porno - to block or not to block

Perhaps it's just a slippery slope. Once a person or group of people have shown themselves to be willing to enforce their morality upon others, it opens the door for bad things to happen. I'd rather err on the side of too much freedom than not enough. I realize this might put me in the minority these days, which confounds me. I'd say that I think it's you who should be re-evaluating your ideas, but..something tells me that's not likely to happen. Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one and I'll hope not to get thrown in jail for being on the wrong side of the Morality Brigade.

 

I've read all the posts, replies, and such. LaurieB, this is a decision that you will have to make. Although everyone has offered advice and opinions, what really counts is how you feel about it and what you do concerning it.

 

Im assuming that most of you guys are in the U.S - I think a thread on a U.K based forum would have got such a different response - its quite interesting to see.

Everyone, of course, is entilted to their opinion and to govern their family how they see fit and therefore it is up to each individual as to how they deal with porn.

However as soon as a majority (or a minority) tell the other section of society how to live, then something is going majorly wrong and passing judgement on others (who are engaged in activities that do not harm people) is not the way of any Country nor Religion.

I watched Porn before having sex for the first time and it didnt give me any high brow expectations and it might have actually helped (well I like to think so).

Over here you just get on with it, Porn is something most Young Single Males do and thats o.k. To be honest I would be more concerned that you guys can legally buy guns and that your government is structured to allow those with cash to get thier own way than a bit of porn! Im not U.S.A bashing though, you guys will always be our cousins across the water, but your a teenage society - its the time your SUPPOSED to be watching Porn

Kiwi (All my opinions, no offence meant!!!)

 

I guess I am old fashioned, because:

If you live under my roof, you do what I say, period. When it comes to children, there is no democracy. Everything else in this thread is a moot point. Nobody is forcing views on anyone else. If you don't like a view, its as simple as hitting the back button on your browser. However, at home--you respect your parents view if you are a child or your spouses view if you are married.

 

Although this thread has gotten a little off topic and is no longer focused on helping the original poster with her dilema, I must say I'm quite impressed so far at how maturely the subject matter is being handled. It's usually at this point a mod has to close the thread because someone, usually me says something stupid or goes too far.

On topic or not, it's an interesting debate.


I consider this to be one of those "whatever you do at home behind closed doors" kinda things. I don't consider it unhealthy, although if taken to the extreme, like anything, I suppose it can be.

The fact of the matter is, it's a part of life and a part of human nature. I don't condone or advocate it. Like everything, moderation and common sense are the key.

If you reread the original post, this isn't a case of a serious addiction thats threatening to ruin a marriage, it's a case of someone finding their spouses stash in the sock drawer, basically.

Laurie, if it's the husband...laugh it off and forget it. Maybe just a freindly reminder to him to make sure he erases his tracks so junior doesn't happen upon it. If it's junior, then theres only one thing to do...BLOCK IT! The Internet is too weird a place for a kid to be learning that stuff.

Common sense!


-Steve

 

Adrynalyne - I agree and that is exactly what I said - in the home there is no democracy you have to abide by the rules that are set and that is fair enough.

I am coming from the other side in that I am only 19 and still have fresh memories of how I was raised and the situations that arose. My mother never "caught" me looking at porn, or if she did, she kept it quiet.

My Mother said exactly the same thing - live by my rules under my roof - or get out. At 16 I got out - nothing to do with Porn )) but the other rules. I now get on with my Mother much better and have grown as a person. I will set rules for my children in exactly the same way - I didnt like my rules so I went out and forged my own life.

So within the home its up to the Parents and within the Country its up to the people, on an INDIVIDUAL basis and not something prescribed by the Government.

 

well i hope i have resolved it now. i spoke to hubby, telling him i didn't require answers but that this is what i had found. i reminded him that he had promised not to access smut on my puter, and that i was concerned about Jacobs access to it. i told him i had changed the password on the content control already an that i was looking into stricter controls than that. i asked him to talk to Jacob about being careful where he and his friends went on the puter and that i will shut it down if i find it again.

i also think that the english are less inhibited than the americans. the telly ratings are very different, to mention just one aspect. in the US its alright for kids to watch and play very violent things, but a naked breast is blurred out. in the UK its kinda the opposite, where quite graphic sexuality is allowed but we are tougher on violent content.

also our kids grow up quicker. thirteen is not that young to start exploring the subject of sex. both me and my hubby had left home by the time we were 15, and were fully sexually active by then.

i am hoping that i have resolved this issue. wish me luck.

