dating and smoking?

Why are people judgmental/closed minded to think I'm not worth dating, not worth getting to know, because I smoke?
Although I smoke, I don't smell, I don't look like I smoke, why do girls tell me, "oh I don't date smokers".
What's up with that?

 

Not to open a can of worms but you ask so here you go...this is just my opinion.
1. Non-smokers are sometimes sensitive the smell of cigarette smoke and/or find it offensive. Non-smokers can smell a smoker when smokers can't smell it on themselves. Ask someone who has quit and they will tell you they never smelled it while they were smokers like they do after quitting. Same goes for those that never smoked.
2. There are a lot of people who have watched a friend or family member suffer illness and death due to years of smoking and don't want to do it again.
3. Some people are actually allergic to smoke and have breathing problems when exposed to it longer than a few minutes.
4. Fear of secondhand smoke affecting their own lungs.

If you choose to smoke then you have to give them the right to choose not to be around you.

 

I know im a guy but from my perspective if i were dating again, smoking is my number one turnoff.

A pretty 10 will instantly go to not date-able in my book if she smokes. ive kissed smokers before and its just not fun.

and when kissing a pretty girl, it has to be fun

and i dont even boycott smoking areas, doesnt bother me if friends smoke around me etc. but if its someone im involved in, its a no go. Mostly its the smell and taste.

 

I agree with both Laura and Kat, and additionally (for me anyway) smokers are a turn off because why would I want to be with someone who cares so little for their own health? If they don't care about themselves, why would they care about me?

 

Let me weigh in as both a female and a smoker.

If someone doesn't want to date me because I smoke, more power to them. I actually respect those people FAR more than those who tell me they'll date me if I don't smoke around them, or who tell me they'll date me if I quit. Why be in a relationship with someone if you have to sneak around to do anything, or you have to make a life-altering decision just to get a chance to start?

On the flip side, I often prefer not to date a non-smoker, because why would I choose to spend time with someone who is constantly judging me and finding me lacking by their standards? Which is not to say I haven't dated non-smokers. The guy I'm currently seeing has never smoked. I am considerate, and I do not smoke in his truck (never even occurred to me to do so), and there is no smoking anywhere inside public buildings in this state so that's pretty much never a factor. When I asked him if it bothered him that I smoke before we ever went out, he replied, "Were you planning to blow it in my face?" LOL

The thing is, smoking is a go-no go for a LOT of people. I disagree with Dyamond that smokers don't care about ourselves, and therefore can't care about someone else, but that's personal feeling so we'll just agree to disagree on that one since it's not worth an internet argument.

 

It's the snide remarks. And melodramatic waving of the hands when they smell smoke. And the spraying of air fresheners. And a multitude of other things they do. Not that there aren't people who simply don't like it, but I would say, in my experience, way more people are obnoxious about it than aren't. Sometimes they think they're being funny, but after a few times of someone forcing themselves to cough in the loudest, most obnoxious way they can manufacture after you've come inside from having a cigarette, you find yourself not wanting to be around them any more.

 

There are two answers, that spring to mind, the tactful and the brutally honest.

Tactful: I can't be around smokers because the smell causes my nose to close and then my throat, no matter how long it's been since they've been smoking. And the vast majority of them are so consistently inconsiderate, that I can't stand them.

Brutally honest: You're not just a smoker, you're a walking bundle of medical problems and bills that if I get into any kind of committed relationship with are going to eventually end up being my problem, which will only be compounded by any feelings I might have developed.

That said, I'm one of those people designed by nature to be single. So my opinions are not necessarily valid for anyone else.

 

Right or wrong when it comes to opinions or feelings everyone has their own, and are entitled to have them. Not everyone is going to feel or think the same way. Period!

 

I have a hard time believing that someone who, knowingly, is killing themselves cares that much about themselves but hey that's fine, that's the beauty of opinions

 

Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray, and their scent lingers...

It's terrible for non-smokers.

That being said it shouldn't be an automatic deal breaker, that's just shallow and another form of exclusion-ism. I'm sure a smoker would try to be considerate and not smoke near, or in the residence of, a non-smoker they were dating. I mean, if they weren't a dick. And gum is a thing!

But yea, a smoker who smokes with you standing right there, knowing it bothers you, and trying to stick their nicotine coated tongue in your mouth is just plain absolutely nasty.

and that's my .02

 

Maybe they are just using that line to let you down easy. :-D:-D

As a former smoker, I can tell you, smokers smell like smoke, unless they are extremely careful about it, and they usually try to marinate in perfume to hide the smell.

