Sorry I Disappeared, I'm Back!

It's a long story, so I'll post it in bullets. I hope everyone else is okay? Please check in and tell me you are?

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● On 6/26 I have surgery to remove 3 grade 4 Hemorrhoids. They were extremely dangerous, and recovery did not go well. That's pain I can't even describe.

● I was still recovering when on 7/1 I got the call. My dad's cat caused him to fall. He was on the floor for 3 hours before help came, and he was taken to Ithaca Memorial. Standard procedure to see if he suffered any head trauma in the fall, they did an MRI. The found a 6cm tumor in the right occipital region of his brain.

● He was transferred to Arnot Ogden Medical Center in Elmira (Because WHY, I asked them to send him to Syracuse, Elmira is 2 hours away!) and he was in rough shape. Hallucinating, talking gibberish, no short-term memory at all, but long term was completely intact. No sense of time and place though. Seeing dragons, telling the staff about it. That's how I got Proxy.

● On 7/4 I made the Journey to Elmira so I could be there when they removed the tumor. It took several hours, but the surgery was successful. I became Proxy and I signed the MOLST. That was not my favorite. I will also become Durable POA as soon as I can get the paperwork and a notary together.

● In the meantime, two situations had arisen. My dad's house was not safe/accessible for him to return to and my 16yo sister had no supervision.

● My family and I rearranged the entire trailer, to clear the living room and painted, gutted, washed it. We painted, ripped out the carpet, laid another, and my brother rebuilt all of the wood joints/floor around the front door which were badly water damaged. He also fixed a water main break and nailed down the siding, which is so warped it came back up. We flea bombed the premises.

● I drove to Cortland in a tornado to file for emergency custody of my sister. I arranged (begged) for supervision during the week so she could attend summer school, and I had her on the weekends until court on 7/17 in which I was granted temporary custody. This is expected to become permanent on 8/14.

● My dad was transferred to Van Duyn Center for Rehabilitation and Nursing in Syracuse, NY. Do not send your loved ones there. The very first night he was there, nobody checked on him, or brought him his medications. He was soiled and unable to get up and sat there in soiled linens, wreaking of vinegar, for 18 hours before I came back to see him. When I found him that way I stripped and washed him/his bed myself, dragged a nurse in, MADE them sterilize his bed/get him fresh clothes, and filed a formal complaint. Twice. It's been up and down since then, but I do not appreciate the facility and dad states it's only 90 days and won't let me put in for the lateral transfer.

● I go to see him every night, and bring things he needs/wants for his morale. He's lost nearly 75% use of his hands and 50% of his eyes since the surgery, but cognitively he is back to normal. He's working really hard at his mobility.

● Meantime I'm taking all the steps to create a safe and happy STABLE place for my sister and get her into services. I did an intake for initial appointment at Hutchings, I contacted the Salvation Army about CPST and OLP services, I called the director of Special Education at West Genny, who I've been working with for 20 years, and asked her to please take this case personally because we need to start from scratch, the 504 is all wrong and there needs to be an IEP. We're decorating/rearranging the extra room, so she has a safe space. I've been keeping tabs on her interactions with her mother, who I will not discuss.

● All of this is me and my brother though. He's the handy man, he does all the things I can't. Financially, emotionally, legally is all me at the moment. My roommate is the driver. He's pretty burnt too, we've put 2000 miles on, and cracked the muffler on our car in all this. My brother will help if I need him to, but I want him to focus on his baby daughter and I'm a certified bad ass, so I'm doing as much by myself as I need. I've started to refer to myself as the Don of the Ussery Family, as I am the head of 3 different families, right now. Plus, it's funny.

● Today I get to see My Stepson. I'm picking him up from the train, he just got back from deploy to Poland. I'm taking all 7(?!) of my kids to Darien Lake and spending the night in Niagara tomorrow. Me, Stepson, Daughter & Husband, sister, and my sons. This was planned 3 or 4 months ago. I hope someone goes to see dad while I'm away. He really likes Wegman's food, and he wants spicy gumdrops.

● My plate is full. I could really use some support though, tell me that I'm pretty and I'm doing good, as often as you possibly can. Just... I need support. I don't have any over here, it's just me. My dad has a fundraiser if anyone wants to participate, but i'll only post it if you ask for it personally.

That is literally only 40% of the story, but that is ENOUGH. I love and miss everyone, i hope you have an amazing day.

 

My prayers are with you. I can only hope you come out of this stronger.

 

It's still ongoing, in that now I have to move all of my sister's life and merge it into my family - which admittedly is not going great. I'm still taking care of my dad every day, and he's not doing good. He's not in peril but he's not living his best life. And I tried to save a kitten with flea anemia, but I was too late. Not only that, but he bit me, so I had to send him to the DEC and wait on rabies results. It's just been a really long month and it feels like no good deed goes unpunished.

So, the horrors persist. Yet so do I.

 

Hello Wenchie,

It has been about three years since I last logged in at Major Geeks, and the first thing I saw was your post.
I have been thinking of you off and on since I saw that two days ago.
I hope that things get better for you, your dad and your sister.
You have been persistent and resilient. It's about time for some good things to come your way.

 

Hang in there, girl! I've found over the course of my long life that God won't put more on your plate than you can actually handle. It just seems sometimes that the plate has turned into a huge platter. Thoughts and prayers.

 

My plate is a whole ass buffet. I wish I could attract Lotto Winnings the way I do chaos.

 

Your plate is certainly overflowing! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hope you can catch a couple of breaks!

I have been busy as well, but not even close to your league.

 

Unfortunately, my father passed on 8/9 after he was taken to the hospital with acute MSRA related pneumonia. Yesterday I won full custody of my sister, and this weekend I'm cleaning out the trailer so, hypothetically, there's a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm sure there will be another one, but whatever.

 

I need people outside of this house, and something to do that isn't a task. I need fun. I need friends.

I think most of the worst of it is past *knock on wood* now that it's mostly over, I'm just dealing with my sister-daughter's severe anxiety and how it's negatively impacting school (Her new school is 1400 students, two floors, and city block end to end, her old one was 400 students). That's a lot. My dad's celebration of life is on the 5th, and my brother has to figure out what to do with the car, then I should be mostly out from under it.

 

Wow! I've been gone a while with a few things going on that's kept me otherwise occupied - and today with some free time, thought I'd check out other sites - so looked in on MajorGeeks. Wenchie, I'm so sorry to read what you've been going through and hopefully, now things are starting to brighten up for you. You certainly have my admiration for how you're managing to handle things. Al the best. Cheers LS

 

Thanks. I wouldn't say they're brightening much, but they've started to hit a new stride. It's not an amazing one.

My dad's celebration of life is on 10/5 and planning that has been exhausting and frustrating while trying to acclimate and stabilize my sister. Haven't quite made it, I still have quite a lot of contacts per day with both schools, as my youngest son is also extremely special needs. But I'm hopeful it will even out soon. I'm just emotionally exhausted and I'm not able to earn an income because of it at the moment which is very frustrating.

But! Soon I hope to get my vehicle license (I just plain never got it, I had men for that) and then start working again. After that I'll at least be stable, and can start working on some positive things for the future.

 

That is a lot to have to deal with for any one Wenchie. I hope you're doing better now, and wish you strength for your fathers' "celebration of life" day. May you attract more good luck than chaos next year.