*Hmmm*

Considering a move... a big move.....my man wants me to move to the UK with him.... we want a change... thinking about it

 

Go for it!

I want to move back to the UK too, it isn't bad at all there!

 

where ya from in the UK?

 

I was born in London...

But I moved to Sweden when I was 3 years old, and that is now 33 years ago... Lol.

I have friends and family all around the country, so if I moved back, I have no idea where I would want to be. Maybe up north, I have friends and family in Leeds and Manchester. But I would rather live in the south, near the coast...

I will have to make them all move!

Where are you thinking of moving?

 

ahh.. i see that is cool!!!


leicester

 

hmm.. from Ohio to the UK.. no brainer... pack your bags!

 

haha should I go kodo?

 

Pack your kevlar vest and extra door locks too. London is now more dangerous than New York City.

What are the job opportunities there for you?

Before he drags you across the pond, how about he marries you?

 

Yeah Halo, it had me thinking if I was really living in the UK!

 

The Uk is a dire place to live. Im in Wolves, (near birmingham) having grown up in crewe, not too far south of manchester. Crewe made it into the news papers as having the highest petty crime rate in Europe.

The politics in Uk is just as bad, but employment is good, and contrary to what u may hear the health service is excellent, none of the "you have to be insured" culture which seems to be rife elsewhere in the world. An example of this is, i spent time in Australia where my son was born, and there were complications. The bills for this ran into thousands and thoudands of dollars , which were he n baby's mum in uk would have all been provided free.

Cost of living here is far more expensive in the south than north. This though is countered by wages, which are generally better in the south. Culture revolves around the local pub, and in a recent poll the pub took over 50% of the vote for Most important place in your community, with church down at 18% This was an amazing culture shock for me in Oz, as you nipped round your neighbours house for a chat, rather than all poping into the local watering hole. In brisbane where i was, seems you dont have a "local" type pub.

Education here is good, and reasonably multi cultural. The police system is, imo, corrupt as hell with institutionised racism rife. Mind, racism is rife throughout the u in various forms, although perhaps not in the nasty way the word implies. Its more of a definition thing, and is often imposed on uk citizens without them themselves even thinking that way.

An example is the govenment has taken down pics of the opposition leaders which were done so as to depict their heads attached to flying pigs, a reference to the expression "and Pigs might Fly" which is used when something is unbelievable, in this case the oppositions shadow government sums. The opposition claimed that these posters were "Anti Semitic" because the two people superimposed onto the pigs were of Jewish origin! Frankly thats just laughable, but what it does do is ingrain into Uk psyche that Jew = Target for racism, and therefore people interpret things with this already inside their mind.

In theory, the uk sounds a great idea from the outside.. but as with anything, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.. lol Frankly id not recommend it as a place to live after having been away and come back (blame the visa people lol). The closest id suggest to uk life only with out the insular is Southern Ireland.

Obviously the above is just my own experience of the uk, and not a complete all encompassing verbatum account of life here. The best person i remember describing the uk was Ben Elton, who said that everything here is just a bit crap, but we put up with it cos everything functions. As for Bill Bryson.... he thinks that Australia is a one island continent (so which continent is new zealand on???) and claims spiders are insects. Educated man obviously. lol

Hope this helps

 

Didn't realize you weren't married yet..
Get married first before you do ANYTHING.

 

Yes definitely get married first, and get the diamond before you get married, you won't get it later on no matter what he says!!

 

Why would being married make a difference? Is that so important?

 

Oh I could think of a few reasons on the religous side (but I'm an atheist so I'm not going there) but the biggest thing that came to mind was Citizenship for both on both sides of the pond.

 

Ok, I'm an atheist too... Lol. And I'm still a British citizen, so that wouldn't be a good reason for me either... In fact, I see NO reason at all why I should get married, it is against my lack of religious beliefs!

I just wondered if there are any financial advantages to being married, but it is usually the other way around, isn't it?

