Hijacked and Shanghaied!

I actually am working in Shanghai but thats an entirely different nightmare. I woke up yesterday morning and had 7 new dandy shorcuts on my desktop (casinos, games etc.) Had a brand new homepage. Popups galore. Top and bottom banners. Ran adaware (updated) and it found 170!!! different objects, including a LOP folder. Deleted. Reboot. Same problems. Ran Pest Patrol. Found a few randoms. Quarantined. Reboot. same thing. Ran toolbar cop and deleted anything suspicious. Reboot nothing. Ran CWS shredder. Nothing. Ran an online virus scan. Nothing.
Computer keeps trying to load dlls from sketchy exes..."soap" something and others too. I get about 5 wierd beeps on bootup as I probably deleted a few of the culprits and it is looking for the targets.. And the internet is SO slow.

Today, I noticed that a number of security forums I checked with yesterday are inaccessible to me. Pops me to a search page. NOW THIS IS WAR!!!!!
Im at a loss here folks.

I did manage to find an interesting folder in my all users application data: linkfunkprocglue. Thats the neame of the folder! Inside, there is an .exe called UP COPY and a small file called build beep bait. Everytime I try and get rid of it, it says it is being used. Im very suspicious. Though Ive never actually checked what was in here.

PLEASE HELP! My mandarin consists of sign language and waving American dollars at people. And, seriously, i know a little about computers, but Im completely at a loss here.
My log is below as I cannot upload it! It says it cannot upload a log file yet I swear, its a .txt file!!! I tried 10 times to save it as text and IT IS A TXT according to properties. Yet when I go to upload it and click browse, it shows it as a .log file.
Ive tried everything on that one too. Sorry.

MUCHO MAHALOS!