Fnj

A lady takes her parrot to the vet, fearing that it may have died.
The vet places it on the treatment table and in a matter of seconds supports her worst fears - “This parrot is dead”
“But surely you can do something for him, he’s still young, are you sure you can’t help?” cries the distraught woman.
“Ok, there’s a few other opinions available”: The vet rings a bell and in walks a lovely glossy black Labrador. The Labrador places his paws on the table and to the lady’s amazement, listens to the parrot’s chest. He looks at the lady and shakes his head, leaving without even a growl.
Next minute, a cat walks in, jumps on the table, looks the parrot up and down and looks at the lady, shaking his head before leaving the room.
The lady accepts the death and returns to the cashier to pay her bill.
“£420! That’s a disgrace - all you’ve done is tell me the bird is dead!”
“Yes miss, for that service it was only £20 but you insisted on a lab report and a cat scan!”





'Squarks' are a term used by the US Air Force when a pilot has identified any problems after a flight. They
are usually a briefly documented description of the problem and then a brief description of how the
engineers have fixed the problem.
Below are actual documented 'squarks' written by our intelligent friends from over the pond.

(P) = Problem identified by pilot
(E) = How the engineer has resolved the problem

(P) Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing
(E) Almost replaced left inside tyre

(P) Test fight OK, except auto landing very rough
(E) Auto landing is not installed on this plane

(P) Number 2 propeller seeping prop fluid
(E) Number 2 propeller seepage normal - Numbers 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(E) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(E) Evidence has been removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(E) DME volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(E) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200fpm descent
(E) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(E) IFF always inoperative when in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(E) That's what they are there for

(P) Number 3 engine missing
(E) Engine found on right hand wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(E) Aircraft warned to straighten up, 'fly right' and be serious

(P) Target radar hums
(E) Target radar has been reprogrammed with the words






DEDICATED TO ALL MANAGERS

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and called down to her, “Excuse me, can you help me?. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees longitude”
“You must be an engineer” said the balloonist.
“I am” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well”, answered the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly you’ve been no use to me at all, if anything you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in management”.
“I am”, replied the balloonist, “How did you know?”
“Well”, replied the woman, “You don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large amount of hot air. You made a promise that you’ve no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position as you were before we met, but now, somehow, it’s all my fault”.

 

first one is amusing

lol. the second one is typical airforce, you know

The third one is sooooooo correct. great stuff

 

hehe...Outstanding as always harry, Lab report and cat scan, how dare you


No. 3..... more like No 1.....that's passed on Big time