California

What it means to be a member calling themselves CALIFORNIANS
So as to not be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan
jokes, you know you're from California if :

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible,
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house,
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English,
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze,
5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor,
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian,
9. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears,
11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast,
12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S,
13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps, and you don't even notice,
14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks' wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney,
15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment,
16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into #########, and your Mary Kay rep is a
guy in drag.
17. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH,"
19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 pm Tae Bo class,
20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers,
21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents . . .
22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????
23. Both you AND your dog have therapists . . . and lastly,
24. The Terminator is your governor.

 

true...

 

Don't scare me like that, I am trying to move out there!! Very funny though!!! I think I have one for Florida, I wonder if I can find it.

 

It's all true.

And Pot is NOT illegal out here

 

It's not? rats There has to be a normal section of California...somewhere. I sure hope so. I'm either packing for NY or CA. I would actually rather own a ranch in the middle of nowhere!

 

You Know You're From Oklahoma If

You say ya'll ... many times a day.

Bedlam is a BIG deal.

You can tell when it's tornado weather.

When you drive through a neighborhood anyone out walking will smile and wave at you.

You've worn flip flops in the winter

You have stopped to let a family of deer cross the road.

You thought the twister ride at Universal Studios wasn't windy enough.

You know who your neighbors are, how many children they have, and when one of them gets married or graduates.

There are at least 2 to 3 Sonics, McDonalds, and Little Ceasars in your town

You've been off roading - many times

You or someone you know was born, raised and still lives in the same town.

You know that Miami, Oklahoma and Miami, Florida are pronounced two different ways.

You plan events around football games.

You are a Cowboy or Sooners fan.

You learned how to do country and western dances at school.

A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah and Chickasha.

It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.

You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

It doesn't seem odd to see the term "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.

You save all your life for your dream vacation, and use it to go to the OU/Texas game.

It doesn't seem peculiar if your sweetie says "I'm going in to town for something" even though you live in town.

You don't turn on the news until 20 minutes past the hour, because that's the only thing you care about anyway.

Your quarterback is hurt and it is the top story on the six o'clock news.

You keep track of the grain and hog futures on the radio.

You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.

You go to the State Fair for your only vacation.

You get up at 5:30 A.M. and go to the coffee shop, where the waitress never asks what you would like. She already knows.

You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.

You know what the "Sea of Red and White" is.

You think that using the elevator involves a corn truck.

You can drive 80 mph on a two-lane dirt road with one hand, but driving 45 mph on a four-lane expressway in a city scares you to death.

You use manure on your grass instead of Weed and Feed.

Your nearest neighbor is in the next zip code.

You know the difference between feed corn and sweet corn... while it's still on the stalk.

You wear cowboy boots to church.

You know that everything goes better with Ranch.

You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

"You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."

You know what "Orange Power" and "Crimson & Cream" means.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Oklahoma.

 

Nor here!

 

try around lodi, lot's of ranch land in the foothills near here




@UncleBob- funny, verrrry funny, watch it buddy

 

Man, I don't know about the rest of the state but this is the block I grew up on
And people wonder why left sunny so cal for windy chi-town

 

You know you are from florida if:

You own at least five pairs of flip flops
You know someone who's been struck by lightning
You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators
Your backyard is sometimes a swamp
You're officially sick of Disney
You shrug off hurricane warnings
You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos
There are only two seasons - hot and hotter
You've drank a flaming alligator.
you’ve ever been to the beach in January
you’ve ever seen an alligator on a golf course
you know the score of the last five UF and FSU football games
you own a puka shell necklace
you consider laying out a sport
senior adults outnumber teenagers 50 to 1 in your town
you call ditches, “canals”
you know a really good shark attack story
your city doubles in size every winter
you think everybody wears shorts and a t-shirt at Christmas
you can tell the difference in an orange tree and a grapefruit tree
you’ve heard tales of a fluffy white substance some people call “snow”
you own a hurricane tracking map
6 feet tall rodents wearing clothes are a common sight
you consider it cold when the temperature drops below 80 degrees
you hear “Orange County” and you think of Orlando, not L.A.
you own a surfboard or know someone who does
you know a homemade cure for sunburn
you’ve ever broken into a sweat walking from your front door to your car . . . in February
you demand a recount
you have a palm tree in your yard
the best restaurants in town have names like Crusty’s or Fat Boy’s
you know where a shuffle board court is located
you hear “casual attire” and think board shorts and a tank top
you never leave home without your sunglasses and your umbrella
you’ve ever gone to the beach on your lunch break
you always carry a swimsuit in your car, just in case
your “winter coat” is known as a wind breaker in other parts of the country
the only suit you own is a wet suit

 

If only if it were just Florida

 

A lot of these are pretty obscure, which makes them even funnier if you have spent a significant amount of time in Atlanta, GA.

You know you live in Atlanta if...

You give directions starting with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House."

You only know their way to work and their way home.

You only drink Coke or Diet Coke - drinking Pepsi is blasphemy.

You know to wear sneakers to the airport.

The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.

You use "Sir" and "Ma'am" if there's a remote possibility that person you're talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

You can Ponce De Leon Avenue correctly.

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules.

If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.

If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.

Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour.

You never go 55 on "The Watermelon 500 or the Georgia 400.

You know you're not allergic to pollen, because if you were - you'd be dead already.

You've never gone around the block and ended up on the street you started on.

You know where 'Butthead' and 'F*ckhead' are, and it's the same part of town.

ou haven't been downtown at night in years

You've woken up at 4:30 am on workdays to beat the traffic to work, intending to leave work before 3 pm to compensate.

You know at least five different ways to get to work, none of them ideal

You know what "sunshine slowdown", "auto-flambe'", "topside" mean, and what color a H.E.R.O. is.

You know where PIB, JCB, FIB, MLK, PDK and "Grady curve" are, and you try to never go there during any of the nine hours of rush "hour"

You've thought about getting a blow-up companion for the front passenger seat

You hope you are the one to spot the vehicle that is the subject of the latest "Amber Alert" which has been flashing for ten minutes on the DOT message board exactly 13.5 feet above the hood of your SUV

You've been in traffic on 85, 75, 20 or 400 (choose one) - wondering if your fuel, your cell-phone battery and your bladder will make it to the next exit, just 1/2 mile ahead

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Atlanta.

 

Shoot...I can't find ANY of mine! Must've been on the computer that got stolen. I had one for Michigan, one for Lake Tahoe, and a couple of others. I'll have to dig.

Found the one for Michigan.

You know you're from Michigan when...

1.You've never met any celebrities.

2."Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

3.At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game.

4.Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.....eh!

5.You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

6.Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.

7.You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.

8.It's easy to get VERNORS Ginger Ale, Sanders Hot Fudge sauce, AND Faygo Pop.

9.You know how to pronounce "Mackinac."

10.You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day.

11.You bake with SODA and drink a POP.

12.The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.

13.Your little league game was snowed out.

14.The word "thumb" has geographical, rather than anatomical significance.

15.You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand.

16. Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.

17.You measure distance in minutes.

18.When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."

19.You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't that far from Hell.

20.Your year has 2 seasons: Winter and Construction.

21.Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.

22.You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.

23.Owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown.

24.You believe that "down south" means Toledo.

25.YOU ACTUALLY "GET" THESE JOKES TELL THEM TO ALL YOUR MICHIGAN FRIENDS AND FAMILY!

 

You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos
eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww

That's a ghastly mental image

 

It's so funny how so many people talk about "California" when really what they're referring to is "Los Angeles."