Foxtrot November Juliet.

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

Jake asked her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled as he heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"

Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And again he heard her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake was surprised to see a guy standing there with his hands high in the air. The guy, obviously distraught, said, "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"





Late one afternoon a rep drove up to the only hotel in a small town. He found the publican and asked:
"Can you give me a room for the night?"
"Like to, but I can't. Every room's taken."
"Blimey! You've got to fit me in somewhere. I've got to work the town tomorrow. Can you give me a bed in a room with somebody else?"
"Well, there is one bed vacant in a twin room, but I hesitate to put you in there because the fellow in the other bed snores so much. We've had complaints about him before."
"That's all right. I'll soon fix him. I'll take it."
Next morning after breakfast the rep came to the desk to settle his account. He was as bright as a button. The publican asked him:
"How did you sleep last night?"
"Extra good, thanks."
"You didn't have any trouble with your roommate's snoring?"
"Oh, no. I soon put a stop to that."
"What did you do?"
"Well, when I went into the room, he was already in bed. I just went over and gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, 'Goodnight darling,' and he sat up all night watching me."



A beat-up, disheveled Scandanavian was sitting in the gutter in front of a North Dakota saloon, laughing hilariously as the blood dripped from his nose.
"What's the joke?" asked a passerby.
"Aye bane in there at da bar an' a faller cum up to me and hit me in da eye and sayd, 'Take dat, you dam Norvegian!' An he poonch me on da nose and say, 'Dat for you, you dam Norvegian!' An he kick me into da street. Ha, ha!"
"But what's so funny about that?"
"Vy, can't you tell? Aye bane a Svede!"




O'Ryan left Ireland to try his luck in the U.S. Getting on the ship he was stopped by an old woman. "I have a son in America," she said. "He lives in a little white house in Connecticut. I haven't heard from him in fifteen years. If you happen to meet him, please tell him to write to his poor old mother. His name is Dunn."
O'Ryan landed in New York. After a few months he took the bus up to Connecticut and told the driver, "Let me off at the little white house."
Thinking his passenger needed to relieve himself, the driver dropped him off at a park. O'Ryan spotted the attendant. "Could you be tellin' me where to find the little white house?"
Certain he meant the men's room, the attendant said, "Go straight down this lane and turn left." Thrilled that at last he'd find Dunn, O'Ryan followed the directions. Just as he got to the little white house, a man came out zipping his fly.
"You Dunn?" asked O'Ryan.
"Yeah," said the man.
"Then why don't you write to your poor old mother in Ireland?!"

 

Dear dear

 

very good
loved the deer story. lol

 

Some from me:

Why Men Die First

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework...you're a poofter.

If you work too hard...there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing lazy good-for-nothing.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay.....you should get off your lazy ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her...that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you......it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks......it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet..........it's male indifference.

If you cry............you're a wimp.

If you don't....................you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her.........you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you......she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy....... that's domination.

If SHE asks you.........it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear......you're a pervert.

If you don't..............you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape..............you're sexist.

If you don't.................you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape................you're vain.

If you don't................you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers.............you're after something.

If you don't....................you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements........you're full of hot air.

If you're not .you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache............she's tired.

If you have a headache.............you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often.........you're oversexed.

If you don't................there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to!


Stupid Laws

France
Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of music on the radio must be by French artists.
It is illegal to kiss on railways in France.
No pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its owner.

Scotland
You may not fish on Sundays.
It is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow.
Trespassing on someone else's land is legal.
You are presumed guilty until proven innocent for some crimes.
If someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your commode, you must let them enter.

Switzerland
It is considered an offense to mow your lawn on a Sunday, because it causes too much noise.
It is illegal to flush the toilet after 10 P.M. if you live in an apartment.
A man may not relieve himself while standing up, after 10 P.M.

Canada
You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.
It is illegal for clear or non-dark sodas to contain caffeine.
No one in Canada may watch or listen to an encrypted broadcast which is not licensed by the Canadian government. This means using US satellite systems such as "Direct TV" is illegal.
It is illegal to kill a sick person by frightening them.
It is illegal to pretend to practice witchcraft.

 

http://www.rock103.com/crew/pics/mans-life.jpg

“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”

~~~~~~~~~

The brothel's madam opened the door to find a frail, elderly gentleman standing there. "May I help you?" asked the madam.
"I want Natalie," replied the old man.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else..."

"No, I must see Natalie," insisted the old man.

Just then, Natalie appeared and advised the old man that she charges $1000 a visit. Without blinking an eye, he reached in his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two of them then went up to a room for an hour, after which the old man calmy left.

The next evening, he appeared at the brothel again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts... the price was still $1000. Again, he took out the money and the two of them went up to a room. An hour later, he left.

No one could believe it when he showed up the third consecutive night. Again, he demanded to see Natalie, handed her the money and they went up to a room. After the hour had passed, Natalie questioned him. "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

"I'm from Los Angeles," he replied.

"Really?" Natalie said. "I have family living there."

"Yes, I know," the old man said. "Your father passed away and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you $3000."

 

LMAO!!!! ,, good ones harry.

Mangowoman and G.T. too.