Anyone Else Have This problem

Today, my youngest, just turned 17, left for Ky for FFA. Her and I haven't been getting along lately. I wanted to say so much to her before she left, instead I said give me a hug and a kiss and I told her I loved her. Is that enough?

Last week, my best friend's 26 year old son had brain surgery. Had a rare tumor removed. Was hard to talk to her. Kept bringing back memories of when I was in the same hospital with my daughter. This was about her and her son, not me. I am hoping I did a good job, especially just listening to her. Is that enough?

Even in these forums, there is much I want to say to people. I type it out, then reread it and it sounds dumb, so I backspace and remove it. And then type something mundane. Is this enough?

Anyone else have this problem? Where they don't know what to say without sounding dumb, but yet wanting that person, or persons to know you really do care?


I almost backspaced all this, but decided to leave it.

Gal
I am hoping for some responses from everyone, especially those on here who can literate so well and with so much meaning.

 

you are not alone. and yes, your care makes it enough.

funny story....i used to work as a counceller, and one day, after a twelve hour shift, i was in the pub when an aquantance of mine asked if she could talk to me. i smiled and said 'sure', but inside i just prayed she would go away and leave me alone. all the time she droned on (and on and on) about her marriage, kids, this problem, that problem, i just looked and smiled and nodded in what i hoped were the right places. inside the whole time im like LEAVE ME ALONE. when she at last finished, she look my hand and held it between hers and said. 'Laurie, you don't know how much you just helped me. thank you so much for just being you".


now THATS guilt. lol

 

gal, most of us worry about sounding dumb, at least some of the time. What feels dumb to you may be just what someone else needs to hear. While it's always good to get our thoughts in order so things come out right, don't worry so much about sounding "dumb". Most likely you WON'T. You have a good heart. What comes out of it is not likely to be mean or spiteful, and anything given with love is better than safe empty platitudes. Live dangerously.

With your daughter, it would likely HELP if you share with here that you want to say more but are afraid of sounding dumb. (Teenagers know all about that feeling.) Teenagers often feel alone even when they're not. Better to err on the side of too much rather than too little.

With your friend in the hospital, simply listening, realy listening, is probably the best thing you could have done. Sharing your love and a hug, plus your TIME to simply be there for her are priceless. You done good.

 

I know exactly what you are talking about!!!! You try so hard to "type" your emotions/feelings and then when you proof read it...you're thinking...awwww, no, that looks stupid, or someones's going to take that the wrong way, or that's not exactly what I was trying to say!! So you just delete it!! Then you sit back and wonder if you should leave it be, or if you ought to say more, or they won't truly understand what you feel inside or simply, just what you are REALLY trying to say!!

Happens to me all the time!!!! I guess maybe 20/20 hindsight??

Roger

 

Thank you everyone for your replies. Glad to hear I am not the only one..

laurieB Thank you. Nice story. Was so good of you to listen even when you didn't really want to.

GT. Thank you for your kind words. My daughter and I will be ok. My friend's son is doing well right now, and she knows there will be good days and bad. I can't be at the hospital with her because of work, but she knows I am only a phone call away.

Rog.....I read yours and reread it. Sounded just like me. As GT said, maybe I need to just live dangerously and break the delete and backspace key.

Halo I agree with you. Sometimes "thinking" about things might not be the right thing. Just do it, right? Get that draft sent out.

Again, thanks everyone. You have all made me feel better and made me realize it's what the heart says and doesn't say sometimes.

Gal

 

Gal, my son (Mike who is 16) is also leaving for the FFA Nationals at KY this morning. We had a big fight last night about being responsible and all. It is tough to show a "caring love" when you are in the middle of a "tough love" episode. This morning I woke him up and apologized, he also apologized to me and stated that he thought he was quite childish last night on his stance. There is a LOT to learn from our kids. You have done great so far in expressing yourself in all of your posts. Don't worry about how you come across to others as you will always let your caring side shine through. If there is EVER a question about your posts someone will speak up and give you the opportunity to explain yourself but I really can't see there being a question in that department.

I will pray for your daughter's safe travel as well as my sons and all that attend the FFA conference this week.

Jack

 

FFA=Future Farmers of America...or atleast in my part of the country (Illinois) that's what it stands for.

Roger

 

And I don't know how many times I re-read my own post even after they're posted, just so I can make sure it was what I really wanted to say and to see if the more I read it, if it could come accross in different ways, and as I'm reading it...I'm thinking...how is the other person going to interpret this??

Roger

 

Gal...the very fact that you keep asking yourself "is it enough?" reflects so brightly how very much indeed you do care and are concerned that your input into others lives is sufficient. Many are so wound up in their own lives they wouldn't even stop to think of asking this of themselves.

There are times when you can only hug and tell your kids you love them. They don't want to hear the words, the advice, the explanation...especially teenagers....oh boy, man, am I learning that one right now too

NB: Quit backspacing...those are probably your most valuable words

 

Yup...it's nothing to do with lubrication lol

 

Nope...not gonna do it...not touching that one. Period

 

Wraith Thank you for the kind words. My daughter called to let me know she got there ok and who she was rooming with etc.... She called again this afternoon. For no reason really. Think she misses home already. This time away might give us both time to think about treating each other better. Thanks for the prayers. I know I have said a few for all of them, too.

Halo Glad you emailed the draft. And the bit about FFA and KY? hmmmmmmmm.............Lev knows you too well.

Rog Thanks for clarifying what it is.

Lev Thank you for your words. Teenagers are fun, aren't they? This is the youngest and I swear she is my worst. Spoiled rotten by her Dad.

I just want to say I didn't write this to get good words about me. Not what I intended at all and I am embarrassed by what some of you have said.
But, at the same time, it did make me feel better about myself.

Gal

I did NOT backspace at all on this post.

 

My daughter is home safe and sound. Hope your son is, too.

Gal

Actually, she was home. Has already left to go shopping.

 

Yes, he made it home safe and sound. Sounds like he had a great time at Nationals and he didn't even spend all of his time with his girlfriend there LOL. Hope your daughter enjoyed herself!

 

Wraith & Gal....glad your kids had a great time and made it home safe