Short rant..

well two rants really
First my mother ran our cell phone bill up $207 on call charges where she went over the mins so about the 23rd of last month i had her post date verizon a check for $207 (the amount she ran up) for the first of this month Well it seems she forgot about that and its been on hold by the bank and just cleared last night so it made her over drawn because she forgot about it when she wrote out her bills. So now she is saying i did that without her knowing, that i took her check book and did it last night! when she allowed me to do it and it took place last month two weeks ago over the phone in front of her. things like this has started to happen with her. shes been forgetting stuff she has done or said and i am starting to worry that something might be wrong with her. before she left for the docs today said called me mam and i said "mam?" she said "Thats right you better go in there and squat and pee because your no man" My soon to be is biting her lip to keep from saying anything my mother is living in our house not hers and shes treating us so bad and now this. i am lost at what to do.

Okay rant two..
i am paying $400 rent where i live and a extra $50 for the landlord to keep up the yard well last month the yard was not mowed once and none of the trees or bushes trimmed so i did not add the $50 to the rent and well he called today saying he just left the bank (Mind you i paid him afew days ago) he went to put the money in and he waited till he got there to count it and it was only $400 and he wanted to know when he could come by and get the other $50rolleyes

 

Oh dear, so sorry to hear that about your mom. It won't get any easier either. Hang in there bud.

 

Hi NJ :wave

Alzheimers is a vile disease, and yes it's best to get your Mum to have a check up with the Doctor a.s.a.p. Try and attend with her or as TimW said at least pre-notify the clinic of your concerns. Does she seem aware of the effect her words are having? Have either of you noticed more lucid periods with her awareness?

The most important thing to remember right now is this - She is your Mum, you and her have been together and through a lot for a long time. Right now she most likely is unaware that she is causing distress to you and your S.O. don't take everything to heart, unfortunately Augie is also spot on, it is not going to get easier, from personal experience, in the last 5 years of my Grandmother's life, she didn't even recognise me.

paramonks

 

Oh, NJ, I hope you can get her into her Dr.. I doubt if things will get any easier... Your gf is biting her tongue now, and that isn't easy, but your Mom needs help.. Do hang in there, I know it is hard.

 

I'm sorry to here this NJ but everyone is pretty much right plus, if she has been under a lot of stress this will happen as well. I personally haven't seen it but my doc told me a while back that stress can cause a lot of strange things to happen to a person. She as well could be having Mini strokes . My mother had one while driving but didn't know it until a few years later when her doctor told her when they ran some test. She was aware of where she was while driving then the next thing she knew she happen to be heading right for a semi (T-Bone style) on a side street(no injuries). Once she looked around and seen where she was it scared her. She made an excuse up to my brother who was living with her in fear they would take her license away. She only had the one memory of not remembering things(if that makes sense) but the doc said there were several tiny signs of her having more then just one mini stroke. I hope that's not the case with your mom.

As far as your landlord, Exactly what TimW said.

 

That sucks NJ. Life can be cruel. Dementia is a tough thing, but remember, it is the disease saying things like that, not your Mom. They have come a long way with medication and such since my Grandfather had Parkinsons and Alzheimers, hopefully the docs can help. And perhaps it is another problem that is not as bad.

Will keep you in my prayers. :grouphug

 

Thanks everyone for the advice.. I did not say she had anything or are y'all saying she might?

 

NJ, all we are saying, since none of us are DR's, but most of us have been thru this sort of thing, take her in and get her checked... The symptoms definitely point to something, and before you and your gf go nuts with "you took my checkbook" etc., get her a good through check up.. Maybe it is nothing, maybe it is the beginning of Alzheimers or Dementia even, but for sure, she needs a check up...And also, someone to go with her, as she can just tell the Dr. she is fine, nothing is wrong.. But, those memory lapses are the beginning of something, my friend......

 

It is a common symptom. Could also be a drug interaction, or other things. the best thing is to get her to see a Doctor. And, as stated before, let them know about the behavior before she goes. Might be a bit awkward to say that in front of her, because she may have no recollection of saying it...

 

That's right, you didn't say that she did have anything.

