Thoughts for the day

Calltaker · Oct 15, 2007

I get a weekly e-mail from a nurse who has made a business out of reminding those in health care to laugh on a regular basis so as not to go totally nuts. I just wanted to share a couple with you all as I figured geeks need humor too

New Rules for 2007, according to George Carlin

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain, Trout?

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the Jerk. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're really a Jerk!

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If you do, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
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and

Interesting FACTS OF LIFE

1.Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.
2.Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3.Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
4.If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
5.My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
6.Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
7.It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
8.For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
9.If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
10.Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
11.No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
12.A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
13.Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
14.Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
15.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
16.Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
17.Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
18.You should not confuse your career with your life.
19.The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

20.The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
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Have a great day!!

~C

Grumbles · Oct 15, 2007

Thanks for these interesting thoughts, Calltaker

The one that stood out for me was :

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

:drink

G

legalsuit · Oct 15, 2007

Calltaker (extract from post) said: ↑

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.~C
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roflmao So men don't worry about different parts of a female anatomy...oh, okay then

Calltaker (extract from post) said: ↑

20.The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
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Amen!

dyamond · Oct 15, 2007

Very funny! These were my personal favorites!

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
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roflmao

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Why do people use months?

2.Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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I say this all the time LOL

15.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
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How true! This has happened to me so many times!! lol

17.Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
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Too funny for words!!

Phantom · Oct 15, 2007

legalsuit said: ↑

roflmao So men don't worry about different parts of a female anatomy...oh, okay then
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Sure we do, but the 'Unibrow' look in women means either, (a) she has had an accident, and maybe singed one eyebrow off, or (b) it goes across both eyebrows and is a very scary look, i.m.o. I know we're supposed to be descended from Cave-people, but do they need to be a living fossil - ugh! LOL

15.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
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Only all too true in my place. rolleyes But, on the other hand, every time there is a bulk rubbish collection service, I end up with more stuff than I throw out. Great having rich neighbours, but I think I should stop that habit, or buy a bigger house.

darlene1029 · Oct 15, 2007

Thanks Calltaker, he is a favorite, way back to when he was The Hippy Dippy Weatherman.

darlene1029 · Oct 15, 2007

Oh wow, found one, hope you don't mind Calltaker, funny guy -young guy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1uaw3WIOlc

legalsuit · Oct 15, 2007

Phantom (extract from quote) said: ↑

...Sure we do, but...the 'Unibrow' look in women...is a very scary look, i.m.o... I know we're supposed to be descended from Cave-people, but do they need to be a living fossil - ugh! LOL
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Okay ladies...we still need to keep up the yoga, gym work...good looking eyebrows just aren't enough! <sigh!...now that leg goes behind my neck...nope, yoga's out for me...back onto that rowing machine, nautilus machine, blah, blah, blah> rolleyes
roflmao

Phantom (extract from quote) said: ↑

...every time there is a bulk rubbish collection service, I end up with more stuff than I throw out....
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Aaah! "pack rat" huh?! I've now become merciless...St Vincent De Paul's now loves me...then it takes me a couple of days to get out of the habit of looking for stuff that's no longer thereLOL

chipper_atmacneil · Oct 15, 2007

Calltaker said: ↑

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the Jerk. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're really a Jerk!
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Ugh... I'm glad there's no Starbucks where I live. Hortons orders get complicated enough.

10.Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Yeah. I think we've figured that out by now. The other Mars/Venus thing is more fun, though.

19.The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

19. An unreserved ditto. Backbiting is an awful thing.

Chipper

sandfordk · Oct 15, 2007

HAHA, these are hilarious. All obvious facts to life, but not too many people actually look things like this.
This one is amazing, I am gonna start using this one.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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HAHA! And this one happens to me all the time. I will hang on to something for freakin every untill i decide to do a mass cleaning and throw out nearly everything. ONLY to find out a couple weeks later, "DOH! Why the hell did i throw that thing away, i KNEW i was gonna need it for something."

15.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
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This is one is just awesome...

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
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Calltaker · Oct 16, 2007

Glad I could bring a litle sunshine into your day

I always thought that George sounded a little like Tommy Chong when he did his Al routine..... but then again, maybe I was just high....LOL

~C

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Thoughts for the day

Calltaker MajorGeek

Grumbles Bamboozled Geek

legalsuit Legal Eagle

dyamond Imelda Marcos of Majorgeeks

Phantom Brigadier Britches

darlene1029 A Grand Lady- R.I.P. 06/06/2012

darlene1029 A Grand Lady- R.I.P. 06/06/2012

legalsuit Legal Eagle

chipper_atmacneil Private First Class

sandfordk Private E-2

Calltaker MajorGeek