsons quotes

 

Simpsons quotes are life giving, so who needs a life if you have those?

 

Yeah and it's a saturday, day off


As Homer once said

'Boy, if a things hard to do, it's not worth doing'

My mantra for the day

 

I don't know the exact quote, but in the episode when Homer's long lost mother comes to visit. She's not at all like Homer or his dad for that matter, but at the very end she goes to get out of a van, hits her head & goes "DOH!!!!". Absolutely classic.

 

Teacher : The exams will consist of 50 questions - true or false ...
Homer : True.
Teacher : Homer, I am just describing the exam.
Homer : True.

 

'Hey! You know what I really like about you English? Octopussy! I musta seen that film, uh, twice.

 

the simpsons is AWSOME!! its my favourite show!!!
my fav quote: (homer) Here in Springfield, we like our beet cold! Our TV loud! And our gays FFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIINNNGG!!

 

"Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch." -- Kent Brockman

"A bloody end for Homer Simpson...is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here is how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs." -- Kent Brockman

"...and that fluffy kitten played with that ball of string, all through the night. And on a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered..." -- Kent Brockman

Kent Brockman "Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" Professor "Yes I would, Kent."

"And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly." -- Kent Brockman

"Another local peasant has been found dead, drained of his blood with two teeth marks on his throat. This black cape was found on the scene. [The cape says "DRACULA."] Police are baffled." -- Kent Brockman

"Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of 'Smartline'. Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say 'No. Of course not. What kind of stupid question is that?' But one woman says 'yes'...Marge Simpson." -- Kent Brockman

"Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over- 'conquered' if you will- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves." -- Kent Brockman

"Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun" -- Mr. Burns

Smithers "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"

"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." -- Mr. Burns

"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." -- Mr. Burns

"Oh your powers of deduction are exceptional. I simply can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go! Go for the good of the city!" -- Comic Book Guy

"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more." -- Comic Book Guy

(At the dentist's office) "Lisa, so you won't be scared, I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using. This is the scraper, this is the poker, and this happy little fellow is called the gouger. Now the first thing I'll be doing is chiseling some teeth out of your jawbone. Hold still while I gas you." -- A Dentist

"And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer." -- Lionel Hutz

"Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'." -- Lionel Hutz

"An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars isn't it?" -- Barney Gumbel

"We need some more secret sauce. Put the mayonnaise in the sun." -- Manager at Krusty Burger

"Serving the customer is merriment enough for me. Thank you, come again. See? Most enjoyable." -- Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

"Attempted murder, really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?" -- Sideshow Bob

"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." -- Abe Simpson

"I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long." -- Abe Simpson

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures." -- Bart Simpson

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." -- Bart Simpson

"I'm not calling you a liar but....I can't think of a way to finish that sentence." -- Bart Simpson

"Poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance. Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry a poacher is born." -- Homer Simpson

"Being eaten by crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender." -- Homer Simpson

"Marge, I agree with you -- in theory. In theory, communism works. In theory." -- Homer Simpson

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers." -- Homer Simpson

"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute." -- Homer Simpson

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge." Pause. "Well, goodbye" -- Homer Simpson

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" -- Homer Simpson

"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES." -- Homer Simpson

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers." -- Homer Simpson

"All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad." -- Homer Simpson

"If he's so smart, how come he's dead?" -- Homer Simpson

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." -- Homer Simpson

"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel." -- Homer Simpson

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." -- The Simpsons

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." -- Homer Simpson

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -- Homer Simpson

"I just realised that the cat and the dog haven't had a wedding, they've been living in sin!" -- Marge Simpson

"Jimmy Carter?! He's history's greatest monster!" -- Someone in a crowd after a statue of Carter is unveiled

"You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? So some pimply little puke can treat you like dirt because you're not on the team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." -- Moe Szyslak

"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything." -- Moe Szyslak

"Lemmie tell you what I tell everyone who comes in here, the police are powerless to help you." -- Chief Wiggum

"You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty." -- Chief Wiggum

"What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?" -- Chief Wiggum to Ralph

"Ok folks, back away nothin to see here... Oh my god a horrible plane wreck! Hey everybody crowd around, come on don't be shy crowd around." -- Chief Wiggum

"Ah jeez, can't you people take the law into your own hands?" -- Chief Wiggum

"See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya; otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free." -- Chief Wiggum

Man "How do you sleep at night?" Rainier Wolfcastle "On top of a big pile of money with many beautiful ladies."

"Come see the battle to determine what the greatest nation on this planet is: Portugal or Mexico." -- World Cup Soccer Commercial

"We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy." -- Milhouse Van Houten

 

Outstanding Kent...one of my favourites

 

ROFL. I don't have any particular favorites, but yours are cracking me up.

I DO have Homer as my Startup and Shutdown sounds for my computer.

Startup: No time for that now! The COMPUTER'S starting!

Shutdown: Whew! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty.

 

Homer " Who'da thought a nuclear power station could be so complicated". Baz

 

Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounter is true and by true, I mean false. Its all lies. But they're entertaining lies, and in the end isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.

Krusty Look-Alike: "Hand me over all your money in a paper sack!"
Apu: "Yes, yes! I know the procedure for armed robbery!"

 

I loved this one.

Nerd: *jumps off cliff* WHY'D THEY HAVE TO CANCEL FUTURAMA?!! *lands in car*

Girl: You just crushed my boyfriend! I hope you're good at making out.

 

Homer, to Bart: "The human wang is a beautiful thing"

Homer, to Apu. About to Re-enact a civil war battle. " C'mon Apu we need more indians for this civil war re-enactment"
Apu " Oh my. That is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start"

Homer to Bart "C'mon boy, butter that bacon"
Bart: "My heart hurts"

 

cheif wiggum:
hey. what does it say on my badge? CASH BRIBES ONLY!

 

Gotta watch the premiere tonight!

 

AAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! I missed it!

Probably one of my friends taped it.