Fuming - 1st day of Kindergarten

Today was Kahlyn's first day of Kindergarten. She's been excited for weeks, and got up and ready and all excited. Even the bio-sperm came all the way out to walk her in her first day. She told us to go home, and was smiling.

When she came home, she was upset, irritable, uncontrollable, and would break into fits for no apparent reason, like she was severely over tired. Kahlyn is special needs. She's multiple nonvisually handicapped: She's severly ADHD, Auditory (cognitive skills) impaired with no impulse control. She's a handful.

So let me run down the things for you I learned today.

Kahlyn cried when she left school, because she didn't have a note for me. Even commented to another child we passed walking a little later "nice note" that she was holding in her hands for her mom. Katie called me later on... They sent home a whole pile of papers. Kahlyn had nothing, and from her attitude about it, being disappointed and upset, that was on purpose.

Arianna (kay's friend whos IQ is astonishing) says that Kahlyn did NOT eat lunch. That another child shared her lunch with Kahlyn. I asked Kahlyn, did she have lunch? She said yes. I asked did she have her very own lunch? She said no, we shared. I didn't send a dollar to school, but the school district is OBLIGATED by law to feed the child and bill the parent. Not only that, Kahlyn is disabled in the eyes of the State of New York. That is AUTOMATIC acceptance for free lunches by the district.

Kahlyn was put in TIME OUT on her FIRST day of Kindergarten. I asked her why and she said soemthing about a rocking chair and a red chair. She wasnt real clear on what she had done wrong. Katie says that in kindergarten children get put in time out for not keeping their hands to themselves and for speaking out of turn or some such thing. KAHLYN IS INCAPABLE OF DOING THAT and I WARNED them. She can't spend the whole damned day in time out!

And I KNEW something was wrong, because the woman practically pretended I didn't exist other than telling Kahlyn, "oh look whose here" and walking away. And she was so upset about not being able to show her mommy the notes and feeling unspecial beacause of it.

I called Kevin and tod him what was going on. He sounded as interrested as usual but I asked him if he would stand behind me and if he would call the school as well and voice his concerns... and he could have cared less. I mean, he shwed up to walk her to the first day of school but he never ****ing called her to see how it went. So my mom beeped in because I'd left her 2 messages and I hung up on him.

She told me it was all my fault like normal but then she stopped being a bitch and told me the people I needed to talk to that would be most helpful and to not tell them that I was related to Paul. Paul is a pediatric psychologist, and one of the best locally, so she told me to call and emergency CSE meeting and bring Paul with me to it and things would get done. She also told me to call the Superintendant, the Special Education Department and the Parent Partnership Network. So tomorrow I'm going to speak to the teacher, sign any of the paperwork she was supposed to send home that I need to, MAKE her give the rest to Kahlyn because that was important to her, then speak to the Social Worker at the school, and camp out in front of the Principal's office until she agrees to speak to me. I'm going to make a pest out of myself.

Also, i'm going to get Kahlyn ready for school like normal, but if she desperately does not want to go, she's not going. Period. Just so worked up, I fumed, I screamed, i cried... I feel like I failed as a parent, but I did absolutely everything I was supposed to; I got her fully evaluated, i prewarned them of the existing condition and gave them evaluation copies and I prepped everyone. I mean my gut instinct was not to like the teacher, that she wasn't suited to teaching kindergarten, but I try to give people chances. Now I know, as I should have learned by now, trust the gut it never fails, even when reason and logic do the gut was always right.

*fuming*

 

This is too late for you Wenchie, but here in Cranbrook, we have a preschool for the 2 years before kindergarten that's devoted to special needs. Any kids can go to it but will be bumped in favour of special needs kids. My kids were all fortunate to go there. They aren't special needs. It was a good experience for them. The theory behind it is to get the kids ajusted to the classroom before kindergarten. I'm sure things will improve with time. Be sure and be rational when talking to the teacher even if you feel like beating her up. It will go along way.

 

That's what pisses me off most. Kahlyn has been IN that special needs preschool IN this district since she was 18 months old, so the district is completely at fault because they had all the information on hand and KNEW she needed to be in an integrated classroom setting and what the results of the DEC (Developmental evaluation center) eval were even if they didnt have the paper and just chose to "let her try".

