It's mine, you didn't buy it.

The other night I went into my son's room to ask him a question, he's on his computer of course. I'm talking to him and notice that his sytem is running really slow. So, I ask him "Why is your computer running so slow?" His response, "I don't know, been like that for a couple of days." So, upon closer examination of his system tray, I see Bearshare is on his system, and all associated infections. Naturally I tell him to uninstall Bearshare. His response, "It's my computer, you didn't buy it. I'll put what I want on it." Dad, "It's my network and broadband connection, as long as you have Bearshare on your computer, it won't be on the network; and you won't have an internet connection."

Guess who won that argument? http://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

 

Hahahaha, incredible!!!

You really should let him know how much trouble those P2P programs can cause, Winmx seems to be one of the only safe ones...

 

Good for you Shadow. Too many parents wimp out and can't stand to stand up to their kids.

 

Omg... if i was a dad.... and if i was older lol, i woulda whipped out the belt... or i would've just taken his computer and said "As long as you live in MY house everything inside, belongs to me!"


BTW I was downloading some music off a website (i think it was acidplanet) and the ONLY program i EVER use to download ANYTHING from the net is BitLord... Why? Because .torrent files cant have spyware!

 

Don't you love the POWER sometimes?http://www.ageekiam.com/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
On a serious note, I agree with G T

Gal

 

Your wife?

 

I just avoid arguing with her that way I can't lose.http://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/wink.gif

 

He's the one with ODD, so he can be difficult at times; but threatening to cut of his internet, gets results.

 

WOOOOHOOOO way to go ...I get so tired of kids getting what they want because the parents won't put forth the effort to discipline them!!!!!

Roger

 

amazing what you can do with kids when you know their currency of choice. good job.

on a side note. i have been using winmx for about a year. i have had no trouble with it at all.

 

whats ODD?? if i listened to the telly i would swear i had AADAHAD...D
(Adult Attention Deficit And HyperActivity Disorder...doubled LOL. and i bet you thought i was making those initials up !) if you're dyslexic it would be DAAADAHA

 

dyslexic

how many words can you make from the word dyslexic?
exile, exiled, sexily(?), six, sex, lid, led, lied, die, dye, sly, sled,
?????

 

ODD = Oppositional Defiance Disorder

Some people with it can get pretty violent.

BTW he has ADHD also.

 

hmm i have add, and adhd.

my brother has that and he has not taken his meds in a longtime and i think he should be on them because he is now a mess. i bet anyone thats around him when he is mad goes and hides i would hate to see my brother when he drinks and it mixes with the odd

 

i wonder how our generation managed in the absense of all these lables and their resulting bottles of pills? do you think these things are new? in which case what do you think the cause is? environmental, ie. polution? social ie. fractured families and the absense of extended families? BTW i'm not really being flippant, it just reads that way. much aloha

 

My son hasn't been on his meds all summer. Things can get a bit tense at times. He starts college on Monday, and probably should be back on his meds.

 

Sometimes, I think people just make this stuff up. Then I see some of these 'Out of Control' kids and go man 'Someone give him his pill'. But in some cases medicating really helps. Things were pretty bad around here until about 4 years ago, when we finally were able to get some help.

 

my son has ME!! he is NOT ALLOWED to be oppositional, defiant, or disorderly. i do this without medication, without compromise, without parenting classes, without abuse, and without guilt. i am not saying if i can...everybody can. not at all. i worked for a long time in the psychiatric and social services, and the person i helped most was me. i understand my responses and can control my impulses. i had an unhappy childhood, and have come to the conclusion that the thing missing from children's lives is not 'quality time' or 'time out ' style discipline, but the simple and absolute knowledge that their parents, with all their faults, love them unconditionally. my son knows i am not only at this back, but on it. i live with love, and by love, and for love. in the absence of ambition, greed, or even security, my children have grown in the knowledge that they have the world at their feet, and are responsible to that world because of it. i hope that made sense and i haven't insulted anyone.

