Why God Created Children

this was a foward I got, and I thought it was cute enough to share

WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

"No Way!"

"Yes way!"

"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

"Why"

"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?


THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.



ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

 

hehe, that was cute

 

LOL.

 

I did like that, surprised myself. Nice one Wenchie

 

Hehe... which reminds me... How are the party plans coming?

Keep an eye out for a wandering FedEx driver this afternoon.

 

Fed-ex? oh gee, i wonder if I missed him, i've been running around all day getting things ready and i threw kay a school party. I sugared up an entire room of children i never have to see again... I'm proud of me.

i've gone through hell for this party and it better be awesome or im going to slit throats

 

Wenchie, it was supposedly left at the "recept/front desk",and signed for by a "M. Lasher".

Do you have a front desk at your building??? And/or a "M. Lasher"? If not, sounds like FedUp may have dumped it at the wrong place & I'll have to track it down. (Aw crap.) Let me know.

 

Good thing this WASN'T the original order of your words

But I am curious whose throats you have in mind

(and NO, Phantom, we do not need a graphic depiction of this one)

 

I thought it was God's vengeance for the torment and trouble our parents went through raising us

 

Well, I was going to slit throats if the two families didnt behave. I mean, you could tell neither of them wanted the other there, and kevins family kinda atood in the corner, but noone said anytihng nasty, and it went okay. It went pretty quick too, because everyone wanted to leave when the presents were over.

unfortunately about na hour later, josh got a call from work asking him not to come back, so it wasnt the best night.

But kay had a great day, and thats all that counts and now she has more dress up clothes than any little kid ever, and thats neat.

 

After the Wenche's comment about slit throats, you sure it was'nt signed
"I.M.A. Slasher"

 

Huh? WhadidIdo?... I haven't even beeen on-line all day.


@ Wenchie:- Glad Kay had a good time!

 

Nah, that would have been Wenchie herself, not the person at the front desk.

 

well to be honest, god didnt create children but thats just my two cents as they say

 

So, you think you have problems? Did God cut out the middle man, Adam?



'Miracle Babies' Shown to Media
The East African Standard
Posted to the web August 16, 2004
Evelyn Kwamboka
Nairobi
A 56 year-old woman, who claims to have given birth twice a year
yesterday on more than one occasion, defended Archbishop Gilbert
Deya's "miracle babies" mystery.
Mrs Eddah Odera who has given birth to 13 children in a span of five
years, said since the birth of her fourth born, she has been
conceiving without any sexual contact with her husband.
The children aged between five and two months old, play together at
their house in Nairobi's Komarock estate as they are monitored by two
nannies paid by Deya Ministries.
Cuddling her two months old baby, the frail looking woman said she
was carrying another one in her womb.
"I had reached menopause when we took one of our relatives to Deya's
office to be prayed for. It was then that I told I was carrying a
baby in my womb," she said.
The woman, who had a miscarriage 13 years before meeting Mrs Mary
Deya, was told that the baby was a live in her womb.
"At my age, I thought this was a joke because a woman in menopause
cannot conceive," she added.
Two weeks later, she started feeling movements of a baby in her womb
and gave birth to Daniel Wesonga on June 22, 1999.
The following year, she gave birth to three children with the first
one being on May 26, September 2 and 23 December.
"I was shocked because after giving birth to John Okoth (second
born), I felt some movements in my tummy two weeks later," she added.
When she went to hospital, doctors told her that they could not see
anything in the scanning report.
The pattern was the same with the following two children, forcing her
to stop sexual contact with her husband, Mr Michael Odera.
However, in January 10, 2001 the woman gave birth to a bouncing baby
boy whom he named Simon Siaw.
Seven months later, Rachel Achieng was born, followed by Paul Ochieng
on December 20.
In 2002, the Odera's had two more children (baby girls) with one born
on March 15 and the other on September 22.
This year, she has given birth to two children and another one is due
before the end of the year.
All the children born at Mama Lucy clinics in Nairobi's Eastlands
area are said to be having no health complications.
The Odera's were reacting to a story in yesterday's paper on UK
police investigating Deya's "miracle babies" saga.

 

Sounds like my friend Chrissi. She's got 3 kids under a year old! Well, at least until Friday, that is, when her daughter turns 1. She just had twins that showed up a couple of months early. Good news is that they're doing really well though. nearly 3 pounds each.

 

Sorry Kiwi, I forgot to really give an answer. it's been a hellish week and i've been trying to catch up.

Kahlyn's party went wonderfully, i mean minus the ambient aura of evil, Kevin's family crowded in a corner, the dollar store bag of presents her father got her, and his gorlfriend sitting in a room of my loved ones discussing her various mutated STD's. Yeah.. os minus all that and everyone leaving early to avoid everyone else, it was splendiferous. Kay got an assload of stuff, and they all stayed for cake, presents, and cleared out. Weeeeeee.

it was definately memorable. I'll be bleaching my brain to cleanse it of the memory as soon as i can figure out how.

 

"Lamentations of the Father"

Hey - if you need more rules for children...
and who doesn't?

Rules are good when children are bad. Yes, more rules. These should be posted in your home, spam your friends with this website link...

...sorry, got a little carried away there...

No really, this will make you smile. <----Like this happy fellow!

http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Lamfather.htm

 

Re: "Lamentations of the Father"

LOL! That's priceless.

 

Re: "Lamentations of the Father"

Thanks - makes me wish I wrote it myself but...

 

Hi All,
I'm new to Majorgeeks and I loved the original post by Wenchie. What a hoot !! I would love to send it to my "Mom" friends but I don't know how to just send the "Why God Created Children" and not everyone's response. I'm not very good with this computer stuff yet. Would someone please tell me how to e-mail just that part? Please speak slowly and use lttle words....
Thanks,
Sam
BTW.....I'm a lady "Sam".....nickname

 

you can take your cursor and highlight whatever you want emailed. to do that, you just left click and drag from the beginning of the message to the end of the message. (like you do in ms word). go to the edit menu and click "copy". then go to your favorite email editor (whether it'd be outlook or yahoo! webmail) and start up a new email. right click on the body portion of the email (where you put in "dear mary") and click on paste.

 

Thanks Strogg,
I knew there was a cut and paste function but never knew exactly how to use it.
Take care, Sam