So mad, raising some hell tomorrow.

 

my nephew just started Kindergarten last week... For a few moments I got really anxious hearing about his day because I remember how cruel some kids were to others when I was an elementary school student and it would just drive me crazy if I ever found out anyone was picking on my nephew because he is the sweetest kid in the world...

 

oh, you poor girl. it seems sometimes that no matter how hard one tries, you just cant get it right. i have had my fair share of innings at the various schools i subjected my kids to, and it ain't easy. as a parent you are the least important voice, not the most. all i can say is keep on it. even if your child ends up totally illiterate, at least she will know you were there for her and on her side. i know from your letter that you are obviously 'on it', just don't let them intimidate you into believing that they know more than you. god bless you and my aloha to you. don't let the b*st*rds get you down.

 

@ Wenchie.........

Watch the sorry, untrustworthy, lying, incompetent school psychologists. They will do everything they can to make you believe that every problem / issue is either your fault or Kahlyn's fault while the school system and teacher remain blameless! http://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/mad.gif

Fought that battle and it was ugly, but my little girl won eventually.

It was a battle worth fighting and I encourage you to stand strong. I am hoping that you get more support in the future than you are evidently getting right now from those close to you.

We at MG are with you anyway. http://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/smile.gif

Hugs and kisses to you and Kahlyn.

 

Hang in there wenchie...don't let them talk you down!!!!!

For some reason these days, teachers and school administrators seem to think they are the almighty gods and all the sudden the parents know NOTHING!!!!

I remember my parents going thorugh it with my schools before I was old enough to take cre of it myself!! From 6 months old I was/am about 60-70% hard of hearing, so I obviously required special attention (My wife says I still do...but we won't get into that!!!! ) and trying to beat that into the schools systems heads, was like trying to move a herd of stubborn cattle!! My parents would explain the special needs while the teacher/whoever would sit there looking them straight in the eye, shaking their head saying uh huh...blah, blah, blah...then turn around and forget everything!!!!

As you obviously know...it is quite frustrating getting everything squared away, but...if you stick with it, and your child is able to be raised in a normal school enviroment...the rewards will definately come later in life!!!!! Believe me I know from experience!!!!

Stand your ground and stay firm!!!!!!!!!

Roger

 

You go, girl! Do what it takes to get them to do right by her. I also have a school district that was set on making me feel a failure, that I didn't have a clue about my child. My child does not have the degree of difficulties that yours does, him being borderline ADD, but it did result in outbursts, trouble sitting still, hard to concentrate on what they said. Naturally, they insisted it wasn't their methods, that he needed to be on drugs that I refused.

I even had to go so far as to pull him out of public school and homeschool him for 3 years. That simply reinforced the feeling of failure because I am not by nature inclined to be a teacher. Nor was he getting interaction with other children which is vital to social and mental growth. Last year was his first in public high school and was not especially good for him. They called on a regular basis, In School Suspension every week or two, and even a couple of total suspensions. I finally gave in, let them pay for a psychiatrist visit and formulation of his own IEP.

Wouldn't you know that it was a waste of time and he has started to outgrow it? He is having a great year so far, no phone calls, ISS, or suspensions and good grades.

So hang in, fight for what is right for your baby, and eventually, you and she WILL win.

 

Yeah, thats public schools for ya!

I think for her maybe a private school would be best. Perhaps one that specializes in kids with special needs.

Public schools are the worst. I'm living proof! At 12 years old my parents went through a really ugly divorce. Just brutal, and they used me and my sister as pawns to constantly get at each others throats. I was in 7th grade at the time, and mind you, I was an A,B student up until this point. When all that happened, my attitude was like "F--- it!" I started cutting classes, skipping school, always in detention and never did any homework. I got all F's that year and should have been held back. Well, the woman whom biologically is my moth...(I can't even say it!) couldn't bear the embarressment of having a child who was left back a grade, made a deal with the devil (actually Mrs. Peters, the guidance counsler) to send me to a different school that had a prgram for "sociallly disturbed kids" (read: drug addicts, arsonists and psychotics). That was the deal..."I'll send your kid to the next grade level if you get him the hell out of my school". It was still a public school, in the same district.