 

I remember learning in one of my classes that North America consumes something like 90% of the Ritalain produced in the world... Now are our kids really all that much different than those in the rest of the world? Sounds like we're created a culture that facilitates the diagnosis of children as ADHD, it's too frequently diagnosed these days....

i think the DSM people have a tendency to take common human and instinctual behaviors and classify them in such a way as to make them sound like disorders...

 

i read in some class somewhere that north america consumes 90% of EVERYTHING.....

 

All very true, Laurie. I have a son that has A.D.H.D. Because it was a while ago, back in the eighties when he was born, people in these parts denied it's existence. Nowadays every second or third person with an unruly child jumps on the bandwagon.

Once we got through the initial B.S. that his behaviour was supposedly due to bad parenting, they tried different meds - Ritalin etc. Basically, it did more harm than good in his case.

And the end of the day, your right, a combination of quality time, time out and growing older controlled the situation. He's 18 now, and not exactly problem free, but at least he did grow up in a normal, well cared for and loving environment.

Back to P2P. spyware type issues. Yep, the vast majority of my customers with comp. problems is due to spyware infections. Three guesses where it almost always comes from?

 

Laurie, I hear you. My basic response is I'm the parent, your the child. Unconditional love, no matter what you have done, but your wrong when your wrong and you have to own up to that, and suffer the consequences for your decisions and actions.

 

thanks shadow, i worry sometimes that i stand on my soap box a little too much

 

I firmly believe that ADD and ADHD are over diagnosed today. Yes I think these are real disorders. Is it as prevalent as current diagnosis rates would indicate, no. Lack of parenting is certainly a problem in today's society. People are looking for the quick fix. After reasonable measures have been applied to the situation and no tangible results have been obtained then one must seek assistance from other sources.

My son, has been a disciplinary problem for as long as I can remember. He used to throw temper tantrums for no apparent reason, still does. So bad, that we have had social services called on us. When he didn't get what he wanted, which is most of the time, he would accuse us of child abuse. I have always refused to buy him, or any of my children for that matter, a game console, computer, TV, stereo, and DVD player. I have always insisted that they earn the money to buy these things their selves. Things have gotten so bad that I have called the police, to help get the situation back under control, because my son has physically attacked his mother; when he hasn't gotten his way.

As far as P2P he is quickly learning that your system can get really 'Hosed' from running P2P applications.

 

ADHD and ADD are diagnosed 200 times more often in the USA than the UK. Since the Doctors in the UK are pretty comparable in training to US doc's, that means 199 kids in the US are misdiagosed for every 1 that is diagnosed correctly. Most so-called cases of ADHD in the US are BS. Our kids are WAY over medicated and way underdisciplined. I hate seeing kids labeled and medicated without a full diagnostic workup. And as a pharmacist I see it time after time. Teachers tell parents to get their kids to doctors, doctors medicate without even a cursory exam, and our kids are getting POWERFUL drugs that affect their brain. Scares the crap out of me.

 

ditto

 

Parents just don't discipline like they should or used to!!!!

When I was told to be in by dark and I wasn't...I got my butt beat, and/or grounded!!!! So I knew I better do what I was told!!!! But you can't even look at them wrong now without worrying if someon is going to call DCFS on you!!

I have seen kids that ARE in need of medical help...like shadow said...they do violent things for no apparent reason...but i've also seen where the kid is simply full of energy...and instead of making him go outside and run it off (like we did when we were kids) they let him/her sit in the living room floor turning flips while they watch spongebob...and then can't figure out why they won't calm down!!! Go ride your bike for gods sake, or go out and play in the dirt!!!!

My brother and sister in laws are perfect examples of lazy parents!!!! They don't make him do ANYTHING...he never goes outside...and then when he's around company he starts getting hyper!!! Time to go get the ritalin!! The kid isn't bad at all...he's just hyper...but like I said...he does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to work his energy!! Hell.. he does absolutely nothing period!!