I would most likely never date a smoker. I am not being judgmental, I also would not date someone who repeatedly banged their head against the wall and complained about their head hurting. I am all about free will, but it works both ways, you can do what you want, and I can choose who I associate with in my personal life.

People that smoke outside don't smell too bad, but the thought of kissing an ashtray... No Thanks. UH UH. Unless she is just smokin' hot.

 

My brother is an approach air traffic controller and is an inconsiderate two pack a day smoker that has smoked for over forty years and sees no need to stop. He only stopped smoking inside his house when both his young daughters were having severe asthma attacks and the doctor said it was the cigarette smoke causing it. My brother is also quite vain and will say he doesn't have any nicotine stains on his hands or teeth and also claims he doesn't have any traces of cigarette odour on himself or his clothes. This of course is total nonsense and the truth is he gets his teeth whitened every three or four months and soaks his hands in dilute bleach once a week to remove stains plus he wears so much aftershave you can smell him before you see him. He also has a persistent chesty cough that he claims is just "a recurring touch of the flu" so is he in smoking reality denial......... I think so rolleyes

watchntv as a reformed smoker of 35 years I am not going to say stop smoking but I will say that in my case, after I stopped, my food tasted so much better and I could smell subtle things that I previously wouldn't have noticed :-D
My uncle was also a lifelong heavy smoker and he died of lung cancer at only 60 years old but the sad part of the story was that he gave my aunty (via passive smoking) emphysema which has been causing her serious ongoing health problems for the last 20 years and he also gave his two eldest children (who have also only smoked passively) respiratory problems where they regularly get a fluid build up in their lungs similar to pneumonia and require a trip to hospital to get it pumped out. The respiratory problems with his kids started when they were toddlers and last year his eldest son at 38 years old has been diagnosed with "small cell lung carcinoma" and is not expected to live

For me, with what I now know about smoking, I wouldn't go out or have a relationship with a smoker either as they seem to have all sorts of medical complications and I feel that getting really close to a smoker is setting yourself up for a future filled with heartbreak watching them deteriorate and slowly die. Better for me not to go there in the first place
Just something simple like organising a family function at a restaurant means in our case, if we want my brother and his family to attend then there has to be somewhere he can go and have a puff. If you want to go to the pub with my brother for a few drinks then it has to have an outside beer garden so he can smoke. Consequently of late he hasn't been included in many family events because it ends up being too difficult to accommodate his smoking habit.

Smoking in the past was much more socially acceptable than it is today and now as even fewer places allow you to be able to smoke publicly then the difficulty for smokers is finding places other than their homes where they can still smoke. In Melbourne there is talk of banning all smoking in the CBD (Central Business District) but there is currently quite a lot of opposition
Here is an article about the CBD ban and also in our state, smoking has been banned indoors and outdoors at Childcare Centres and also at listed Parks. The CBD trials for banning started last year here. The anti smoking lobby is very powerful in Australia and it is being driven by healthcare savings and the governments on both sides are listening.

Good luck for the future watchntv but if you are being rejected only because you smoke then maybe you need to move to a country where smoking is still socially acceptable and having a smoking habit will go unnoticed

Sorry for the War and Peace but I just started typing.....LOL

 

LMFAO. That flu is a bizotch.

 

Hehehehe lucky it is only minor rolleyes .........just coughing and hacking most of the time rolleyes
We have all told him how foolish he is not to have it checked out but in his own words " I have to pass a full physical assessment every year to remain an Air Traffic Controller and if there was something wrong surely they would tell me". rolleyes
This head in the sand approach will lead to his total surprise when he eventually gets diagnosed with some kind of respiratory problem
Oh well, as they say "You can lead a horse to water ........"

 

I'm an ex-smoker of almost 25 years. Although I sometimes chew Nicorette gum, I have become hyper-sensitive to tobacco smoke. The one time I almost "gave in" at a bar, I took one puff and made a mad dash to the men's room because I thought I was going to puke - the feeling lasted almost half an hour and I went through almost a full box of mints trying to get rid of the taste.

About once a week, I get a desktop PC in for repair from a smoker. Dusting the inside makes me nauseated, even using a HEPA vacuum and surgical mask to block the tobacco dust. Even after doing this, I still have to use Fabreeze constantly to block the tobacco odor pouring out of thr PC's fans.