 

pS many many thanks for all your replies and suport. much aloha

 

i should have said 'most Europeans' as opposed to English. i think there are two issues here. one is protecting my puter. i believe that those kind of sites open it up to viruses etc. and although there are still more programs on my puter protecting it than there is info to protect, i still don't want it opened up.
the other is the fact that 'porn' is no longer naked women or even overt sex. it has 'progressed' to the bazaar and the outrageous. even being 'open-minded', i am appalled by what now passes as sex. although i don't think Jacobs to young for pictures of naked women, i don't want him accessing what is out there in todays world.
i intend to keep a closer eye on things. once again much aloha to you all

 

Parents from countries like France, Italy, Greece (I think--never been to any of them) share wine/grappa/alcohol with their children at mealtimes (I am lead to believe).
Just because countries like USA, Australia frown on the practice does not make our stand necessarily correct.
I bet ex-patriates from those countries, living where we do, still carry on the old customs, for 1 generation at least. Bazza

===

 

agreed, sounds like you've got everything straight for you.
as far as protecting the computer, limited accounts for dumpster diving will fend off most problems. or so i've heard

 

yes, and i think thats my next move. to give jacob his own account, and thereby give him the feel of resposibility and privicy, without actually doing it.

 

Thats what I'd be most worried about,I think alot of your first sexual experiencies stick with you throughout your life,"I stiill have a a little crush on supergirl" if a kid grows up seeing S+M and things of that nature all the time on the internet he/she come to consider that normal which could interfere with a normal healthy sex life and relationship when older

when older and more responsible he/she can make thier own decision of what is normal and not the first site that google shows something sexual

Aloha!

 

I guess it all depends upon what is defined as "normal." A lot of people think that it's appropriate to censor "alternative" lifestyles on television for children, ie, not showing cartoons where a character has two parents of the same sex. Normal is a constantly evolving state. A hundred years ago it wouldn't be normal to expose your children to people in mixed-race relationships, now only the most biggoted bat an eye. The same will be true in a few decades with same sex relationships, I imagine.

As a father, I make it a priority not to try and hide the world from my child. He's going to be curious about things, and I'd much rather have the opportunity to do my best to explain them to him than have him think that he has to sneak behind my back because something is taboo. It could be a coincidence, but countries that are more lenient in regards to societal norms of sexuality tend to have a (much) lower rate of ((okay, this word is censored. Let's just call it "surprise sex")). For instance, Germany has .09/1000, U.S. has .30/1000. (From http://www.nationmaster.com , very interesting to compare stats for various countries.) I think that the more repressed and repressive a culture tries to be, the more those very natural urges are forced into the background where they become twisted and distorted.

 

Am i the only one thats curious if it was the husband or the son?

 

Honestly, I'd be surprised if it weren't both

 

well yesterday i woke up and puter is FUBAR. people are trying to help in software. now I'm angry and upset. spent twelve HOURS yesterday trying to resolve whatever 'issues' its having, but to no avail. hubby fed me beer, tidied the lounge, and made me stop to watch the film he had got out, 'the snurks'. cartoon, a bit like the smurfs on acid lol. just drinking my morning cuppa. thought I'd sign in as i don't know whether i will be able to do so for a while. it looks like i might have clear the puter completely and re-install everything.

 

With respect, this is no soap opera. It's personal and I think the detail is between laurie and her family


@laurie...sorry you are having PC issues. I know how you feel. I've spent hours resolving issues on mine after the XP SP2 upgrade, and even now I have to coerce it into booting up on an almost daily basis.

 

both are behaving suspiciously. they are being far too nice to me lol. maybe they are just aware of the fact i am humongously p*ss*d off, and are avoiding my line of fire lol.

 

Eh...some members are better off seen and not heard..please carry on with the thread topic.

Thanks!

PS: Many people can't view threads like this due to content filters that disallow certain words. Typing the word porn like pRon or similar, will allow them to read the thread and participate in the discussion

 

Well from experience , the whole situation is gut-wrenchingly embarrassing, regardless of which person talks to you. Be very careful what you do, b/c this will have a profound effect on the kid. Trust me.

 

This thread getting quite popular.

Husband & son, both are behaving suspiciously, cause they be Guilty! (does it make it wrong??????)



Couple things here
Most males think of sex/porn all the time, it's in thier blood.
World Wide Web is full of porn. (have ya heard the famous Quote "Build it they will come")

 

"Wrong" can only be determined between the husband and wife as to what they have agreed to be ok in their relationship. The son is still very much a minor and the type of pron he may be accessing is of great concern. Some of it is way too explicit (so I am told!!!).

So the "wrong" part depends on the relationship boundaries set. The part here that I would struggle with would be the secrecy of doing it and the deception of not admitting to it after you had been busted. That would breach respect and trust lines for me.

 

when I was kid my parents would often joke "have you got a girlfriend" with a reference to some girl often I would blush and laugh "No girls are horrible" I still see the same reaction these days with my friends kids,so when kids finally find the opposite sx attractive this embarrasment to talk about Sx with your parents continues into adolescence

Indeed if I were looking at a playby "for the articles ofcourse " and my mom entered my room I would hide it straight away and flat out lie to her as to what I was doing,I also think alot of the time she knew that I was lying but didnt say anything,although back then I thought I was home free ,that breathing room she and my dad gave me was just the right amount,a sort of unspoken understanding,it was never addressed to the point me lying was an issue,if it was I would have just felt horrible about lying to my parents because I know I would have carried on reading playbys very educational articles

This still doesnt address the explicit pron you can get on the internet,I still believe it should be blocked from the computer for a few more years

aloha!