But at the same time...they don't make him do anything...they don't play catch with him, etc.!! They even have an 50,000 gallon inground pool complex, and he won't go out there even when his cousin are out there!! They've discovered it is too easy to just let him lay on the couch and watch tv, and that way they don't argue with him trying to get him to do anything!!

That's lazy parenting in my opinion!!

Roger

 

Worked with mine too. When he was younger and testing the boundaries, we just used to take away his stereo from his room. If that wasn't enough we took away the keyboard and the mouse. If that caused a tantrum and door slamming, we just took his bedroom door off the hinges. That worked too!

 

That's worked in the past to; but now that he's 18, things have to be handled differently.

We, as in my wife and myself, have resorted to measures that some would consider harsh. Before anybody starts to scream, abuse, neglect, or endangerment, these measures were recommended by the psychologist, and are not considered any of the above. Remove everything from his bedroom, and I do mean everything. Put a mattress with clean sheets and a pillow in the room, remove the door and hang a sheet over the doorway. Remove everything from his bathroom. When it is time for bed give him a wash cloth, hand towel and bath towel. Hand him a bar of soap and his PJs, have him take a shower then return all the items to you along with his dirty clothes. Then give him his tootbrush and a tube of toothpaste and have him brush his teeth, returning the items when he has finished. When he gets up in the morning hand him change of clothes for the day and he hands you his PJs after he has changed. Make him wash his own clothes.

 

my thoughts exactly Laurie. and i really believe that it has a lot to due with fractured families. and by fractured i dont mean just divorced parents. as far as i am concerned a family that does not have one parent home with the kids is a fractured family.

way to many Children today are treated like possessions. To many wannabe parents think its their right to have kids. just like they think its their right to have a job, a house, a boat, a condo on the beach ect. ect.

it is beyond me how a woman(in sert "man" here if it makes you feel better) can on one hand claim she wants to have a child and then as soon as it is born say something like "i cant wait to go back to work"

its no wonder young people today have no sense of responsibility or accountability and are so materialistic. Kids learn what they live.

IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF RAISING YOUR KIDS THEN DONT HAVE ANY !

im jumping off the soapbox now while i still can.

 

shadow, i have yet to go to those lengths, but my youngest is only 13, so he still has time! i don't think its harsh at all, and have threatened to do just that. i basically believe that if you haven't convinced your child that you are GOD by the time they are 7, you have little hope of reaching them by the time they are 14. (i think it was Kipling that said 'give me a child until he is 7, and i will give you the man').

the other thing i was wondering is whether the fact that half the parents are on Prozac has anything to do with the preponderance of add and adhd. there is of course the social acceptance of drugs to make things 'better' but i was wondering whether it was a physical reaction during the formation of the baby?
there are now so many people on these drugs that they can be found in the water tables, so even those of us that don't take them are being fed them in all we consume.

 

True A.D.H.D. is a genetic disorder which is often, but not always, transmitted through the biological mother to the first born, often male child. More often occurring in older couples. In our 's case, those factors were all present. Obviously, one can site many exceptions to these general rules.

Lower than normal levels of neurotransmitters, especially Serotonin are typical. Hence, the treatment with various medications is often prescribed to try and restore the chemical balance in the brain. But the treatment of developing children with mood altering and brain function altering drugs has obvious dangers as well, and should only be used as a last resort, and if it is appropriate, i.m.o. Drugs should NOT be used as lazy way to parent a problem child.

A.D.H.D. is not Caused by bad parenting, sugars or colours, allergies, bran damage, or other environmental factors. However some of these factors may make matters worse.

Violent behaviour can be a problem, as can just telling lies and causing trouble for no apparent reason. Reasoning and behaviour often become dissociated. Other disorders, as we've discussed are also commonly present.

http://www.lifesteps.com/gm/Atoz/dc/caz/neur/adhd/adisorders.jsp

The general public seems to have gone from one extreme to the other. Years ago, there was supposedly no such thing. Nowadays, it often gets used as a cop-out, or excuse.