Here are two questions that you should ask yourself then.

1. Is my Mother's behaviour typical of her? 2. Does she normally speak to and treat me this way?

Your answer to those questions should help you to determine if your Mum has a health related issue at present.

paramonks

 

Excellent reply Paramonks.

 

I am sorry to hear of your bad times NJ,we are going through a similar period right now.
My wife's father is 94 year old and was fully active until he was 91, then he started to get sick and has been a real pain to us from then on.
He is Laurettes dad and he is loved by us all but the frustration of not being active has sent him a bit off track, he has said some really bad things "we are thieves and child abusers also Laurette wishes him dead just for his money and house,It has broken her heart, so i can sympathize with your dillema.

He is in hospital at the moment and is not expected to live for very long and last night (tuesday) we got a phone call from the hospital to say he was near the end and wanted to see us.
The first thing he managed to say was sorry for the hard time he had give us then he drifted off again.
At this moment those were the last words we heard from him and we are now at home for a couple of hours before we return.
I am not trying to hijack your thread NJ but just to make a point that there could be some underlying cause for your moms behavior.

 

Before I moved to the US I worked with elderly men and women with Alzheimer's and dementia (I was a full-time helper a nursing home). It's not easy to watch your parents or any other loved one go through it. The thing to remember is, it's not really them... the health situation they are in is affecting their brain to the point where the person that you know and love isn't always there.

If it is caught in time, and a doctor is brought in early on, medication and skilled medical help can lessen the impact and make interaction easier. Most importantly, it will make her more comfortable... imagine for a moment that you are gradually, bit by bit, losing your grip on reality, just slowly enough that you realize it's happening. It's a terrifying experience, that makes people lash out at everyone and anyone around them.

And Fred is right. She may not even be aware that she said these hurtful things. She might not even have been aware of it at the time she said them.

The sooner you can get your mother the medical help she needs, the easier it will be for everyone of you. If nothing else, the last thing you want is your girlfriend/fiancee to lose her patience to the point where she can't keep quiet anymore...

 

I suspect your mother isn't old enough to think about dementia, stress will cause you to forget. These are stressful times.
There comes a time when children become adults and adults living together will always cause disputes no matter how much you care for each other.

 

@ Mimsy, you put that so well.. You have seen this first hand... Kudos to you, girl, that couldn't have been easy... I watched my own Dr., when he retired, he went into a nursing home and he didn't even know us.. 60 years of medical practice, delivered over 3000 babies, and didn't even remember his own name. Yes, it is slow, and it leaves only the shell of the person we knew.....

 

Just wanted to leave a update.. the $^&* hit the fan when we got back from lake park from the funeral turns out while we was gone she went into my SO's stuff and found her book where shes been writing down everything thats been happening to keep a log and my mother went off the deep in and so some family is coming from Fl to pick my mom up and leaving me and Amanda here with a $300 light bill that mymother never paid like she said and so the lights are being turned off MONDAY!! with me and Amanda not a dime in our name (Her dad paid for the trip down to the funeral) Me on SSI and Amanda unable to work there's nothing we can do but prey and i see if i can truly not work or if i can but by then it will be too late. With what they say i have it will be vary hard to get a job. The only job that i can get right now is because of a friend (hes manager) is at Advance Auto Parts and its only part time 15-20hours a week at $8 a hour and that will be less than the SSI check!! I will need atleast $300 to get everything sort and give me time till the first to get everything i need in order and come up with another income of some sort. I need to know if i can work with that check and if i can what the limits are.....

 

And this is where you blackmail your mother. Lay on the guilt, do the "if you were any sort of decent parent at all"-spiel, hurt her feelings beyond repair if you have to... but don't ever let anyone, especially not your parents, treat you like a door mat. And if that doesn't work, re-align the cross-hairs to target your father. Whoever buries you in shit up to your neck is obligated to dig you out, it doesn't matter who they are. Force them to do it.

 

just an example here, check out sites through the gov, there are a lot of one time only help with payments. Also call like Laura said and see if you can work out a payment plan for that amount.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2046813_get...ce=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art

 

heres another that lists red cross and ahhh Bank of America but they might want you first born in return