Ring of fire....

Honestly, eating chili dogs and then having a bowl of raisin bran was not the best of ideas last night.

I'm literally on fire hurting so bad, i could melt the one ring to rule them all faster than the volcanic ducts of Mordor.

:fart :crap

 

Just a weird combo with the raising bran and chili dog. :-D






















But theres always soft toilet paper

 

Question now is::confused
Are you going to do that again?:-D
:wave

 

No kidding!!! Someone lock the thread...? :eek

 

motc7, this ones for you :-D

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're definitely going to $h!t yourself" chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your a$$ cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2". Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down", if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable "Oh my God", floating above the toilet seat because my *** is burning SO BAD, purging. ; One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and Awe". He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "Sonofabitch!", then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem."

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

:-D:-D:-D

 

And I thought this might be about Tectonic plate movement rolleyes. - Definitely, T.M.I. LOL
Remember - even the Chili Chihuahua can over-indulge. :yum

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g309/Zobor/2010_New/nomore.gif

Question: What possessed you to eat bran after eating chili? :confused

 

It's not that hard...

1. chilidog = dinner
2. Raisin Bran = dessert

You know, yeah very probably.

 

roflmaoroflmaoroflmao

Sikvik,

Sure am glad I live on a different continent from you!!

What a story.:-D:-D:-D

 

loool I was thinking volcano's but I guess in a way... :-D

 

oh come on. I'll bet you got a good fart story. Have a go.

 

Can't... Resist...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRlj5vjp3Ko


:-D roflmao

 

I just never ate cereal with chili dog. Never seen someone do it.. I mean anything else would sound better with it..Also I think we all probably have a :crap story to tell from our lives. I wont go into details but I remember I was sick and obviously when sick you puke and poop when bad.. Both ends at the same time. Anyways my sister thought it be funny to hide in the bathroom for long time doing make up as kid and me being younger then her.. I yelled for mom and finally I got in... I go sit down(didn't lock the door) Iam on the toilet and bam she opens the door to the bathroom on me. Now as a kid I want the door shut..and I reach for the door while she holding it open.. with pants down.. and I begin to feel the feeling of (not so good stuff coming) so I go to make it on the toilet .. and missed the aim.. and went on my pants.. I threw em away ashamed that I did and knew my sister would make fun of me.. SO later I come out and mom said why you changed pants? So sister goes looks in bottom of trash and found em :-o:-o

 

No no no. I didn't eat the two simultaneously. ffs.

I had the hot dog entree, then separately went and fixed raisin bran for dessert.

 

OMG! what on gods green earth posessed you to follow hot stuff with fibre? :tas

 

Amateur


"I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2". "

I was driving to Galgary after a couple or cups and I had to go. Problem was I was on the bald-*** prairie and 30 miles from the next one horse town. By the time I got there I was kind of laying straight in the drivers seat because I couldn't bend at the waist any more. I got out at the busy gas station, and not wanting to look desperate, I filled my tank first. I hobbled in to pay because now I could hardly walk, ( I faked like my knee was bothering me, again so I didn't look desperate) and asked for the key to the restroom. The guy told me it was out already and to go around and wait. So waited outside the door, and waited and waited. I was considering going behind the dumpter when I heard the flush from within. The door opened and out came the most horrible stench, followed by the guy who made it. He looked guilty and said, "Sorry, I've got a stomach flu."
I had no choice I had to go in.

 

:-D:cry

 

Slow news day? :confused

What a sh#$$y thread . . . LOL

 

Did no one ever tell you chili is twice as hot when it comes out as when it goes in.
http://bestsmileys.com/toliot/1.gif

 

The good news is that the chemical that makes chili hot, capsaicin, is supposed to be SUPERBLY effective against prostate cancer. (Both prevention and treatment, if I understand correctly)

I don't want cancer of any sort, but especially, NOT THERE! :-D

Pass the chili dogs!!

 

roflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmaoroflmao OMG that is one the funniest stories I've ever heard. Probably not funny at the time but oh so funny now :-D

 

Hey, lookie who's back. I'm not sure about capsaicin but I am sure about 'saw palmetto' in my case. Mine was enlarged and the doc gave me a pharma Rx which I never bought. After three months of of the 'saw', I knew it was working and when I went back to the doc he said it was OK. Then I told him about the 'saw'. BTW, I was not cancerous so that's why I went the herb way. My life, my choice. Do not do what I did!:-D

 

Bumping due to the fact that a good farting thread should be on the front page. Increases traffic. :cool

The other night, I decided to have a big ole bowl of chips and picante sauce. Yeah, farted for 3 straight days.

 

Just came off a 3 week fast. First two weeks, no meat. Last 7 days, no food other than light crackers.

I broke the fast yesterday with tacos and homemade chile sauce. Then i polished it off with a Whataburger and a chocolate shake.

I'm hurting.

 

Not chili, as in beef chili...chile...as in homemade hot sauce from my Mexican father in law.

 

you're gonna pay for that now mista....

:boxing:boxing:ban:kissmy

 

Watch out. :eek
He's reaching for the chili and doesn't look afraid to use it.:-D:-D:-D

 

hmmm.... I'm glad I don't eat chilli or hot spices... my bum thanks me..:-D :-D :-D

Shelagh

 

Too bad for you pal. :major You supposed to drink milk to pacify the burning taste of chili's.