 

On the tech side of things, I would do what any good System Administrator of an Open network would do. Enforce bandwidth throttles and port/packet blocks for said application.

That'd put em off P2P for a while

 

Done, plus a few more port/packet blocks just for good measure.

 

Phantom, I understand all the underlying science. I rarely discuss the topic of ODD/ADHD with other people; simply because the discussion eventually turns to parenting, and some make you feel like a total heel, because you had to seek assistance.

I see bad parents all the time, they cater to every desire of their child; and when the child is a little disobedient, there must be something wrong and this pill will fix it. The propensity for medicating behavior, makes me think of the song "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane.

For those of us who has a child that is properly diagnosed, there is a need for support. It is mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting to deal with a child with ODD & ADHD on a daily basis. They will constantly test your will and the boundaries set, there is no room for mistakes. Mistakes can lead to dire consequences. The rules must be enforced and the battle of wills is mentally and emotionally taxing.

 

Good man That'll show 'em

 

It's no wonder you don't normally bring up the subject. The swarm of mis-diagnosed kids, lazy parents and teachers, etc. trivializes what is a VERY serious issue for you guys.

 

Oh, the teacher's don't make it easier. Say my son, wants to do some after school activity, but his behavior at home has been 'Trying'; which results in Mom & Dad revoking his after school privileges. The teacher(s) know want to know why, and that behavior at home shouldn't effect extracurricular activities. Yeah, right I'm the parent.

 

you are obviously doing your best in very difficult circumstances. don't let ANYBODY sway you. you know your child better than anybody. you know what works and what doesn't. i have similar battles with teachers. they say they want parental involvement, but only if you agree with their take on things (which i rarely do !). i have even vetoed homework that i don't agree with. all my sons teachers now have my phone # and i expect to be called not written to. on one occasion i received a letter saying he was 'on probation' for 'behavior issues' i got the letter on the Friday, went ballistic and cut all his privileges immediately. he was due to go camping with a friend, so it really hurt. i than found out on the Monday that they didn't really mean that his behavior was an issue, but that he hadn't done his homework. i went absolutely potty. but i think they got the general message. anyway just to say IMHO it does get easier and you do get stronger and more sure of yourself with each success. you are added to my prayers. much aloha

 

Laurie, know what you are talking about when it comes to vetoing the teachers. To compound the problem, for some reason, teachers and school adminstrators deem to believe they have the power to tell you how to raise your children. Had a situation with bullying at school, what was the schools solution; lets put up some posters. Oh, wow; like that deals with the problem.

 

bullying is a major problem everywhere. the very system that throws 30+ kids of the same age together in a small space with one teacher to supervise creates the problem of kids trying to fit in, out do each other, impress their peers with how hard they are etc. my son is the only 'white' child at an Hawaiian immersion school. he handles more than his fair share of teasing. fortunately it is a small school, with mixed age and ability classes. the teachers, for the most part love him because he is polite and articulate. the older kids like him for the same reason and the fact that he is not impressed by them. (strange but true), so mostly actual bullying doesn't come into it. besides which i don't think his principle ever wants to have me storm into her office again. if for some reason i had to send him to the local state school, i think i would have to pull him out and home school him, (which i dont want to do....to many 'hats')
home schooling is nevertheless much easier in the states than in the UK.

 

Of course, then he'd have to pAy for Pron... *runs away*

 

Yep, I realise that. That was for the benefit of those who may read the thread and not know.

I went through all that shiz, and much more, because my wife was disabled, due an auto accident into the bargain.

I went through all the recriminations and 'experts' with their different pet theories as well. Suffice to say, that's one of a multitude of reasons why I don't have family anymore, despite the fact that everyone was going along fine. At the end of the day, the wife decided she might get an easier life elsewhere. She was wrong. Sore point? Ya, tell me about it!