 

It should be blocked untill he is 18, assuming it is your son. For now if its ok with you give him SI swimsuit issue or somthing but porn is not good for him and not legal. If it is him I would be understanding about him already doing it but it should be stopped a.s.a.p.

 

http://www.no-porn.com

I would at least speak to both of them, hubby first, kid second. I have been addicted to porn for most of my life, (27), and am just now feeling like I am getting control of the situation. So you might not be over reacting.

 

I'm neither a hubby nor a wife....but you're right....porn is highly addictive and equally destructive. A 13 year old boy (or his daddy) has absolutely NO business looking at that stuff.

I was working on a teen's PC one day and I said outloud "Aw sh**!".
The mom wanted to know what was wrong, so I showed her the tons of porn stored in folder after folder and all the porn sites recorded in the temp int. files.
She blew her stack! I was ordered to unplug the DSL cable and remove the modem. She then called Sprint and cancelled her DSL service, right then and there. That was HER solution to the problem and she had my full support.

If you've never heard of a "Hosts" file before, you should read up on it.
Windows has a file (called HOSTS) that the browsers use to list bad web sites. There is a custom Hosts file available via the internet that Blocks hundreds of bad web sites, including any known Porn sites.
Once the Hosts file in installed, the browser just Won't Go There.
I use a custom Hosts file myself and share it with all my customers. It keeps the browser from being re-directed to a Bad site.
check this reference:
http://www.msfn.org/board/index.php?act=ST&f=8&t=55597

A Google search will uncover a g'zillion web sites and forums that deal with Hosts files.

It's a good place to start and no one will ever know you even installed it.
good luck,
God Bless,
DrRoms

 

Excuse me?!?!?!

I'm thirty years old, and I will look at whatever I want to on the Internet.

YOU have no business telling me what I should or should not be looking at!


-Steve

 

ill look into it. god bless you too.

 

Blocking Unwanted Parasites with a Hosts File

http://www.mvps.org/winhelp2002/hosts.htm
http://www.mvps.org/winhelp2002/hosts.zip (75 kb)
http://www.mvps.org/winhelp2002/hosts.txt (330 kb)

Note: the "text" version also make a good reference for determining culprit
URLs.

 

If the computer you should not like in this case. And if you are married and your wife is not ok with it you should not look at it. If you are unmarried and have your own computer, I guess its ok to do whatever you want, although it is bad for you.
By the way this is directed towards you evilevets just a general statement.

 

didnt i already do this at some point shadow?

 

What does that mean?

Again, I'll make the decision if what I'm doing is OK.

Bad for you? Please explain. Do you mean physically bad? Hairy palms is just a myth, dude. How is an adult looking at explicit material (legal, normal porn, i.e; pictures of naked chicks over 18 years old for example), privately, in his home on his own computer bad?

-Steve

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not some huge perv...well maybe I am. But thats besides the point.

The point is, I get angry when people try to impose their beliefs on others.

If you don't like it, then don't look at it. If an adult wishes to look at explicit material, as long as it is legal, then that person should do it.

As far as the wife not being OK with it, OH WELL! Looking at playboys or nude chicks on the Internet is NOT cheating. Even if it's done behind the wifes back. If you don't agree with me, ask the original poster of this thread if she considers her husbands occasional porn-browsing (which she did mention at some point) if she considers that cheating. I'm sure she will say "no".

Dude, talk to me when you get married. If you tell me that you NEVER even occasionaly glance at porn here or there, I'll call you a liar. If you get married, after a few years, you'll look at porn more that you ever did before. Trust me.


-Steve

 

You may have before, but when I had you run Hoster it reset your hosts file to the orginal MS hosts.

 

Meant to say if the computer is not yours you should not look at it.

This will screw up your marriage, and is not a wise choice if care for your wife. Exception is if your wife is ok with it.

You will most likely get addicted eventualy, thats why its bad.

Again I never said that those things should apply to you. Just a response to what you said.

 

ok. ive installed it again

 

i have read all these replies with care, and thank all those who have responded with advice. having had sufficient time to clear my head, these are my decisions. first i think they are both guilty.
second, that it a matter of degrees. i am fairly open minded, and by and large do not believe in censorship, BUT it is my puter, and whether i believe in censorship or not, i have been put in the position where i am actually providing the stuff . to that end, i will do all in my power to block hard-core sites. these include the very violent, as well as the sexually outragous. it is possible that the stricter the controls, the more likely that one or other will attempt to get round it. it is also possible that trying to circumvent parental controls could cause more damage than the sites they want to visit. so if i keep it simple, blocking only the extremes, and trusting that they both have as much respect for me as i do for them, i am hoping this will not arise again. much aloha

 

I think you have made the right decision laurie a perfect middle ground ,even the mild sites have some nasty parasites that can enter your comp though,your probably quite aware of having a good firewall,antivirus and spyware installed another great way to protect your comp from these sites is to check some of your activeX settings are disable see chaslangs sticky in the spyware forum,indeed some seemingly quite ordinary sites i have visited give you instructions on how to enable your activeX control so you can see the SPECIAL content,ie they can get into your computer

Aloha!

 

thanks for the headsup. i will read it.