Funny Quotes.....

You know the sort of thing, what you put as your signature on outlook, or posts. Or just some seen around the forum! The more 'computery' the better.

A couple to get started from my quotes file:

"Outlook's IMAP driver, on the other hand, appears to have been left for dead in the jungle, where it was raised by apes." "Jan Miksovsky"

seen on slashdot:

Cow-friendly land mines would only result in the deployment of militarized cows. -- Jeremi

We should sell bloat credits, the way the government sells pollution credits. Everybody's assigned a certain amount of bloat, and if they go over, they have to purchase bloat credits from some other group that's been more careful. (Bent Hagemark)

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see. (Jack Handy)

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high. (Jack Handy)

 

Microsoft Works

Steve

 

Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."

 

I like this one.
lol

 

me too

 

One from the NY Times today ...

"It takes about half the time to train dogs in prison as it does in foster homes, Ms. O’Brien said, because of the more intensive training they get from inmates."

lol
abri

 

Wow, resurected an old thread, one of my first lol, lets see if it does any better this time!

 

okay, and another part of the same NY Times article:
LOL

“We have 268 inmates in this prison alone, which is already too many,” Mr. Saba said. “And for every puppy, we lose a bed because the dogs take the place of an inmate in the cell.”

 

"There's an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone." (Bjarne Stroustrup)

 

"All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer." (1925 IBM Maintenence Manual)

 

"I haven't had a virus in ages" spoken by Lev, this morning, shortly before Avast kicked up a worm infection notice

 

“Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.”
Mary Hirsch

 

lol ... that's a good one hahahaha

 

ooooooo ... I like your avatar
<creeps away into hiding>

 

"No computer will ever need more than 640k of memory."
Bill Gates

 

It seems that Bill Gates never said that... http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Bill_Gates#Misattributions

 

In my memory, this thread used to be a fairly long thread. I remember a whole bunch of posts from here. Where'd they all go? Or was that a different quotes thread?
abri

 

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Gates can deny it all he wants. I still think he said it.

We are talking about a guy that during a press conference to defend outsourcing Windows development to India said that "Maybe a little piracy is a good thing" when he was told that India is one of the worst places in the world for software piracy.

He then had a press conference to deny he ever said it a week later.

 

Theres no maybe about,windows's popularity is partly due to how easy it is to copy,they specifically decided to go down that route so everyone can have windows,now everyone does,every program under the sun is designed to run on a windows pc its time to bring in antipiracy measures and start making people pay for it,like giving a drug addict thier first couple of fixes for free before charging them.

 

From Family Guy

Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)

 

Rikky,
For some reason I'm surprised to hear that comment coming from you.
abri

 

"It's hard to believe that whole families can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs." --- Jack Handy