life on planet earth

we have just bought three acres of it. we have signed papers. it is ours.

please excuse the musing, i cant help it. if some-one had said to me 13 yrs ago that i would end up where i am now, i would have thought them crazy. this time thirteen years ago i was watching my child die slowly and painfully in front of my eyes. that year was probably as hard as it can get. she died in september, and we both totally fell apart. we had known the day was coming since she was about six, and she repeatedly visited death's door from then on. she was thirteen when she died. no amount of preparation, no amount of training, no amount of strength, sees you through this. our marriage fell apart. our lives fell apart. in every way. life suddenly looses all meaning. with no future...no purpose... only pain. our friends and family took care of us as best they could. in the deeper reaches of my brain i knew i had to get out. jacob was only two.

i left. i was not capable of dealing with divorce...or property...or anything. i just left. i left my whole life. everything i had, everything i knew, everybody i loved. i just left. and i was very angry with God.

traveling around the US, the simple adventure of it, soothed and occupied my mind. total change of input. my daughter joined me, (i don't think she dared let me do it on my own). hawaii was just another spot on the map...another nowhere to go to.

in my deepest darkest months, i used to listen to one of the god-awful relaxation tapes. (i was after all a psychiatric nurse)

...........imagine your-self on a white sand beach...feel the warmth and texture of it beneath your skin...feel the cool breeze across your body...listen to the sound of it whispering through the palm fronds...the sound of the birds...of the waves lapping on the shore. imagine the color turquoise...the white caps dancing. imagine the feel of a cold glass in your hand...of the condensation running down...........

so there i was. one day i simply woke up and there i was. it took me two days to know i could never leave. over the years i managed to reconcile with hubby, and we have built a life here. we have raised our son. we have found peace. we look to into the future and see, not emptiness, but abundance...joy...purpose.

the three acres are in the middle of the ohia forest. it is a long thin strip, but it is a corner plot. there is no water, no electric, and no phone, but catchment is possible, and the other two can be connected at a price. there are the footings and the plans for a four bedroom house, and the cess pit has been completed, all of which are permitted and approved. i will have to live in a tent, until hubby has built me a house. oh what fun. its like being on a perminant holiday. can you imagine.

the moral to this story is?. i don't know what the moral to this story is. to say that 'God is good' seems like underplaying it somewhat. i only know that all things are possible. no matter how extreme, how unconventional, pie in the sky, unobtainable your dreams can be. all things are possible.

 

Yea me too Laurie. Seems at times life can put you into that proverbial Pit along with some nasty demons. Its good to know that you have managed to beat them down, and climb out.............And in Paradise no less........Congratulations

 

Laurie...thank you for sharing such a deep and personal part of your life with us. It is only when push comes to shove that we truly learn what we are made of, and are able to stand up on our own two feet once again. It's the hardest lesson on this planet to take, but also the most worthwhile lesson. I am so glad you are blessed with the beauty you now have in your life. Without the past painful experiences you would not be able to appreciate those things in your life as you so obviously do now. *Hugs*

 

Don't know whether to say Sincere Sympathy or Congratulations, What a heart break loosing a child, I'm so sorry. God bless you and enjoy your acres. What an adventure!

 

Hey Laurie. Thanks for sharing those intense feeling with us.

Life can seem very cruel and unjust at certain phases of our existence, something which I'm only too familiar with. I don't know whether it is acts of providence, acts of others, coincidence, or there just aint no reason - we may simply need some form logic in often chaotic events and factors.

What I do know, is that the onus is on each of us to work with what we have, whilst still striving for a better lot in life, for ourselves and others. I know that like attracts like, and consequently positive thoughts and a grateful heart, even though life may suck at times, will result in positive results. Something which I'm still trying to master to this day. I also know the more we do for, and bless others, the more we, ourselves have a richer and blessed life. Seems to be one of those unwritten rules of life.

Congratulations on procuring your own three acres of paradise, Laurie. There's nothing quiet like owning your own patch of land. I know I'm grateful for my property, albeit fairly humble by some comparisons.

May the Lord and life bless you and your family abundantly now, and in the future, Laurie <*hugs>.

 

thanks you lot. i wish i could claim some sort of responsibility for this success, but i cant. it all just sort of fell into place. we were renting a large derelict house, that we systematically renovated. landlady than sold it for loads of money. although we did find another house to rent, we knew we could not keep doing this. the landlady, who is also a realter and a mortgage co. offered to help us find a place we could afford. of course after we actually moved out the offer dissipated, but by then we had looked and found this plot and discovered that seller financing was available and we didn't need her.

we have just spend the weekend down there. this is totally surreal. sometimes my whole life seems surreal. we are gonna start work on it next weekend. first thing is to build an outhouse over the septic tank. clear the weeds and flatten a space to put a permanent camp. people keep offering to give us things.....so far a 40ft bus, an old ambulance, a 17ft cargo truck, a 20ft container.

after spending the weekend looking and 'feeling' we have more or less decided on the cargo truck, and the container. the cargo truck will make enough living/sleeping space and we will set up a canopy for water catchment and shade. its a little daunting (well a LOT daunting really!!).

the land has endless possibilities. its gently undulating, and lends itself easily to landscaping. the 'weeds' are wild orchids, large graceful ferns, and other such tropical splendor. the stars saturday night were phenomenal. it rained on and off, on and off the whole weekend, but the rain is WARM. its like this all over the island, but living in houses you forget the feel of these things, and even small town lights diminish the magnitude of the night sky.

i am tired, sunkissed, and a little frightened by the amount of work we now have on our plates. but im very happy.