How to give a pill to a cat

1. Pick up cat and gently cradle it in the crook of your left arm as
if holding a baby. Position left forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat step 1..

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm as before, but this time holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. This time, wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from
bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table , find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to come collect mutant cat; then, call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.

I put it here because I don't think everyone looks at jokes and this is too funny to miss

 

Very very funny (and real) roflmao

Thanks for sharing this with us Darlene

http://bestsmileys.com/cats2/19.gif

 

Though funny as it is, but for the real occasion, if the pill is powdery inside, open it up and sprinkle it on a small portion of canned cat food and mix well. Worked great for our cat, Teasel.

[Don't mean to take away the humor on this thread....]

However, as of today, going on for a year I think, he was put to sleep - was getting more finicky on what food to eat, loosing weight, was staying in a curled postion on our bed, and throwing up every day or so (quality of life was going down). My wife called me when she got home from the vet and was naturally upset. Haven't really cried yet, but probably will when I get home. She's had him for 15 years - now he's in heaven playing with previous cats he'd known before - Columbus and Minsky.

 

Sorry to hear Ken, we also have a cat going on 15, think I said before I'm always looking to see if she's breathing like you do with a new born baby.
Never gave a cat a pill (knock wood) have dogs.
Dan and I used to bath Sidney (cat) when she was little. He went it alone one day , think I was upset with him and said do it your self, anyway after a bit he was calling thought he needed help, sure did, she hooked him in back of his upper arm, in and out like an upholstery needle.
Cats are special rolleyes

 

I used to try the pills for the cat. Hiding it inside of the cast's fish dinner sometimes worked. Sometimes just the pill would be left behind. So I got hold of this meat flavoured syrup that contained the same stuff. No more problems - Yay! :hyper

 

I just shoot the pill down their throat with a special little sling shot

Works like a charm

 

roflmaoroflmaoroflmaoExcellent Darlene...really cracked me up.

Pills for mine means "wrapping my body" around my cat with his back pressed against my body, then one hand firmly holding his face with his mouth ajar, while popping pill in with other hand. Quickly and gently shove pill to base of throat with finger...then immediately hold his head up while keeping his mouth shut and gently massaging his throat until he "gulps".

It always works for me I always give him lots of praises, kisses and his favourite treats after that to make it a "good" memory for next time I need to give him a pill.

 

Gosh LauraR, I didn't know you just recently lost your little companion. (Not always on here.) So sorry...know how you must have felt.

...@Ken, I mentally note anniversaries too...after all, they had been our wonderful companions.