Please post your funnies here .

Bubba and Earl were in a local bar enjoying a beer when they decided to get
in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn each had won a prize.
Earl won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and
extra-long spaghetti.

Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood
bar for a couple of beers.

Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied,
"Great, I love spaghetti!"

Earl asked Bubba, "How about you? How's the toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba. "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

 

Subject: church


A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."


The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband obviously very depressed.


"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain."


"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

 

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?

"Are you nuts?" she replies. And she keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again: "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for 10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and "H-m-m-m 10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they went to the alley and she takes off her blouse and bra to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he goes berserk and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them, squeezing them, burying his face in them....but not biting them.

In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?"



"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much."