Outsourcing the Presidency

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of January10th, 2006.

The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant" stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay" Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus eleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President as of January 10th, 2006. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem because Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work" stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years" Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent, tough and in-touch.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Walmart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile.

Another possibility is Bush's reenlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit he once made to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop....

 

There'll be tears before bed time....

Political and religious threads always do.



Just wanted to say that...before the bun fight starts

 

Too funny!!!


-Steve

 

We might be better off, they go to work more often.

 

Yeah, but do you want your pres. reading from a script, then growing quiet when asked a question he doesn't comprehend? Only to have said pres. go back to his script until another question is asked...its a viscious cycle

 

um... i cant work out if your taking the rise or not, rofl

 

I think corporate retards that outsource should be banned from re-entering the country.

Clear enough?

 

this is G W Bush we're talking about??

 

No, thats the theoretical outsourced president we are talking about there.

Guess you would have to work with India on a close basis to understand the sarcasm in that comment

 

I can hear it now...

Head of Joint Chiefs of Staff: "No Mr. Singh, I said don't do anything sudden, NOT push the red button.

.....

You already pushed it? We need the abort codes.

....

No, they're NOT in your scripts, they're in a locked briefcase.

.....

I'm NOT being vulgar. I said briefcase, not beefcake.

.....

Mr. Singh, I don't CARE if you wear boxers, we need the briefcase urgently.

....

No, you CAN'T put me on hold again.

.......................................................

Mr. Singh? Mr. Singh! MR. SINGH!

.......................................................

Oh bloody hell. Head everybody into the fallout shelter!

 

I think Adrynalyne is going to India on his holidays.


Free blueberry squishes for everyone.

 

Awesome! bring back some kashmiri curry for me Adryn, and I'll drop down to AZ for my vacation later this year to get it

 

That already happens now, what's the difference?

 

Pffft. Had a friend go down there to train India techs. Got sick with a ton of stuff--not a good place to go with that in mind.

 

yup...Deli-belly...it's a killer

 

I would never eat or drink anything in India if I could help it. (or most of Asia for that matter)

Apparently it doesn't affect the locals who have built up immunity to all the bugs.

 

Actually the spices are very curative.....hence why they use them. So if you eat anything bad, you're eating the antidote at the same time

 

Actually, I think the spices give you diarrhoea so the bugs and germs are expelled faster.

This explains why I've never been sick from my or my mums cooking.

 

What spices do you and your mom use on bugs and germs?

 

Mum doesn't cook for me anymore.

I use cumin, lime juice, de-seeded chile, and crushed garlic.


Tonight I'm eating chicken wings marinated in honey, soy and fish sauce, then cooked on a very hot ridge grill.

Serve with smashed potatoes and a salad. YUMO.

 

That's what they all say!

So that makes the bugs and germs taste batter?

 

You are missing the best part

 

No, the best part is the bugs and the germs....















I refusre to let this joke rest till somebody acknowledges it.

 

I'll do the painful thing, and acknowledge it

I guess if you cook them in milk and flour they will taste batter, yes

 

Finally! Thanks Lev.

I don't know, ask Insomniac, he's the one who cooks the things.

 

Just back at MG after 2 weeks off line at work. Loved the original thread. LMAO. Aussies get plenty of out-sourced calls, as well. I just ask them to put me onto someone I can understand, or politely hang up. If I am cheesed off with this type of call, I ask them to hang on for a moment while I answer the door and leave the phone off the hook for 10 minutes or so. This wastes some of their time and money and reduces the number of calls they are scheduled to make. Bazza

 

Good to see you back safe and sound Bazza.

Steve

 

If I get unsolicited calls, I just read out several chapters or psalms from the New Testament.

I never hear from them again.

 

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! I just about lost my mind trying to get a situation resolved with Tracfone last month. All their support is in India, and while the lady was kind and patient, she did not understand what I was telling her (or maybe she just had no common sense?). I had ordered a phone and they had a special offer that cost just a little more for the overnight shipping, so I took it. They charged me the extra cost, but they still sent the phone ground. The lady kept telling me that she had no proof that I ordered it overnight, because according to her records it was sent ground. I told her that the proof was that I was BILLED for overnight. She kept saying, "but it says here that it was shipped ground". OF COURSE IT WAS SENT GROUND, THAT'S WHY I'M CALLING TO COMPLAIN! I WAS BILLED FOR OVERNIGHT!! "But it was shipped ground". This went on and on, and I finally asked for a supervisor. They ended up reinbursing me 10 extra minutes for my cost, but that's barely as many minutes as I would have gotten for the money. Plus, I always but the bigger amounts because they're a better value. It was lousy.


Oops, this is Cindy. I didn't realize I was on Eric's desktop *blush*

 

Thing is, even if you can understand them, they can't understand YOU.

Their accents are fine to me, but I worked closely with them for 3 years, providing techs with answers they were too stup...no stubborn to look up themselves. They sound perfectly clear to me now.

Of course, their accent was never my problem. Their inability to use parts of their brains that control higher thinking is what ticked me off. Anyone can be taught to read a script.

 

I think you love Indian tech support Adrynalyne.


Goodness gracious me, empty your temp folders while I make a curry.

 

Talk about not understanding accents......... Half the thime this ole redeck don't know what you Aussies and Brits are even writing about.

Jack

 

What do you mean you don't understand?

Me and ma homies were just gettin jiggy wiv it.