Frankenstiens Nocturnal Jottings.

Some years ago, the Sultan of Brunei was becoming angry as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with his only son and heir.

Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him American Airlines.

Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.

Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him Disney Studios and their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.

Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son, who had really gotten into the Disney cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit."

Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father went and bought him Microsoft.



A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year."

The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

The husband's condition has been reduced from critical to stable and he should make a full recovery.





One morning a man came into the church on crutches.

He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.

"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.



A new young monk arrives at the monastery.

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up.

In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall, and wailing "We forgot the "R", We forgot the "R" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word is celebrate." "The word is celebRate."



A man staggers into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. "We went to look for them, and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's bum. "That's when I made my big mistake. I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'hey, this looks like yours!'

"I don't remember much after that......."





An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo.

While there, he saw a man with an elephant act.

The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age.

The Irishman was very sceptical and said so in no uncertain terms.

The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times.

"Is that right?" he asked the boy.

"Oh yes." the boy said.

The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true.

The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.

The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man.

Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age.

The Irishman took him up on the wager.

The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.

Where upon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried "BeJabbers, He's right...Farty-two!"

 

Good ones Harry

 

Yeah thats pretty funny. Did you come up with that or steal it from somewheres?

 

Happy Friday Harry

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One has a

cross in front of him, the other one the Star of David. Many people go by

and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar

sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the

beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of

David.

Finally the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and

says: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country.

People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David

in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a

cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest and, turning

to the beggar with the cross and says, "Moishe... look who's trying to teach

the Levine Brothers about marketing"



Drunk Driver

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few.

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


Green, Pink and Yellow

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence. He pulls him out and says, "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with him, "No, noooo, Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The border patrol agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him, and says "OK, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence."

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The three words are: green, pink and yellow. Now use them in one sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, OK. The phone, it went green, green, green... I pink it up, and sez yellow?"

 

As always Harry, Bad to the Bone