This is what most ex-smokers go through. Oh, and a word of warning: If you smell like you just walked out of a perfume department explosion at Macy's there won't be a love connection, either.

 

Funny you say this as I am an electronic engineer I often get roped into looking at electronic gear for different family members. A few years ago I was asked to look at my heavy smoking uncle's TV and VHS video recorder. Problem with the video recorder was a brown nicotine build up under the keypad on the front panel that was shorting out several buttons so I cleaned this up with isopropyl alcohol. The TV had random shorts on several pcbs and this was caused by a smoke residue/nicotine build up which I also cleaned off with alcohol. The other thing I noticed was any insulation was starting to break down prematurely so these residues seem fairly corrosive. The inside of the TV and also the video recorder smelled like a stinky ashtray and felt greasy to the touch so I know what you mean uke

 

Thanks.
I agree, people are allowed to think and feel what appeals to them. If the smel or look of smokers causes you reactions you cannot control, then by you are free to react.
What I bolded is so true and so important

FedG, you are saying what I think as well.
1st, I don't want to date someone who has a hobby/addiction that harms themselves.
2nd I have dated a smoker, who I wouldnt let smoke around me(even when she stayed over, I"d make her leave,which she did once,as a test of me)
but I dated her cause she was 10yrs younger than me and a smokin' hottie (until smoking catches up to her) but more importantly,she never smelled of cigarettes.

Thank you for pointing out what I think is true but I think is rightfully true, but I dont agree that not liking smokers is "shallow". Smoking is proven to cause many health problems, its not pleasant to be around for non-smokers and smoking is a choice that smokers continually make to keep doing.
Why do they keep doing it? Oh yeah, it's addictive, but society says being addicted to cigarettes is "ok", and being addicted to "crack" is bad", being addicted to pot is ok in some states.

OK I think my point has been made. That not wanting to be around someone who chooses an activity that is harmful to themselves and makes them look unappealing is not "judgmental" nor make the that person an "***". People choose what they want to do and those choices cause others to treat them a certain way.
So if I don't shower daily, I can't be upset that people don't want to be around me.
Gotcha

When I saw Louie Ck where there was a fat girl soliloquy,
http://www.forbes.com/sites/allenst...t-brutally-honest-seven-minutes-of-television


I was bothered because she gets mad at Louis when she brings up "her age and fact she's fat".
-- and he says, you you arent fat,
she gets mad at him for saying that, but he only said it because He wants to be nice to her about this thing that bugs her.(or whyd she bring it up)

The gist of it is she's upset that he and others guys are "mean jerks" because they dont want to date fat girls,.. because guys dont find fat girls attractive, THATS NOT FAIR, she whines, but its ok to be a fat male(it is different, for attraction, but not really and is she mad at Louie for something no one can control?)
Then she gets mad because louie has never dated a fat girl.
(which is like smoking right? being fat is a choice, no one makes you get fat or overeat food, sure eating makes you feel food, but so does smoking, doing drugs, etc, right?)
She continues her diabtribe tasking louie why he's never chased a fat girl, held hands with a fat girl..
in the end, Louis holds her hand, which causes her to shut up
(next episode louie hooks up with a model, so I guess the fat girls badgering didnt work?)

why is the fat lady so mad?

Yes, the rules say people don't find fat people attractive(some cultures do)


so what?

Smoking makes you feel good and people love to smoke, but do they smokers get mad at non-smokers for telling them SMOKING IS GROSS
yes, they do,but smoking also affects non-smokers.(the smell, the look, the 2nd hand smoke etc)



I dont throw away ice cream and eat arugula, because I don't like ice cream, Ice cream does thing to my brain that make me happy/feel good. I could eat ice cream daily and be very happy
But I don't, not because arugula tastes better than ice cream, I eat arugula because I am eating to stay healthy and I know argula is going to help me stay healthy and although not immediate( like ice cream) Veggies long term will make me feel good(increase in NO, think,) and by keeping me at a healthy BMI
.(arugula has lots of nitrates, http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/90/1/1.full.pdf)

the same thing applies to dating attractive women.. I feel good about dating attractive women.