 

If your married I think you are more likely to stay together, you have more of an incentive to work it out. If your not married, you can change your life for someone but if something goes wrong or your not getting along, they can just leave. I would expect them to make a commitment if they were expecting me to.

 

Yes, it's important. For the sake of commitment even if not for religious reasons. He's proposing to uproot and move her a long way from anything and anybody she knows, from any support group she has here, and has no legal commitment towards her. If he finds a new chick over there, or simply loses interest, and abandons her, she's doubly screwed. And don't tell me that's not likely; it happens all the time. If I remember correctly, he's not even the baby's father, so there is NO binding obligations on him.

 

You all have your reasons, but if the move is to be soon, it could be a straw that breaks a camels back.
Marriage isn't easy nowadays(me & the wife--19 years), neither is a big move across the pond.

But, this move could be a good chance for them to find out how good their "team skills" are, they would be able to find out how strong their relationship is.

One thing they definitly want to think about if they dont get married, they need to write up papers giving each other the right to make decisions should a medical emergancy arise( we learned that one the hard way), if you are not maried or related you have no say.(altho I dont know how it is "across the pond"

thats just my 2 cents

 

I'm sorry buddy, but, marriage doesn't always prevent those things

 

True, but its much more likely to happen if they aren't married.

 

Of course not, but it DOES legally obligate the husband/father to support the wife/mother/kid(s) to some extent if they do break up. The amount varies from place to place, but it does generally give the wife more leverage if she's abandoned.

I'm old & cynical. I wouldn't uproot and abandon everything to follow somebody that isn't even committed enough to put it on paper. Especially with a baby to raise. Talk is cheap. So are a lot of people.

 

yeah, thats true

then how about a pre-nup

 

Pre-nuptial agreement presupposes a wedding will follow.

But yes, a signed legal contract like a pre-nup that specifies legal obligations and authority can work. That's what a lot of gay couples do in lieu of a marriage contract. Done right, it requires a lawyer, careful thought and planning, and is more expensive and more hassle than a marriage license. If smiles' guy won't do get married, he's not going to go for the other either. BOTH require a commitment, but the marriage is much cheaper.

 

Just me, but i would never move across the world just to be with some guy. Smiles, if you want to move to the UK, then go for it. But make sure that you have a job there. You, not him. Don't you have a new baby? Maybe you should wait until your child is a bit older before you move that far away from everything that is familiar to you and your child.
Basically, don't go unless it's what you want to do and unless you have a way of taking care of yourself and your baby.

 

How does he make you feel?

 

well he isnt really my man.. we are just friends... and he lives there now.. he moved there a while ago and now wants me to come too! He has a home job car all that stuff

But we would love to date.. but the fact that he lives there now and I am still here puts a damper on a lot of things.....

wow i never thought about him abandoning me over there... wow! hmmm lots to think about

 

Lots indeed. You're a single mother, with a responsibility to your daughter, as well as yourself, and that's a lot of responsibility. You have to consider all the tough possibilities, not just what would be fun.

 

In the UK you get a married person tax allowance, i.e., you pay less tax among other things: http://www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk/rates/it.htm Also with ,arriage you get inheritance rights that you don't necessarily get if you are just living together.

However, I was intrigued by the somewhat baleful description of UK in the earlier post by Icon and agree that Ali's post is more realistic. Where I am is a typical modern provincial town with all the mod cons, good schools, etc.

I did live and work in the US for a short time in my first job in an expansive condo and it is apparent that space is a luxury here in comparison.

 

Oh I dunno, I quite like it here

 

yeah it wont be for a while.. i am going to visit in aug. .... does anyone know if i have to have the fathers permassion to go? we were never married... but he did sign the BC....

 

well... i am almost pos. i am going on march 20th until march 27th to visit.... just me leaving my son with my mom...

