You think you know English well?

This gem was placed on my desk by a collegue who felt sorry for me as I'm an English teacher... I don't know where it originates from, but I imagine it has been around the web a few times. Enjoy!

So you thought you were tough enough to learn English?

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

The badage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny tings when the does are present.

A seamstress and a swere fell down into a swere line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

My students find it difficult to know how words are supposed to be pronounced. After reading this, I have to admit I have some problems too...

And don't get me started about grammar...

 

I can only bow, and say . . . Yeppers, it's darn confusing . . . A lot of the tense and meaning is slaved to what is going on at the time it is spoken . . . but even taking that into account much of the mechanics of English make no logical sense at all . . . and, my friend, I am not even close to being wise enough to debate grammar . . . LOL


An amalgamation of many languages . . . it confuses me at times, and it is my native tongue! (and I fancy myself a writer . . . ) We are what we are . . .
Heck . . . I only understand about a third of what the British are saying . . . and they spawned us!

I don't envy you, my friend . . . teaching "English" is about as easy as making air castles, to my mind . . .

Hope to catch you logged in soon . . . kept missing you today . . .

Type at you later!

 

Glad to hear that other people have as many problems with my language as I have learning their language

 

come on BM, don't be offended. I'm sure learning our languages have difficulties too but have you ever tried to? No cuz it's not necessary to learn Swedish nor Greek. But me, Solange (Solange's student ) and other non-english use English all the time so we spot the difficulties

 

It depends on your environment, like in the states, you don't get much exposure to a different language whereas in Europe being multilingual is common. If you grow up exposed to different languages then you will learn them easily. My parents spoke Lithuanian, I went to an English school and learned French on the street. If I want learn a new one though, forget about it!

 

Most of us English dont speak proper English anyway! Not like they do in the films anyway, Hugh Grant and all those other muppets. All our areas have there own seperate dialects and slang, especially in the north where I live, 4 or 5 miles in any direction brings a whole new accent and set of words!

I dont like the way you Americans have taken English words and changed them however. Certain things are spelt different arnet they? Like colour, moustache, mum and aluminium. I have nothing against America however, so please dont take offence.

Also is it true in your schools Geography lessons they show maps with America in the middle instead of the UK(GMT)? I was told this by someone so excuse me if I am wrong.

Im terrible at English by the way!

 

Dont be silly

Everyone knows that Australia is in the middle

 

I didn't get much exposure to different languages until recently. Been trying to learn Irish Gaelic, Russian, Latin and a few others. Just never seem to be able to get it done.

 

Try and beat this one!

I peered at my peer on the pier while he pared a pair of pears.

 

Oy.... now my head hurts, and I know that I can be well spoken and used proper English when I need to.

As to the map questions, I have never seen a flat mad that did not have North America in the center. I took several navigation classes when I was younger, and if I remember correctly, it started mostly after WWII, as the US was seen as 'The' world superpower, and therefore had a place of prominence on maps. Also, the vast majority of the quality maps were made in the US as we were largely untouched by the actual war itself, and of course, being made here, they had us in the middle. I may be mistaken, but like I said, I am trying to remember back some years here...



~C

 

I have never seen a map with the US in the center, unless it was a map of the USA anyway.

 

england is in the center!! US to the left, europe and aisa to the right. they do make special hawaiian maps with...you guessed it, hawaii at the center.

 

this is typical

 

are we getting a little off topic here? rolleyes

 

...what's a badage?

The soldier one stands out the most for me, even though I have no trouble with it. Probably because it has three varying words.

For some reason, only recently I read almost every "tear" as "teer" before realizing its pronunciation according to context.

 

I think its suposed to be bandage

 

Typo, should be bandage.

Here in OZ we can get upside-down maps to stir up our Northern Hemisphere friends.

Google links.

http://www.google.com/search?as_q=&...as_dt=i&as_sitesearch=&as_rights=&safe=images

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/93/Reverse_projection.png/250px-Reverse_projection.png


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/be/Apollo17WorldReversed.jpg/225px-Apollo17WorldReversed.jpg


http://forums.majorgeeks.com/skins-1.5/common/images/magnify-clip.png
The famous photo of Earth from Apollo 17 (Blue Marble) originally had the south pole at the top; however, it was turned upside-down to fit the traditional view[1]
A reversed map, also known as an Upside-Down map or South-Up map, is a world map that generally shows Australia and New Zealand at the top of the map instead of the bottom. Indonesia is placed in the center while Europe and the Americas are placed to the sides, although there are reversed maps centred on the Prime Meridian. [2]
Reversed maps are popular in Australia, New Zealand and other southern hemisphere countries. They are also used in other parts of the world as tools for teaching critical thinking.
The position of North at the top of maps is somewhat arbitrary; indeed there are many maps with non-standard orientation, such as Medieval maps, polar maps, and Dymaxion maps. The convention that North is at the top (and East at the right) on most modern maps was established by the astronomer Ptolemy [3] and was widely adopted by other cartographers

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reversed_map

So there! Bazza

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Those make my head hurt reading!

 

Man, that's just wrong!

 

I speak English and Swedish, since my wife was from Sweden, and I lived there for three years. I'm pretty rusty on it by now.
That said, I think I have more trouble with English, which is my native language, lol! The English language is a bit like the English race in general - a mixture of Latin, Germanic, Gaelic, Celtic, and ancient Briton, amongst others. We tend to borrow from other European countries and take what we can use out of it, and end up with a hybrid language if our own, which is both complex and powerful.

 

I can't comment . . . my map still shows the USSR . . . guess I need a new one . . . (but the US is on the left side of it . . . )

 

That was you?

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one having difficulties!

Here is another sample:

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are cadies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese, so one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

One of my students asked me today why spelling is so complicated. I told him I will show him next week... Intend to show them the first one, and see if that will make them feel better or worse about their studies!

 

English isn't hard,

As long as it's your mother tongue.

 

come on this is just a metaphor, every language has metaphors. I am saying this only cuz we use the exact phrase (translated of course) in Greek

 

I like that one, its really good, and true.

I dont know why English is the main world language. Maybe because its made up of so many others?!

 

We make great battleships and guns flammable + inflammable means the same thing I wish I had the power to make them opposite Tell your students there are about 500,000 words they have yet to learn:cool

 

The language is the way it is because it allows for regular people to change it and use it the way they want. That's what is so good about it.
Thanks to Solange we can even laugh at it.

 

I sent this thread to a friend in Sierra Leone, so she can see why English is so difficult for people to whom English is not their first language. She speaks about 4, including her native Mende.
And even to us who have English as their first, and only, language. Bazza

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Of course those in Sierra Leone have their own problems with French.
As the man following the donkey said

Je ne suis ce que je suis
Si je suis ce que je suis
Je ne suis pas ce que je suis

Cheers

Studio T

 

Sorry mate, but Sierra Leone was British until 1966 Independence, and then it went downhill ever after.

For example, 2 Leones was the equvalent of £1, at Independence, I think.
When I was there in '92-'94 it was 500 Leones to USD$1, now it is around 2500 leones to USD$1. :cry
Still a lot better than Zimbabwe with an annual inflation rate of around 1,600%
Bazza

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lol this was funny It reminded me of something I ead once when my mom was teaching english