Help Desk..

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one..

******

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ."
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's
still on my desk... Sorry...

******

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

******

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm
not Bill Gates!

******

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says
it can't find it...

******

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah..................Thank you.

******

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

******

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work!

******

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

******

A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

******

Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

******

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screen saver
on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!


And the winner is...

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do
I get the circle around it?

http://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/eek.gifhttp://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

 

i enjoyed this one:

" Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah..................Thank you."

 

LMAO

 

Incredible, great stuff!!!

 

Best one I've had personally:

Customer: The computer's eaten my CD.
Me: Eh
Customer: I put the CD in and when I pressed eject it wasn't there.
Me: Are you sure no-one has taken it while you were away?
Customer: No, I haven't left my desk.

So I go to the customers desk, and look, sure enough, no CD. It's a small Dell machine with a slimline drive, so I pop the catches and open it up. Somehow, she had managed to push the CD in over the top of the drive and it was sat quite happily between the RAM and CPU

To make it worse, it was an audio CD full of County & Western hits Then I had to apologise because the computer had 'eaten' her CD and I wouldn't beleive her.

 

And people wonder why there are no free help lines anymore.

 

I tripped over the free helpline sometime back. Hurt my ankle. That'll be why they got rid of it.

 

Here are some I've done, they are kinda stupid but whatever

Vincent U(19216):I don't believe the information you gave me earlier was the right model number, sir.
Semour: shit
Semour: i must have been looking at the wrong router
Vincent U(19216): The model number should be found at the bottom of the router, along with the serial # & MAC address. Please look carefully.
Semour: yep, that was a microsoft router, no wonder it doesn't work.

Semour: hold on let me go get my linksys router
Vincent U(19216): Ok.
Semour: i think the reason it doesn't work is that i spilled coffee on it
Semour: then i dropped it out of a 4 story window
Semour: and ran over it with a car


Hyacinth M(15715): What is your ISP?
Dushebag: i can't tell you, it's classified
Dushebag: but if you must know it starts with an A
Dushebag: then an O
Hyacinth M(15715): I need to know to help you on your router.
Dushebag: and an L
Hyacinth M(15715): We have to go straight to the problem to solve it immediately. Otherwise I am forced to exit this chat session.
Dushebag: ok, it's Net zero

Hi, my name is Hyacinth M(15715). How may I help you?
Dushebag: ?Que?
Hyacinth M(15715): What is the problem you are experiencing with your Linksys product?
Dushebag: No hablo ingles.
Hyacinth M(15715): No.
Hyacinth M(15715): Sorry.
Hyacinth M(15715): Are you Spanish Dushebag?
Dushebag: no, yo soy british
Hyacinth M(15715): I see.
Hyacinth M(15715): Sorry I can't speak your language.
Dushebag: yo hablo espanol, que en vivo en britain
Hyacinth M(15715): I can't understand that, sorry.
Dushebag: Well learn spanish damn it!!!
Dushebag: hey, do you know y my router doesn't work?
Hyacinth M(15715): What is the problem you are experiencing with your Linksys product?
Dushebag: que?
Dushebag: no hablo ingles
Dushebag: the damn thing doesn't work biach
Hyacinth M(15715): What is biach?
Dushebag: que?
Dushebag: well my router doesn't connect with the other comps
Hyacinth M(15715): What is the problem you are experiencing with your Linksys product?
Dushebag: well, it is kind of hard to explain
Dushebag: you know that glue for bird cages?
Hyacinth M(15715): No.
Dushebag: really?
Dushebag: you don't know what your missing