I Love this little bit of dialogue from an episode of HOUSE(heavy)
Cameron: Everything in society tells us we have to be thin to be successful.
Chase: No, society tells you you have to be thin to be attractive. And guess what, that’s what attractive means: that society likes looking at you.
Cameron: I think we should be telling our kids it’s fine as long as they’re healthy.

-That could break off into a diatribe about what is healthy, but I think that is obvious(bmi <25 and/or bodyfat <15% is healthy)
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22530540

The question is, if you know the rules, that society wants a "healthy" person to look at and treats healthy people differently, why arent you healthy?
You don't smoke cause you know amongst things, that's unhealthy, so why are you unhealthy and complaining? (please let me know if you talk to someone about changing the rules. I'd love to go back to Old Country buffet)


This isnt some rant about eating "natural food" and being a vegetarian(I think last night I ate most of a cow and enough tators to kill that cow)

Its about being logical and not being emotional, and if you are emotional and feel a certain way, then don't be crushed when other people use both emotion AND facts to not want to be around you and that's the way people are, more shown with the "real" fat wendy being replaced by the attractive(not fat) wendy
http://frontroweats.com/2011/01/29/wendys/

Example of eating junk food and still losing fat
For 10 weeks, Mark Haub, a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University, ate one of these sugary cakelets every three hours, instead of meals. To add variety in his steady stream of Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Haub munched on Doritos chips, sugary cereals and Oreos, too
His body mass index went from 28.8, considered overweight, to 24.9, which is normal.
Haub's "bad" cholesterol, or LDL, dropped 20 percent and his "good" cholesterol, or HDL, increased by 20 percent. He reduced the level of triglycerides by 39 percent..
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/

 

Thanks for the post, strong words.
I don't smoke, don't overeat, I have enough issues to deal with from the aftermath of my coma/brain injury, so I don't need more issues to deal with.

So I continue to earn all the stuff(was in medical school before the coma changed my life) and I have helped my parents become healthy, but the people I am around now, are not healthy, I have seen people take cigarettes out of peoples mouths(on TV) yet I've never seen anyone take away someones fast food.

I've been in the position Louie was in, although I wasnt nice, I was just honest with the gal, then I just went home. But I see friends from high school(girls) and my sister (bmi 32) have society against them because they arent what society wants,

Meanwhile, I kinda chuckle when this MILF I dated, still gets comments on her facebook picture that are positive, yet she smokes, but has a low BMI and isnt healthy, so its not health people care about, its how you look, do to the other persons senses, right?
so fat people or smokers shouldnt call me names cause I dont want to date them.

 

Opps, that was way harsh.

15% is for men, I think women should about <25%

 

Preventing cancer--

This is a bit of a rant against doctors and news sources.

I hear so much about men (and women) getting cancer and "working" for a cure,etc
How much would cancer be reduced if people were not fat(BMI<25)?

Why do we know smoking causes cancer!
That lycopene helps reduce cancer, that fruit veggies have things in them that MIGHT help reduce cancer, but I don't ever see, a person telling a fat person, hey you are likely going to get cancer,. STOP BEING FAT

Although we arent told this daily, science does show it pretty clearly:


http://blog.nutrino.co/what-causes-cancer/
Cancer is recognized as one of the world’s biggest killers. Every year more than 10 million people are diagnosed with cancer worldwide. Yet, despite the enormous amount of research done on cancer, it still kills millions every year. In the USA alone, cancer is responsible for about 23% of the total deaths. This led to the famous declaration of “war on cancer” by U.S. President Richard Nixon in the 70′s. Today, the search for a cure for cancer is considered to be the holy grail of modern medicine.
Studies performed on identical twins showed that only 5%-10% of all cancer cases can be attributed to genetic defects, whereas the remaining 90%-95% are due to either lifestyle or environmental factors. The main lifestyle factors that influence cancer growth are:

Diet (fried foods, red meat, excessive consumption of alcohol and other foods that contains carcinogens)
Obesity
Cigarette smoking
Physical inactivity
Sun exposure
Environmental pollutants
Infections
Stress
Posting on internet forums**

First the survey I toss out a lot.
Body mass index and risk of cardiovascular disease, cancer and all-cause mortality
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22530540
CONCLUSIONS:

The results demonstrate significant relationships between BMI and mortality from all causes, CVD and cancer. The increased risk of all-cause, CVD and cancer mortality associated with an elevated BMI was significant at levels above 30 kg/m2; however, overweight individuals (BMI 25-29.9 kg/m2) also had an approximately 60% higher risk of CVD mortality.


http://www.wcrf-uk.org/cancer_preven...and_cancer.php
The evidence that being overweight increases the risk of cancer is stronger now than ever before. In fact, scientists believe that, after not smoking, maintaining a healthy weight is the most important thing you can do for cancer prevention.



