My Mother

My mother passed away on Christmas Day. We got the call at 10:00 am, went down the care-home, and three hours later she was gone. She was 82.
It wasn't a shock, she's been going downhill for over a year with dementia, osteoporosis, breathing problems etc, and on days when she was somewhat lucid she had hinted about wanting us to end her life, but of course that couldn't be done. Even if assisted suicide was legal, Mom wouldn't have been a candidate because she wasn't of sound mind.
Everyone grieved, yet we all said the same thing, our mother/ grandmother/ wife left us a long time ago. Dementia is terrible. All the other ailments she suffered with were compounded by the fact that she didn't know what was happening to her. Anytime she was hopitalised mom thought she had been abandoned by my dad so he could go off and have a good time. This was very hard on him. The last couple of months at the home she was downright nasty to him, but again, that wasn't her. There was no reasoning with her.
I haven't been to a funeral in thirthy years, and now I've been to two in a month. I suspect there will be a lot more now that friends and relative are getting up there in age, and I know all my friends parents very well. I'm the first of my group of friends to lose a parent.
We managed to have a good Christmas, and because all family were in town at the time everyone was there to say goodbye.

 

A sad way to finish up for your mother but at least her struggle with dementia has ended.
At least it was not like my grandmother who had a stroke and was found about five minutes too early. Another five minutes she would have died but instead she was resuscitated by the ambulance dudes and then she lay in hospital totally paralysed for another eight years. When she finally died she weighed only 30kg. Her mind was normal but she could only communicate by fluttering her eyelids. In the 1980s you could not ask for life support to be turned off and to see someone you love die like this is heartbreaking.

Condolences to you and your family and also sad it happened on Christmas day as now every future Christmas will have her death overshadowing what should be a happy day... at least you get some consolation knowing it was better for her to pass away than suffering all her medical complications.
Best wishes for the future.

 

Sorry to hear that, Sibeer. Hang in there, bud - our thoughts are with you...

 

very hard way when they go that way and just terrible going nrough it. Very sorry fo you loss but to many its time to let them go. I am 28 dad died 2 yrs ago from ms. Dad and us suffered over 8 yrs in nursing home. Let alone 2 yr in home. That drew me to making the choice to put him in. Very hard

 

Dementia is an evil thing. Sorry for your loss.

 

It is always hard to loose a loved one and especially under such traumatic circumstances.
My mother past away 4 years ago,she was 81 and active to the end when she just dropped dead from a huge heart attack so she did not suffer and for that i am grateful.
please accept my deepest condolences to you and your family.

 

My condolences sibeer! My Mother passed last May after a long fight with cancer. This is never easy.

 

Sorry to hear that Sibeer, it's never easy to watch a loved one fade away.
My Father in law has been battling pancreatic Cancer this last 5 months and finally stopped fighting on Sunday morning just passed, he would have been 67 today. Hardest thing I've ever had to witness and seeing my wife and son and family hurt so much just tears me apart knowing there is nothing I can do.
But we live on as strong and well as we can, if for nothing else than to honour them.
Keep your head strong and your heart full. You have my deepest condolences.

 

I've been trying to think of something to say all day, so I'll give it my best shot. I cannot imagine how much this whole thing has hurt you, although I'm quickly learning with my dad. It sounds like you've got the right attitude about this, at least in that you know your mom hasn't been herself for a very long time, and you've long since started the grieving process for what once was. Which is not to say it doesn't hurt, not at all, although I'm sure you know that. I am very sorry for your loss, both the one that came in bits and pieces as her health declined and the final one on Christmas. May whatever you believe in give you great comfort, and let the memories of earlier, better times sustain you through your grief.

And Nedlamar...the same to you, my friend. I am very glad you got to have one last good day with your father-in-law before he finally lost his battle.

May you see God's light on the path ahead
when the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear, even in your hour of sorrow,
the gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness never turn your heart to stone.
May you always remember when the shadows fall you do not walk alone.

 

Thanks folks. I appreciate the thoughts. We're pretty much back to normal. There wasn't a sudden tragedy to weigh us down. I'll have to spend a bit more time with my dad.
Based on the replies here, some of you have faced worse, so my condolences to those of you.
We had a New Years Eve party planned at our house in honour of my sister-in-law's fiftieth birthday which was also Dec 31th, which was the day of mum's funeral. We talked it over with my family and decided the party would be a good thing, and they all came over for it.
Ended up being a memorable New Year's.