quandary

I`ve a bit of a quandary, the ex is in serious financial trouble, due mostly to failing health and a skewed social service system. I`m not in a position where I can supply serious help to her, but maybe a little. My problem is that while legally I`m not required to lend her assistance, I feel that as she`s the mother of my grown children that perhaps maybe I`d better. It`s not a matter of how I`d be perceived if I didin`, I never really did give a rat`s a** what anyone thought of me or my actions. I subscribe to the golden rule thing so that`s not it. The thing that really bunches up my sponge-bob boxers is the fact that if you come from another country with 5 kids, work illegaly, and have about 5 more kids, our system takes care of you but if you were born and raised here in the States and encounter some troubles you`re hosed. I suppose I`ll probably help her as much as I can, I`d like to think if I were in a jam and she could she`s help me. Any thoughts? I need input. Thanks.

 

I think you've already answered your own questions The system stinks but you have to suck it up. You already know in your heart the right thing to do for the mother of your children is to help, even if it's only a few bucks a week or a listening ear on the phone. If you're still in any doubt, ask your kids what they would have you do But I think you already know the answer to that too....

 

Lev said it very well. I agree with her.
Gal

 

Uh, the "system" seems to have taken care of your brother and sister, right?

 

You should help if you believe it is the right thing to do. Lev brought up the good point of asking your children for their opinions. Tis' the season to give.

 

Took good care of Rick but Teresa coulda been treated better.

I`ve asked the kids...they said even though she crapped in my corn flakes I`m me, and I should prolly help if I don`t I`ll feel like crap. They`re prolly right...thanks folks.

 

I always thought my ex had crapped in my cornflakes, as you put it. He did. But from his point of you, I crapped in his cornflakes too! And I did (once I was honest with myself about it). So we put all the crapping aside and figured it was easier to pass the milk and actually enjoy the cornflakes....if you get my drift Sasquatch

 

@ Sasquatch: You can come off somewhat rough around the edges sometimes, but there's obviously a real heart in there. Helping others is always uplifting.

@ Lev: I'll probably remember your cornflakes while eating breakfast tomorrow. With skim milk, thank God.

 

ROFL ...too funny

 

@Lev...thanks...good point.


@G.T...rough around the edges may be a bit kind at times lmao,but thanks about the heart thing.

 

Hey, man.....................you've always impressed me (a really old man) with your heart and insight into the right thing to do. I have and have had a similar problem. I know where you're coming from.

 

I think you already know the answer by now, Sas. Help her, but don't make yourself broke over it, i.m.o.

My 'Ex', and others, have fertilized my cornflakes so much, I can't even see the bowl anymore, but it doesn't stop me from caring at the end of the day, both for her, and certainly for our children. Maybe you are of similar mind?

If the bitter experiences of life have taught me one thing, it's that bitterness doesn't suck life out of those that have done wrong; it sucks it out of you, and those that are close to you, i.m.h.o.

 

So true. My divorce case ran for 8 years, and between child support and "temporary" maintenance to my ex I spent over $100,000 dollars in mandatory support. And still bought my son shoes and whatever when he needed them, above and beyond what was mandated. Had to rent a room from my parents for quite a while as I didn't make enough to support THEM and live on my own, which I did not like. My ex managed to warp my son into hating me, and today he has nothing to do with me. But I don't resent what I did. I did my best and have no regrets over my choices and my behavior. Even though things didn't work out the way I wanted them too, I feel nothing but good about the things I could do and control. Not regrets.

 

Bitterness hasn`t ever really been a part of our parting, at least not for me , for a long time we weren`t happy together so it was the right move. I suppose I knew right off that I`d help her if I could even in a small way. it`s the OUR children thing that made me realize it was so. When we split we did the moderator thing...cost us a bunch for that(we split it)but in the long run it saved us thousands in lawyer`s fees and court costs. I know that sometimes I may come off as a hard-a**, especially in my political views or in how I may say we should deal with a murderer or a rogue country committing atrocities and genocide, but like I`ve said it`s that golden rule thing. Thank you all for your advice and input...I`m gonna do what I can to help. I surely ain`t gonna give up my trip north ice-fishing so she can eat steak insteada hamburger though.