Obesity is associated with increased risks of cancers of the esophagus, breast (postmenopausal), endometrium (the lining of the uterus), colon and rectum, kidney, pancreas, thyroid, gallbladder, and possibly other cancer type
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/f...t/Risk/obesity


Several studies have explored why being overweight or obese may increase cancer risk and growth. People who are obese have more fat tissue that can produce hormones, such as insulin or estrogen, which may cause cancer cells to grow.
http://www.cancer.net/navigating-can...nd-cancer-risk


Data suggests that being overweight or obese adversely influences not only cancer-specific outcomes, but also overall health and quality of life. As a result, weight management is now considered a priority standard of care for overweight women diagnosed with early stage breast cancer.
http://advancingyourhealth.org/cance...ce-prevention/


An estimated 1 out of every 3 cancer deaths in the United States is linked to excess body weight, poor nutrition, and/or physical inactivity. These factors are all related and may all contribute to cancer risk, but body weight seems to have the strongest evidence linking it to cancer. Excess body weight contributes to as many as 1 out of 5 of all cancer-related deaths.
Being overweight or obese is clearly linked with an increased risk of many cancers, including cancers of the:
Breast (in women past menopause)
Colon and rectum
Endometrium (lining of the uterus)
Esophagus
Kidney
Pancreas
Being overweight or obese also likely raises the risk of other cancers, such as:
Gallbladder
Liver
Non-Hodgkin lymphoma
Multiple myeloma
Cervix
Ovary
Aggressive forms of prostate cancer
In addition, having too much belly fat (that is, a larger waistline), regardless of body weight, is linked with an increased risk of colon and rectal cancer, and is probably linked to a higher risk of cancers of the pancreas

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancerc...r-risk-effects

**I added this as a joke to make sure you were awake!(not true)

 

Watchntv, I'm confused. You started this thread basically complaining because women won't go out with you because you smoke. Now it seems you do not, and are agreeing with everyone who posted from an anti-smoking point of view. Which is it? Right now you look very much like a troll. Also, why are you quoting yourself and expounding on what you've already posted as if you are responding to someone else?

 

I feel as if I've entered the twilight zone. Maybe tomorrow it will all make sense. rolleyes

 

Watchntv you got way off topic! :confused The question you ask was about people not wanting to date a smoker. It was not about being over weight or being ugly or any other vice you care to name.
Sorry, but to be honest, when you start quoting yourself and type very long replies to yourself I loose interest and my eyes glaze over. rolleyes :zzz
But hey it may just be me.:tired

 

I started this thread because I saw the scene I mentioned on Louie and it bothered me.

'm pretty sure if I had made a thread about "no ones likes me cause I'm fat", as the girl did in that clip, I'd get a different responses, as you do in real life.

So I just asked the same question, using a different habit, instead of overeating, smoking.

Granted they have a big difference, you don't have to smoke, you must eat.
But it comes down to a choice of what you want and the choices you make,
Most of the responses can be put toward an obese person instead of a smoker(ironically, smoking stimulates the same DA receptors in the brain that food does, which is why smokers can eat more(get hungry) when they stop smoking and why smokers are less likely(I think) to be obese,)

I did quote myself because the information I gave was wrong and I could no longer edit. and also to show that obesity is a cause of cancer, something I never hear in those commercials that are about "looking for a cure", which I didnt know about myself till around a few years ago when my mom got breast cancer and has reduced her BMI from 32-->23.

I'm not "trolling, just trying to make people aware of what science says, yet no one tells us.
If I had just posted a rant against cancer/medical community, fewer people might have read this and been aware.

 

I understand your confusion, all I can say is read the thread better,I try to explain it.

overweight (choice) and being ugly(not a choice) are not the same thing.

The word you want is "lose" not "loose"

but being honest. :-D
that being said.....

 

And here I thought enough months had gone by I was safe in removing him from my ignore list. Live and learn.

 

watchntv, I'm pretty certain you have a record of sorts over here on MG's- in getting threads locked. From Malware Removal to the Software forum and god alone knows the number in the Lounge.