Christmas Lighting Tips (feel free to add)

1)If you are walking on your countertop to string lights in your kitchen make sure your countertop is off.
OUCH

 

Tired of replacing those C-9 bulbs that only last 3,000 hours. Not to mention they use more electricity too and burn HOT. I went to C-6 LED's instead. Little bit more pricey, but they last 100,000 hours and are very cool to the touch.

 

I don't have electrified countertops in my kitchen.

 

I don't either. My daughter could use one to keep the cats from jumping on it at night when everyone is asleeproflmao


Use timers to save on the electric bill. Plus you don't have any wucking forries about remembering if you shut them off before going to bed.:-D

 

Don't bother taking small external sets down. They are unlikely to be noticed and it will save you a lot of time the next decorating time.

The decorations are not in the loft. They were never in the loft. They are in the basement.
If you do decide to check the loft, make sure the significant other is at the foot of the ladder, or you will knock it over and spend an extended period doing loft hatch aerobatics. At times like this the significant other will behave as if they are in a soundproof chamber, even if they can normally hear a dab of jam falling onto the carpet 2 rooms away or if they can normally hear you think about doing something wrong:-D

Any light string you buy will come ready tangled and not working. One set will shock you violently into a wall and then stop working.:-D

Also, beware of Christmas tree stands. They want you dead. They will attack you from any angle they can, mainly by falling on you from the top shelf of a cupboard, or by lurking at the top of the stairs.:-D

 

My lighting tip:

If the tree is still green, douse it with kerosene first.

 

You Might Be A Redneck If You...

"There's Your Sign"
Sorry Collinsl but you left it wide open.roflmaoroflmao

 

Everything stated by Collins is TRUE !! Jam falling on the carpet ! roflmaoroflmaoroflmao

 

T'wer'n't me. A quote from Bill Bryson.

Thank you!

Also remember than when bringing the tree in (after the extended period hanging from the loft), you will experience, in close proximity; having needles poked into every part of your face, torso, and upper legs, having sap running backwards up your nose, and the previously unnacounted for significant other will be everywhere shouting random commands like:

"Don't go that way!"
"Watch out for the thingy!"
"Go left! Not that left, my left!"
"Mind the whatsit!"

And later on... "Ooh, are you OK honey? Didn't you see those steps?"

You will then hike up to the hardware store for another christmas tree stand, having mysteriously failed to find the ones that you have purchased over the last 27 years, even though you still own all of them. Whislt there you will buy two more strings of lights. These will not work either.

When you have finally got the tree up, lit and decorated your significant other will bound into the room, having been mysteriously absent for the decoration process (especially when the stepladder for the tree star collapsed into the tree with you on it), and will say "Well done, honey/darling/etc, now let's do the outside. I have a special treat this year, a 12-foot inflatable santa that goes on the chimney. You get the 40-foot ladder whilst I open the crate!"

You can imagine what happens next. A chirstmas tree stand falls on you whilst you are getting the ladder from the shed, where you never put any christmas tree stands, and five fall off the roof when you lean the ladder aginast it, and one gets lodged under one foot of the ladder just as you reach the top.