 

Id still advise caution. I attempted to move to Oz to be with the mother of my child. Left everything, and then after id committed she decided she wasnt going to be with me. This left me on the other side of the world with nothing, either in oz, or back in Uk where id tied up my loose ends.

I've ended up back in uk, but having been staying with friends i have no way to get a bank account, as i have no bills, which equals no proof of address etc and has left me in limbo with no way out. Basically i've been left with squat, and that was with a blood tie out there.

Tis easier for a lass however over here in uk. Men have no legal right to housing but women do.

As for marriage... lol HUMBUG. You cant put a contract on an emotional tie. Feelings change. If you think you need a contract then you've gotta ask yourself why? I'm not against it, but then im not against peoples right to commit suicide either.... i really just dont see the point in either lol your gonna die one day... why do it earlier....? Your in love and committed to each other for the rest of your lives.... why get a contract. Its like labeling all your doors "DOOR". Whats the point if you know what they are already lol

Legally of course there are issues, but none which cant be navigated around, if you still have your citizenship here in the uk.

I've done what your planning, and 2 years down the road im still picking up the pieces. I had two weeks with my son, left a good job and my friends and family, and its cost me everything i had, and with hindsight i was stupid to do it. Im no use to my son financially or in person because of it. You have more options open to you with citizenship not an issue, but if it all goes pear shaped... make sure u have a fallback plan.

 

yeah i know what ya mean... but i am only going there to visit... He wants me to move there... but i dunno my rights and all that

like how do i become a citizen.. and IF i want to move back to the US can i? and all that

 

Dude,
you are doing a good job so far, of living up to your username, as far as I am concerned, that was some good "point of view"

oh, and nice to meet you & welcome to MG

 

not to be mean but lets stick to the topic please.. i need some info LOL.. but thanks I love ya!

 

how much $ should i take for spending? Right now.. i have an extra 344 pounds...

and when you stay in a hotel does food come with

 

smiles....you are really scaring me with all this. It doesn't sound like you have all your bases covered and quite honestly I'm concerned for your safety.

- Hotels rarely include food except maybe a complimentary breakfast which usually consists of the vary basics.

- Do you have any idea how many women have gone to meet someone they have conversed with on-line and the phone for months or even years and then been beaten or sexually assaulted, murdered?

- You would be a VERY long way from home...what are your options once you are there to not only protect yourself but where will you turn..or who will you turn to if things go sour?

- If your purse with all your money is stolen how will you pay for food, etc.? What is your back up plan for emergency expenses or a stolen/lost passport?

- Do you already have your passport and the required photos, immunizations, etc?

- If you go there and all goes well and decide you want to move there your sons father AND his parents or yours could very well prevent you from moving...fathers have legal rights as do grandparents. It would be unfair of you to pull your son away from his father and he could very well grow up resenting you for doing so...have seen that happen to single mothers more times than I can count. Everyone gets hurt. It could very well be they would have no problem with you moving but the possibility is there even if they say right now it's ok...when push comes to shove you could be served with court papers.

- If your son should become ill while you are gone will his father be available to sign for emergency medical treatment or have you had some type of legal document drawn up so you mother can sign for medical treatment? Added to that...how will your family contact you..will they have to wait until you return to your hotel room after being gone all day? If there was an emergency do you have the funds to have your ticket changed to fly home immediately and bee with your son?

I'm not trying to be harsh but after reading this thread I get the distinct impression by your comments that you have many details still hanging in the air...as a single mother and a young woman going to a country where you don't know anyone except this 'guy' you could very well be walking into a mine field. I have only mentioned a few things that come to mind...there is more but I hope this will give you some food for thought. Sure, it could be a great time and nothing will go wrong but you have to plan for what could go wrong....you owe it to yourself and more importantly, your son.

Hugs!
AbbySue

 

hey guys... i see and understand what you all are saying.. i do not have time right now to replt totally..but I will in a lil bit! Love you all!!

 

thanks a lot man!! I'll check em out!