Muslim suicide bombers to go on strike

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Major Attitude, Jul 8, 2011.

  1. Major Attitude

    Major Attitude Co-Owner MajorGeeks.Com Staff Member

    Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

    The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this February from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

    The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

    Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden (speaking from Paradise) explained, "We sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

    Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

    Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland , Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas anyway".

    Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of that Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle - now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.
     
    Major Attitude, Jul 8, 2011
    #1
  2. satrow

    satrow Major Geek Extraordinaire

    No Tim, there was a mistake in some translations a very long time ago!

    "virgins" should read "goats".
     
    satrow, Jul 8, 2011
    #2
  3. Major Attitude

    Major Attitude Co-Owner MajorGeeks.Com Staff Member

    According to this statement... same thing ;)
     
    Major Attitude, Jul 8, 2011
    #3
  4. motc7

    motc7 Vice Admiral (Starfleet)



    :-D:wave
     
    motc7, Jul 8, 2011
    #4
  5. Novice

    Novice MajorGeek

    Great post! I really liked it. :)
     
    Novice, Jul 8, 2011
    #5
  6. DavidGP

    DavidGP MajorGeeks Forum Administrator - Grand Pooh-Bah Staff Member

    Hahahahaha LMAO

    and as a Brit this is funny and the best bit is

    Paradise is likely a Tandoori somewhere down the highstreet!
     
    DavidGP, Jul 8, 2011
    #6
  7. lbmest

    lbmest MajorGeek

    roflmaoroflmao

    They better use the time off for math studies.;)
     
    lbmest, Jul 8, 2011
    #7
  8. collinsl

    collinsl MajorGeek

    And if the fly that caused the dirt that made the translation mistake happen had taken a dump 1mm to the left it would have read "liquorice bootlaces".
     
    collinsl, Jul 8, 2011
    #8
  9. oma

    oma MajorGeek

    Who knows for sure whether these virgins would be female or not? ;)

    Enjoyed reading it. LOL
     
    oma, Jul 9, 2011
    #9
  10. TimW

    TimW MajorGeeks Administrator - Jedi Malware Expert Staff Member

    I think motc7 should be very afraid!! Very!!! :-D:-D
     
    TimW, Jul 9, 2011
    #10
  11. oma

    oma MajorGeek

    Guess only his sweater should be. :-D
     
    oma, Jul 9, 2011
    #11
  12. Fred_G

    Fred_G Heat packin' geek

    Good one MA, saw it somewhere before, but still funny. :-D
     
    Fred_G, Jul 9, 2011
    #12
  13. Bob D.

    Bob D. Majorgeeks official old fart

    This just in....

    In the wake of Bin Laden's death, Radical Muslims have gone on a rampage in Southern California, killing anyone who's a legal US citizen. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2. I will keep you posted on future developments...



    Shamelessly copied from an other site. :-o
     
    Bob D., Jul 10, 2011
    #13
  14. Bob D.

    Bob D. Majorgeeks official old fart

    Starbucks started offering the 'Osama Bin Latte'- White fluffy head with 2 shots...........

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    New drink at the bar.
    A Bin Laden.


    Two shots and a splash of water.
     
    Bob D., Jul 10, 2011
    #14
  15. Bob D.

    Bob D. Majorgeeks official old fart

    Starbucks started offering the 'Osama Bin Latte'- White fluffy head with 2 shots...........

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    New drink at the bar.
    A Bin Laden.


    Two shots and a splash of water.



    Got these two from a neighbor.
     
    Bob D., Jul 10, 2011
    #15
  16. Mimsy

    Mimsy Superior Imperial Queen of the MG Games Forum

    Mimsy, Jul 10, 2011
    #16
  17. Fred_G

    Fred_G Heat packin' geek

    :-D:-D Good one Mimsy. That allah, he is a crafty one isn't he?
     
    Fred_G, Jul 10, 2011
    #17
  18. dyamond

    dyamond Imelda Marcos of Majorgeeks

    This whole thread gave me a good laugh! :-D :-D
     
    dyamond, Jul 10, 2011
    #18
  19. LauraR

    LauraR MajorGeeks Super-Duper Administrator Staff Member

    LauraR, Jul 10, 2011
    #19
  20. TimW

    TimW MajorGeeks Administrator - Jedi Malware Expert Staff Member

    roflmao
     
    TimW, Jul 10, 2011
    #20
  21. Fred_G

    Fred_G Heat packin' geek


    Who said mods don't have a sense of humor...

    roflmao
     
    Fred_G, Jul 10, 2011
    #21
  22. dyamond

    dyamond Imelda Marcos of Majorgeeks

    Speak for yourself :p :-D
     
    dyamond, Jul 10, 2011
    #22
  23. Phantom

    Phantom Brigadier Britches

    That pic. made me literally LoL.
    Thanks Mimsy!.:-D
     
    Phantom, Jul 10, 2011
    #23
  24. Rikky

    Rikky Wile E. Coyote - One of a kind

    I'm gonna start a new religion,this one will offer 142 virgins in return for martyrdom. :) Let the market decide.

    Oh and 10% off a Denny's.
     
    Rikky, Jul 11, 2011
    #24
  25. Fred_G

    Fred_G Heat packin' geek

    Hey Rikky, how about we partner up, and open The Church of The Last Resort, we can meet on Friday or Saturday nights, have a few pints then pass the plate. We would be tax free in the states anyway. :-D:-D
     
    Fred_G, Jul 11, 2011
    #25
  26. Rikky

    Rikky Wile E. Coyote - One of a kind

    I dunno 'church of the last resort' sounds so final,I was thinking of just putting a banner up "144 virgins and 10% off at Denny's" then once they have a foot in the door let the salesmen work there magic.:)

    Martyr's are like dates you can't just strap 10lbs of ball bearings and explosive on your date without some small talk first.

    :-D
     
    Rikky, Jul 11, 2011
    #26
  27. Fred_G

    Fred_G Heat packin' geek

    Not a bad idea Rikky, but my church has cold beer. :-D
     
    Fred_G, Jul 11, 2011
    #27

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