That was the worst possible thing they could've done to me. From then until I graduated was like a party! Nothing at all was expected of the kids in that class, except that they just not kill each other or beat up any teachers. This was just before the big Ritalin craze, when a good choking was all that was needed to calm kids down.

So now here I am, STILL trying to make up for those years lost. I'm working on my second degree, but it's such a pain because I always have to take the Basic Maths and Intro to Comp, etc, since I never had any of that in high school.

So if it is at all possible, try to look into a Private school. Even if it is far away. I know they're expensive, but there might be some kind of assistance that you would quailify for.

I know your intentions are good and you're angry, but you'll never get anywhere with public schools. They simply don't care. They will let your daughter fall through the cracks and things will only get worse.


-Steve

 

Well, I marched meself straight in and voiced my concerns, but before I got my mouth open Kay's teacher says to her, "Kahlyn, you left all of your papers in you cubby last night! Go get them for mommy!"

Ok, so... Noone explained to her that they actually had to be put into her backpack.

I asked her about Time Out. Yes, she was put in time out for running around the classroom instead of following directions to sit down. That's what I usually put her in time out for... I can't fault her there. It was only the one time apparently, it just happened to be the thing she remembered most.

I asked her about her lunch. the teacher says she was served lunch, as far as she knew. She may have given it away. She does that too, to her sisters, all the time.

She said the one thing that she was having the most trouble with was getting her to listen (no duh) so I demonstrated. I called her name loud and firmly and said look at my words while tapping my chin. Then gave her a short directive. She went and did it. I also told her, if it's obvious to you explain it to Kahlyn, she wont quite get it.

I left to go find Katie, and the school social worker stoppe me to tell me what a wonderful job Kay did on her first day, and how she had only had to sit tie out once, but she had an egg timer so she was aware of when she could get up. She also said at one point that she had come in and Kay was under a table so she had taken her by the hand and sat her in a rocking chair to calm her down.

Then I got really mad. At myself. I hadn't thought about how hard this owuld be for Kay because she'd always had a summer program to transition her, and always had a bus to make a clear beginning and a clear end. How of course she had melted down, she'd had to be in a restricted environment for 6 straight hours and that she was adjusting to the change.

The teacher told me that all the kids had melted down. Some before leaving, some afterwards. She said it happens every year. The social worker said she had done great and to give it a chance, maybe a few weeks before considering a pull. But I'm still calling the district to set up the CSE meeting because Kahlyn requires occupational therapy (it's different for kids, it focuses on roles and mannerisms) and she needs to be recommended for a full year program schedule, school and summer, so this wont happen anymore.

But Kay was fine.. Other than losing her glasses someplace between the front stoop and the crosswalk infront of the school, (thank god for free replacements) she seemed not exactly eager, but expectant. Like she had to go, it was just expected. Which is good. I'm going to moniter it closely and make myself a pest with the teacher, who was less frantic today, and see what there is to see.

As long as she IS being fed and NOT in time out ALL day, I'm ok.

 

(((((((((((Wenchie))))))))))))))))))))

I've worked in Special Needs for many years and it is a joy to see a parent taking the care and consideration from all sides as you are. You are thinking of your daughter, her school and her teaching staff. In fact the only person you aren't thinking of right now is you. Don't forget to give yourself some time to adjust to the changes too, and don't be so hard on yourself. It's a period of change for you and your daughter both. You have this wonderful opportunity to help the staff understand Kahlyn's learning needs so that perhaps the next parent with a child with similar additional needs doesn't have to start from first base, as you feel you are

Kahlyn is so blessed to have you as her Mom

 

Thanks Lev

 

Hey Wenchie --

I'm glad you took a step back and looked at things more closely. Often, we are so protective of our kids we miss the big picture. Sounds to me like she is going to do fine, with a little TLC. I really hope Kahlyn comes to enjoy it.

Good Luck !!

 

Wenchie,
I agree with Lev, and remember that nothing in nature is more protective than a mother! You are a Class "A" mother in my book!

 

Thanks