That’s why I wasn’t offering any parenting advice. There’s no point as that’s not the root cause anyway. Just sharing some, perhaps common experiences.

Being trained In Psychiatric Nursing and training the disabled was of some help, but not enough when others don't co-operate. Enough said.




On the technical side, I found Peer Guardian2 to be pretty good. That combined with the hardware firewall on the mainboard seems to keep the nasties away.

 

I'll check out Peer Guardian 2.

I saw that you used the word disabled, instead of handicapped. My oldest daughter has a club foot, and sometimes people refer to her as being handicapped. Every time someone does that my blood pressure goes up. Handicap is a state of mind, a disability is a physical limitation and can be overcome. I have always approached the issue in that manner, and the only person who limits yourself is yourself. Could be that is why she is the MVP on her HS volleyball team and made the All star team, first year on the Varsity squad; one more year left.

Phantom as to your experiences, life is full of twists and turns, and bumpy roads; some more than others. All one can do is their best, and hope things work out for the best; when it is all said and done.

 

my daughter used to hate the word 'invalid', and maintained she was as valid as the next person (which she was of course)

 

Shadow, disabled is a verb as well as an adjective. Phantom's wife was severely disabled in a car accident, which is likely why he chose that word.

I'm not bothered by the word handicapped, except for those that blindly assume that a handicap is automatically a show-stopper. Golfers and race-horses are handicapped to help level the playing field. In the real world, handicaps (or disabilities if you prefer) aren't allocated for fairness, they're pretty random, and there's nothing "fair" about them, but they're still things that must be overcome to excel. And the best in any field overcome their handicaps, and succeed and win in spite of them. Just as your daughter has done/is doing/will do. In a lot of cases, the words we use are less important than the assumptions we make about those words.

 

If I offend anyone, that's not my intent, and I'll apologize now it that is the case.

G.T., I fully understand the uses of the words handicap and disability. It just that today many use the word 'handicapped' as an excuse not to excel. Society has too many 'Labels', and most are used as 'cop outs'. I don't like the term handicapped when it is applied to people.

If one stumbles and falls, do they just lay there, or do they pick themselves up and continue on to their objective? If someone places an obstacle in your path, do you stop and turn around, or do you figure out how to overcome the obstacle and continue on to your destination? Life is full of adversity, and one will fail several times before achieving success. My problem with 'Labels' are that they are used as an excuse, so as to avoid the adversity by not even beginning the journey.

This is a long way from where I started this thread. No Bearshare on my sons computer anymore. http://forums.majorgeeks.com/images/smilies/smile.gif

 

I doubt you've offended anyone Shadow; nothing you've said has been offensive.

No argument here. Too many people give up at any obstacle even if they have NO handicaps/disabilities/impairments or whateveryacallems. And too many of the unimpaired don't give enough credit to the will and capability of the motivated people that simply have more to overcome than they do.

(shrug) We live in an imperfect world. Probably the best we can do is to point to those like your daughter that are excelling in spite of percieved "problems", in order to change the perceptions of the ignorant. I'm more interested in the perceptions than the labels, but I understand your frustration with labels. Labels of some kind are likely to be around forever, but what's most important is how people THINK about those labels, and the people behind them. Your daughter is helping with that.

LOL. Congratulations.

 

It is not names or labels that are the problem, but rather some attitudes and stereotypes that some people may associate with them. A disability, handicap, or any other term is something that may be attributed to certain aspects of someone, or something.

They should not be confused with ideas of inferiority, or superiority, but simply of certain factors to take into consideration. To ignore such factors is blindness, to use such factors for persecution, favouritism, or excuses is discrimination.

I don't see labels as a problem. I do see uninformed blind prejustice as a problem, and a scourge on this, or any society.


I haven't taken offence of anything, because no one has said anything that is offensive.