Help Help Help

my friend called me lastnight at 330am. and said he needed me there to stop him from doing coke. someone gave him a free gm. then he called me back and said nevermind he will just do what is left and never touch it again and told me not to come. how do I approch this with him? like am I firm and tell him NEvEr AGAIN or what idk. . i told him i was coming anyways and all this. but he begged me not to. that he would be okay. I called him this morning atlike 830 he said he would call me from work on a break. but idk what to do when I see him what do I say and how do I say it. He has a 2 year old.I told him I am sorry for bringing Brynna in it. But she needs you. She really does. She needs you to fight off the creeps that try and get at her, she needs you to protect her from everything. To teach her that it's okay to get a lil dirty. What if something were to happen to Jessica. She needs you there. She looks up to you. No one is going to be like her daddy. No one will ever be as strong, as handsome, as smart, as silly, as loving...as you. i just .. idk help

 

Hi smiles...you're in a very tight situation, and your friend is very fortunate to have someone like you to care for him. However, drug issues are very complex, potential explosive situations and best left to those trained in handling them. The agency I work for deals with such issues for youth and young adults, but sadly we do not cover your area.

I would strongly encourage you to call a qualified drugs counselor and discuss this with them. They will give you correct, expert advice. Here is a link that you may find useful. You also need to mention to them that there is a very young child involved. It is a toll-free number.

http://www.usnodrugs.com/rehabs.php/US/Ohio/Columbus

 

with all due respect, even a coke chasing daddy may be better than the foster and child care system. imho. i know that 'tough love' is now the politically correct, intellectually sensible, self preservationist view, but...there is another way. you can spend a lot of time, attention, support, unconditional, nonjudgmental energy and resources. that also works..at least as often. you can make yourself a resource for that little girl. you can turn things around for people, by being a constant. by being honest, and by trusting that there is no such thing as too much love. aloha

 

Counseling is not CPS, but they do need to be aware that children are involved, as this affects how they handle the situation. A coke taking daddy may, in some circumstances, be a better option than foster care etc, I agree, but not if coke taking daddy is so high he leaves a 2 year old in extreme danger. This is why the counseling guys need to have full information of the circumstances. That was my point

I am the last person on this planet to condone taking a child/children away from a parent(s) unless absolutely, totally unavoidable.

 

i am sure you are. but from my experience in the us, the councelling services are 'mandated reporters', the cps are non-flexible machines that operate not to the benefit of the child, but to the benefit of the machine. . come to think of it, my experience in the uk wasn't much different. once that ball gets rolling, it is difficult to stop.
the point was 'can she help and how'. for what ever reason, good or bad, this young man has reached out to her. he trusts her. his reasons may be suspect, but hers don't have to be. she is, at the moment, the only person that CAN help him. in my humble etc. i feel really strongly that the 'war on drugs' has taken a really weird turn somewhere. there is no-one more qualified to help him than the people who truly know him and love him. there is no professional substitute, no magic rehab, no social punishment, that will achieve more than they. i mean absolutely no offense to any professional, (or even non-professional) carers here. i know many have been involved with 'the drug problem' on deeply personal and public levels. i know its a complex issue and cause for much concern and confusion. i am telling you these things because i too have seen this from many angles now. i am telling what i know may work, and what i know may not. this is not a politically correct time to be involved with drugs. the system has developed its own absolution. no-one wants to think that the problem is born of social and family issues, not individual self destruct. i disagree with the current thinking on the entire matter. my advice stands. trust in love. trust in yourself. in your instincts. in your ability to affect change. i realize that sounds simplistic. but simple it is not. it requires a great deal of attention, and effort, and disappointments. good luck and my prayers whatever you do smiles. there is no right or wrong answer. luv you guys.

 

I, too, am a mandatory reporter, and understand the full implications at stake here.

My intention to have Smiles contact counselors is to arm him/her with professional information on how to address this situation with her friend. It is a huge undertaking, and requires advice. Smiles can contact the counselor without having to give ANY information such as names, addresses etc., and remain in total confidence, but still receive advice. This is too big to simply blunder in without any idea and in all probability make the situation worse. One young human being is not going to be able to tackle this whole situation and stop a coke user doing drugs forever, without some advice on how to go about it. However, Smiles is in a great position possibly to support this friend, with love as you say, and practical advice and help while he gets his act together. Such as the care of his daughter. Ensuring she is safe, fed, clothed etc, and possibly even acting as designated carer while her friend seeks professional help, if required, so that the child is not removed from the home into the care system.

There is always more than one way to skin a cat. As you quite rightly say Laurie, it takes bundles of love and care, not just pointing the wagging finger at the parent that is slightly off the rails. However,the boundaries need to be carefully laid out by Smiles if he/she is to help, with professional advice so the situation is not compounded by lack of knowledge and understanding.

I think I've ranted on enough....

 

thankyou for clarifying lev. respect and aloha.

 

You're welcome *hugs*

 

this is a very hard situation to be in for you and your friend and of corse his family,

i have been on both sides i have been the addict and i have been the person trying to help and support the addict and i can tell you know its easier to be the addict

lucky for me i was able to give up the moment i fell pregnant not that i ever thought i could give up but that must of just been my right push

what a friend did for me and what i am now doing for a friend is writting a HUGE list on Who and What that person is hurting everytime they take those drugs and then give the friend (addict) the list, tell them everytime they are tempted to take more drugs to at least read the list twice over before they do it
i cant guarantee it will stop them everytime or even once but they will feel guilty for taken it and have a shit time and wont get the great effect they were getting before therefore leading them to think ah nah ill leave it this time it wasnt that great last time.

make sure that the list is basically completley dramatic but realistic too

For eg: just one time the stuff will kill you and your daughter may think'my dad prefered the drugs rather then to live another day with me' or

your wife/husband my leave you and take the kids and you might losethem for ever.

i know that it may sound really harsh but thats the whole point of the list

trust me ive seen it work and had it work on me, it does take sometime for some but it should work.

make sure you tell your friend your doing this because you truly care.

i hope this helps

best of luck!

ALwayz Brooke