fnj

A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he
found
the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper
in his
hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important
document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing
work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine
on,
inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent,
excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
machine.
"I just need one copy."



Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.




**********************************************************************


A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at
the
window:

"I want to open a damn checking account." To which the
astonished
woman

replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood
you.

What did you say?" "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a
damn
checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of
language
in this bank." Having said this,
the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager
to
tell him about her problem
customer. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer:
"What seems to be the
problem here?" "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly
man
says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I
want to
open a damn
checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that
this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"



Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost
anything.




**********************************************************************




An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way
to
LA when the American
turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?"

Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand
what
you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
Japanese was confused
over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled,
"What kind of -ese are you...Are you a Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese!, etc......???"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked
What
kind of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind
of
'-key' am I?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"



Lesson III - Never insult anyone.


**********************************************************************


There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a British and a
French, who found this small
genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had
released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4
swimming pools, I will give
each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you
shout what you
want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come
true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
shouted
"WINE".

The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman
was
so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the
Russian's
turn, he
did the same and shouted,

" VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German
was
next and he jumped
and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The
last is the British. He was
running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana
peel.
He slipped towards the pool and shouted, Sh@t!!!!!!!........."

Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because
sometimes
what you say accidentally does happen.


**********************************************************************


A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their
way
to meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a
wonder
lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says,
"Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I
will
allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I
want
to be in the Bahamas,
on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now
the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to
be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.

"Pfufffff, and he was also gone. The boss calmly said,

"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch"

Lesson V - "Always allow the bosses to speak first"

 

Words of wisdom

 

funny stuff
in that last one, with the boss
it doesn't matter what kind of atmosphere you work in either
thats too funny